Abs and Bralets
It has become a tradition that every episode of this show open with shirtless Hot Neighbor Wade and be-braed Bilson. They are congratulating themselves on being so awesome at the casual sex thing -- apparently, a lot of role-playing has entered the picture, most of which involve WWII. Zoe doesn't understand why she wasn't doing this sort of thing sooner! Obviously, because this is a TV show, we are all going to learn that Casual Sex Isn't All It's Cracked Up to Be And Someone Will Get Jealous. I am jealous of her lingerie, myself.
Ahoy
I was rightly corrected last week: Anna Beth is not living on the houseboat with Lemon, she is Lemon's landlord. Boatlord? Tim Matheson can't believe she likes living on a boat, but that is a CUTE BOAT, YOU GUYS. So is her skirt.
PANCAKES
Zoe wears a cute dress, while Lavon makes pancakes and explains he doesn't want to hear anything about her casual sex life with Wade. Zoe points out that now that he and Ruby are running against each other for mayor, she HAS no girlfriends, as she's had to abandon the one she had for him already.
Girlfriends
Ruby and her cute dress misses Zoe and her sidebraid; Zoe explains this whole Zoe v. Lavon thing is harshing their friendship, but DOES tell Ruby that she's nailing HNW, and therefore can't meet Ruby's Hot Cousin Who Is Conveniently In Town and Looking for a Lady. Ruby is all, "good luck with the monogamous casual sex with THAT ONE" vis a vis Wade, and swans out to try to ruin Lavon. I like Ruby well enough but COME ON: TEAM LAVON.
Team Lavon
Speaking of Team Lavon.
Lavon is hesitant to hire Lemon, but of course he does. The mayoral race is heating up and who DOESN'T need the help of the most organized party planner in Bluebell?
Sexcapades
You can imagine what game they're playing here. (Hint: Sexy Doctor.)
Sexy Halloween Costumes are Hot in Bluebell
This all started out so promisingly. Then, en route for Sexy Doctor Games, Zoe sees HNW gently usher a hot blonde into his home, a sock on his front door in the international code for "don't bother me, I'm sexing up a stranger." Obviously, this leads to Zoe asking Ruby to set her up with Convenient Cousin Zack, which is going to end terribly. But at least Rachel Bilson got a Halloween costume out of it.
Vote!
Things you need to know: Lemon is a good campaign manager, she's nauseated (so obviously we're all supposed to think she's pregnant), and this outfit is really terrible.
FORMAL SHORTS: THE RETURN
Also, learning that Wade is -- she thinks -- casually nailing other ladies has pushed Zoe down the rabbit hole of formal short shorts suits, so obviously these two need to WORK THIS SHIT OUT.
The Belles
The Belles meeting, naturally, is the town's best opportunity for a lady to put on her cutest demure day dress and speculate about the contents of Lemon's uterus.
Meanwhile
George is stuck dating Laura Bell Bundy, despite the fact that she keeps sending him links to discount shopping sites (hee), all because he can't figure out how to break up with her (a typical George problem).
Cheers
It's a good thing that Zoe's dress is REALLY CUTE, because she is totally whiffing this date with Cousin Zack by getting drunk and acting crazy. Because of Jealousy. As one does.
Busted
Across town, Lemon shoplifts a pregnancy test while out buying supplies for Lavon's Meat and Greet (it's a BBQ), and he takes the fall for her, claiming that he THOUGHT he paid for it and also it's for his gator. Burt Reynolds. Who is possibly a girl now? It's actually all very very funny and cute, but it also backfired because the wacky nutjob who runs The Only Store in Bluebell has him arrested for shoplifting.
Whoops
And this is where HNW calls Zoe to tell her they need to bail Lavon out of jail because he was arrested for shoplifting and she is drunk and she repeats this news VERY LOUDLY in front of Ruby who obvs leaks it to the papers because, you know, ELECTION SCANDALE. I am not a fan of that, NOR am I a fan of Ruby's dress. Take that, Ruby.
Hee
George continues to screw up breaking up with Laura Bell Bundy, the Discount Designer Shopper. Poor George. Although he is stuck in what is clearly the Plot Outfield over here, Scott Porter was actually REALLY funny this week.
[Gentle Rocking of the Boat]
In which Lemon is still wearing this dress that doesn't really work on her, and we learn that she is NOT pregnant but simply seasick and she and George decide that he's going to live on the boat and she's going to live in his apartment and she actually gives him a very nice Get A Grip speech about how he needs to speak up for what he wants in life because he's Real Bad at that, and this is where I learned to love Lemon.
Cute
Lavon is not happy that Zoe leaked the news about his shoplifting, but they have a heart-to-heart about how he needs to be a better girlfriend to her (and she rightly takes responsibility for getting too drunk and being insane). He fails her yet again by not pointing out how AWESOME this dress is, but I must admit that I sincerely love their bromance.
Hee
I just thought you'd want to see how much the Bluebell Gazette takes from the New York Post, and also I love that picture of Lavon. "Hmm. Lavon Hayes DOES photograph well," is Lavon's take on it. I love you, Lavon.
Team Hat
I don't understand why you wouldn't want to vote for a man who wears a hat so well and who just needed to steal a pregnancy test for his alligator?!?!? Lemon also looks cute; they have REALLY fixed her styling this season. And they had her use the word "bull hockey." Oh, Lemon. Now I love you. It was SO EASY.
All Apologies
These two and their picnic-themed shirts have totally made up. Vis a vis Wade, Lavon and his hat points out that Zoe might just not be the sort of person who is happy with a casual relationship. I really wish I could get love advice from Lavon.
SMACK
George finally manages to kick Laura Bell Bundy to the curb, and obviously it goes really well. Say it with me: POOR GEORGE.
Lemon!
Her makeup looks better AND she confesses that she's the Pregnancy Test Shoplifter and exchanges a pie for the sheriff dropping the charges and she and Lavon are ALSO totally friends now, even though I kind of want them to get back together. Is that so wrong?
TIM MATHESON
Tim and Magnolia are REALLY bad at living without Lemon taking care of them, but they decide it's better for Lemon to be self-sufficient....and for them to figure their shit out. I am not a giant fan of Magnolia, but this plotline was really pretty cute, as you can tell from the fist-bumping. For example, Tim's plan for their food supply does not involve going to the grocery store, but instead stealing all the excess BBQ from this event.
High Five!
I love a high-five. Which is why I'm ending this fug-cap here, even though the last scene was Zoe and HNW agreeing to be "monogamous...casually," and he then tells her he HAS BEEN. The blonde she thought he was nailing was just bringing over the new tile for Zoe's bathroom. Aw. Those two. Way to bring Wade back around, writers. Home repairs get me every time.