Whither The Bralet?
Here's the thing: I don't know if there ever WAS romance between these two -- lust, yes -- but it's definitely gone. She's wearing a tank top and he's eating all her black and white cookies and watching cartoons. Zoe is not impressed.
Whither the shirt? Wait, never mind.
I'm not thrilled that Lavon and Ruby are an item -- she's a bit smug, and I fear it will end badly for my beloved Lavon -- but I AM thrilled that he is shirtless and MAKING PANCAKES. Shirtless Lavon making breakfast should happen every single week on this show because it is glorious.
Anthro must have been having a sale.
First, and most importantly: AB and Lemon both look really cute in their printed day dresses. I would again like to thank whomever made the executive decision to stop having Lemon accessorize herself like she just fell out of a southern version of Grey Gardens. The adjustments they made to Lemon over the break between seasons were really successful. Thank you, Powers That Be!
Less successful is this conversation between Lemon and AnnaBeth: Lemon wants to start a catering business, and AB acts all weird and squirrelly about it. This is because she has started her own catering business without Lemon, despite their having talked about doing this together, and also without telling Lemon, which is kinda dumb. I mean, do what you want, AB -- you have the cutest wardrobe in Bluebell -- but Lemon finds out everything.
Poor Rose
Rose is back, wearing a cute shirt, and in love with a new boy at her high school -- this time, the football team's kicker.
George appears to be wearing Lavon's pants
And this is where George wears pleasantly tight pants and tells Lemon that he hired AnnaBeth to cater a party he's forced to throw for a mean local judge, and Lemon is...not pleased. But your purse! It's so cute! Just look to the purse, Lemon!
This is the best episode ever.
You know who else isn't happy? Ruby's grandpa, who hoses down Lavon when he sees him with Ruby. Ruby's Grandpa, I LOVE YOU. Wet Lavon In a Tight Shirt was seriously on my Christmas list. If Jon Hamm shows up in Bluebell and wanders in front of the hose, I'll KNOW someone's been reading my diaries.
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Ah, yes. The Bluebell football team is playing their big rival, and they all have athlete's foot, so Zoe has to go out and tell them how to use Tinactin.
"Coach Taylor? Where are you?"
She does get to give this Tinactin lesson wearing a SUPER cute dress and AMAZING shoes.
"A high pony is always chic, kid."
She ALSO tries to give Rose's Kicker -- who is too bummed to play because his girlfriend just moved out of town, and because he is a sensitive flower who doesn't understand the concept of rubbing some dirt in his emotional wounds and going out and killing it on the field --the advice to find a NEW girl to be his lucky charm and of course she means Rose, and of course Lovelorn Kicker decides he loves Zoe, because we are watching TV. Also, she IS really cute.
For pete's sake, HNW.
In an attempt to address Zoe's notes about how he needs to be more romantic, he gives her a glow-in-the-dark thong. Sometimes Wade's emotional maturity levels sadden me. On the other hand, I appreciate that the show hasn't tried to make him someone with Deep Secret Pain Explaining Why He Acts Like A Dick Sometimes.
Meanwhile, back in 2010...
Lovelorn Kicker somehow talks half of Bluebell into doing a flashmob at the Rammer Jammer with him, in honor of his love for Zoe (who of course is having dinner with Rose, who actually takes this pretty well). While I appreciate the grand romantic gesture, I am confused by the number of adults who are all, "yes, 15 year old, I WILL help you woo a grown women." I mean, I get that they need him to be in fine kicking form -- and no one understand the need to do anything for your team like I do -- but COME ON. This never happened on Friday Night Lights.
Baublebar?
This leather dress is ALSO cute and I love the necklace. Tim Matheson doesn't address those important facts, but basically tells Zoe that she needs to date a 15 year old until after the big game.
HELLO.
Blah blah blah, Lavon is frustrated that Grandpa Ruby hates him. Let's just focus on Lavon's extra tight pants. Lavon is bringing it, muscularly speaking, this week.
Face it, George had that coming.
Oh, right, after a lot of hoo-ha, basically Lemon needs to step in and help AB with George's dinner, so as to save George's bacon with Judge Mean. See, AB is a great cook, but not very organized, while Lemon is obviously organized on the level of a high-ranking general. They are also both looking very cute, even if there's a...er, kind of high level of tension in the kitchen. Don't worry: George's dinner still turns out just fine.
NOT IMPRESSED
Meanwhile, Zoe allows herself to be forced into going to dinner at the Rammer Jammer with Lovelorn Kicker, but basically can't go through with it. Especially right in front of Rose, and her bestie "Tanya," AKA McKayla Maroney, who acquits herself well enough with two lines, one of which is telling Zoe that "cougar doesn't look good on [her]."
Meet my new favorite extra.
Zoe breaks it off with her 15 year old, but I really just included this picture because (a) I love her pants and (b) that extra to Zoe's left is hilarious and I needed to to see him. He ALSO likes her pants.
I love you, Lavon
Grandpa Ruby first makes Lavon do all his chores as a way to get back into his good graces and then tells him that he's actually not really mad at him, he just worries that Ruby staying in Bluebell is going to hold her back. Aw, Grandpa. That's sweet. We all want Ruby to leave, too.
Thank you for all the great outfit shots this week, director.
George plays mediator and tells AB and L that they need to get themselves together and join forces to become the best dressed caterers in town. He also says that Judge Mean has started calling him G Tuck, "...which I hate." George, don't you need to be suiting up for the game? Can we all just agree that doing too much of a football-themed story while Scott Porter and Cress Williams are floating around just makes us all miss Kyle Chandler?
Finally, appropriate shorts.
SO, Lovelorn Kicker has decided not to suit up because he's too depressed about his lovelife, which is RIDICULOUS. Coach Taylor would NOT STAND FOR THIS. So Zoe pops into the boys' locker room again and tells him, basically, "clear eyes, full hearts, get a grip."
SLOW CLAP
And when he does, he is rewarded with an actual slow clap.
Give him the hand
And Bluebell wins! Tim Matheson is so pleased that he nearly high-fives Zoe.
Look to the black and white cookie
In fact, everything is coming up Zoe, because after a chat with Wanda (the wacky redhead waitress that I never really talk about here because we've all got places to be), HNW realizes that the nature of the romantic gesture is really just doing something for your loved one that they will like, and for which they have not asked, and he makes her some black and white cookies to make up for the ones he previously hoovered. Ah, young love.