Housing!
I am thrilled, THRILLED that the show is finally addressing my endless whinging -- well, I'm sure it's not actually MY whinging that's being addressed, but you feel me -- about how Zoe and Joel are still living at the B&B. Carl Winslow bursts in when they're making out to congratulate them on being his longest-staying guests in the history of the Whippoorwill Blossom, and they FINALLY decide to get their own place. I don't understand where Zoe is keeping all her shoes to begin with.
Accounting!
Jaime King Pregnancy Disguise 49: A notebook on top of the cash register. So, the Rammer Jammer is doing really well under Wade and Lemon's management. Or, as Wade says: "We got so many Lincolns, ol' Jeff Davis is gonna be rolling over in his grave," perhaps the folkiest line this show has ever employed. Why don't you celebrate by TAKING OFF YOUR SHIRT?
Jingle!
Instead, he convinces Lemon that they should put the money into a radio ad "with a jingle" to play all over the state, and she loves this idea and they do a little dance, after YET ANOTHER HIGH-FIVE. I need to start a high-five count. This season is all about the high-five. Additionally, that dress is extremely cute on Lemon.
Shaun White Hoodies and DEMIN.
Speaking of extremely cute, I am obsessed with this denim jacket on Zoe. Her whole outfit is really cute, even if she is wearing shorts.
Hot Sauce!
Although I am perplexed by the weather in BlueBell if Zoe is wearing a jacket and AB is wearing a sundress, but whatever. Additionally, I'd like to give a shoutout to the extra behind these three, who spent the entire shot really REALLY focused on the cap on that bottle of hot sauce. Anyhoodle, remember AB was gone last week? I hadn't even noticed, but it turns out she was off visiting her sister and this kicks off an entire convo with Zoe where Zoe Doesn't Believe Family Can Be Fun and AB disagrees and then it turns out that Lavon is scheduled to go to a bachelor party in Vegas with his old NFL buddies and AB is weirdly okay with it blah BLAH BLAH the only reason she wanted him to go was because her parents are coming to town and she didn't want to introduce them. There, saved us a bunch of time that can be better used admiring Lavon's purple shirt.
Deranged!
Ugh. So, speaking of saving us time, these two kiss at the end of the episode despite the fact that Lynly acts like there's something wrong with her and if this were a soap opera, she would have George at the bottom of a well by the end of next week. Maybe while he's in there, she can give him a haircut? I'm also still not sure if we're supposed to be rooting for them to get together. She seems like she might be a deranged murderer but I suspect that her lines are WRITTEN to be charming but the actress is DELIVERING them to be threatening. She also looks way, way too young for him. In short: this plotline is troubled.
Wedges!
I'd like to thank whoever directed this episode for giving me so many full-body shots of outfits. I sincerely appreciate being able to eyeball Zoe's very awesome wedges. Anyway, she and Joel are looking at houses with this Realtor (who has a really funny moment where she tells them that finding the right house is like finding the right man: "Sometimes it takes a long, long, long long time." I really want this Realtor to find love now. Come on, Realtor! Surely there are many eligible man in your age group in Bluebell, because if there's one thing that BlueBell has, it's dudes!).
Zoe and Joel decide they really want to rent this one house, but it's owned by one of the Wilkeses. Not Ashley, but the family of Zoe's biological father (although I'm sure Zoe's bio-dad is a Wilkes solely as a shout-out to Gone With The Wind -- not that you'd EVER want to end up with Ashley Wilkes as he is the WORST, honestly. Although Melanie Wilkes is awesome). And it is then that we learn that her bio-dad's family reached out to her a whole bunch of times and she ignored them every single time. Whoops. Joel is VERY kind and understanding about this but thinks she might regret not mending fences with them and she just doesn't want to talk about it. I continue to think that, if all these dudes were actual life choices for a boyfriend, Joel is the CLEAR winner. He is really nice and easy-going and rational and funny. I kind of wish I were dating Joel.
Eye-Rolls!
Jaime King Pregnancy Disguise 50: Dirty dishes. In which we learn that Chef Jeannette -- whom Wanda apparently hates for reasons I've forgotten or never knew -- is doing things like running slow, catching stuff on fire, and losing an earring in the slaw. In other words: although the Rammer Jammer is making lots of money, there are a lot of headaches of the undignified variety in running it, especially for Lemon.
Silk-Screened Boobs!
Which is why when this dude, the owner of Fancy's -- you know, the only fancy place in town -- comes to visit and tells Lemon that he's selling, and she ought to be buying, she is very tempted. Jaime King Pregnancy Disguise 51: condiments in the foreground. Hilarious tacky apron count: 1.
Wade!
Jaime King Pregnancy Disguise 52: Straws. Lemon finds out that their other bartender, whom we've never seen before, will actually NEVER be seen. Because she quit because Wade is sleeping his way through the lady-staff of the Rammer Jammer and he finally got to her, and then he enraged her somehow. Lemon basically tells him that he needs to pull it together, because she's got other business-owner issues to deal with, like a health inspector visit and a weird smell in their kitchen. I can't wait until Wade is in treatment for his raging sex addiction. It's going to be so Very Special Episode.
High-Five
High-five count: two. Lynly flirts with Wade and he hires her to be their new bartender. So she's at least 21. She also continues to be "flirtatious" with George in a way that consistently reads "threatening."
Magazines!
Personally, whenever my own doctor has downtime, I do not think she spends it sitting around her own waiting room in gold lame shorts reading a fashion magazine. Don't you have charts to work on, Zoe? But the point of this entire scene is that two -- rather hilarious, honestly -- sisters come in, having gotten in an accident when one of them accidentally ran over the other with her car and first they hate each other and then they love each other again, and then they drop the name of their favorite movie, Dolphin Tale as the model for their continued healthy familial bonds, and Zoe begins to think that maybe she needs to reunite with the Wilkes AFTER all.
Parents!
AB's dress is VERY cute when Lavon comes over and finds out she was keeping her parents' visit a secret from him, and their relationship a secret from her parents. Riddle me this readers: just two weeks ago, AB was all moony that she and Lavon were going to get engaged. Wasn't THAT going to be an insane surprise to her parents if she hasn't even told them she is dating? Additionally:
1) Apparently, AB still has her own house, which is a surprise since I thought she'd moved in with Lavon.
2) AB's dad is not happy they're dating, and Lavon is all, "is this about what I think it's about?" and AB is all, "we are not a post-rival America!" Don't worry, everyone! AB's parents aren't racists! They just hate Lavon because they root for Auburn and he was a star at Alabama.
3) Lavon is like, "I will make BBQ for them and FORCE THEM TO LOVE ME." How much forcing could it really take? Lavon is the best.
Shorts!
So, Rachel Bilson is extremely funny in this scene. She rented Dolphin Tale and she keeps crying about it, even as she recaps it for Frank: "The struggle to save Winter's life, it brings everyone together. The mom, and the kid, AND Harry Connick. BECAUSE FAMILY IS FOREVER, FRANK. FAMILY IS FOREVER." It will not surprise you to know that this all prompts her to decide to re-connect with the Wilkeses and it also won't surprise you to know that Frank knows how best she do that -- they're having a big birthday party for one of the kids this weekend. It ALSO won't surprise you that she is wearing TERRIBLE shorts, but her shoes are cute. Also amusing and terrible are the fake movies Frank also offers as rentals: such hits as Simula Topia, Spider Bite, 'Lectric Saw and, my personal fave, Slappo and Chocky.
Lawyers!
Jaime King Pregnancy Disguise 53: Yet more condiments. Lemon asks George what he thinks about her potentially buying Fancy's and he is kinda like, "why rock the boat!??" because honestly George isn't great at life-advice-giving -- and nor should you expect he be, given that haircut. But come on: he lives on a boat, he's obsessed with a show called Don Todd's Monster Golf Safari, he's maybe going to be dating a murderer, and he almost married Lemon just because he didn't want to rock the boat! Don't take life advice from George!
Roll Tide!
Turns out AB's parents are REALLY SUPPORTIVE of this relationship, to the point that they actually put on Alabama gear with Lavon's number on the back. And that is LOVE, you guys. I have dated inter-rivalry and it is very difficult indeed (most of all for me). Anyway, AB's parents are delightful and also really want her to marry Lavon, which makes sense because Lavon is -- as we have pointed out many times -- rich, smart, successful, in possession of a lovely house, charming, funny, the owner of many a sharp suit and many a snazzy hat, deliciously muscular, handsome, and a wonderful cook. But AB is weirded out, and this whole thing goes poorly because her parents pushing the marriage that AB herself wanted upsets her.
Party Crashers!
Zoe and Joel crashing a Wilkes birthday part ALSO goes really poorly. She freaks out and pretends they're the entertainment and makes Joel be a magician -- which he does, because Joel is a saint -- and then it turns out she really really likes all the Wilkeses and wants to be part ofthe family but when she finally confesses who she really is, they're all like, "too late, lady, we don't want anything to do with you and also pretending to be the entertainment is really weird." At least her outfit is REALLY cute. I want that jacket with all my heart.
Accessories!
And her earrings are FANTASTIC.
Ta-Dah!
In case you need further proof that Joel is a stand-up dude.
Lake Lavon!
Lavon has moved the kitchen pastries outside for their meal by Lake Lavon. MARRY THIS MAN. SOMEONE MARRY THIS MAN.
Fancy's!
Jaime King Pregnancy Disguise 54: A floral arrangement. Fancy's needs Lemon's offer ASAP, if she wants to buy. I'm going to jump to the point and tell you that unfortunately, Lemon didn't have enough money to buy Fancy's because there was another buyer with more cash, whom I assume we will meet eventually and who I suspect will turn out to be Lemon's new love interest in a sort of You've Got Mail scenario, except with more dinner rolls.
Football!
AB might be miserable, but her dress is really cute. The new costumer is really knocking it out, you guys.
Jingles!
Jaime King Pregnancy Disguise 55: table, again. So, Wade is not into this Buying Fancy's thing and uses the money he was going to put toward the radio ads to buy her out. It's very congenial though. He even offers to write her a jingle for Fancy's. "It's not going to be easy, though."
Interpersonal Drama!
Soooooo,prompted by AB's family's loving overinterest in marrying her off, AB and Lavon end up having a very serious talk about how she wants to get married eventually and if he doesn't want to get married eventually TO HER, then he needs to let her know because she doesn't want to waste her time. Ah, being single after 30. It's a delight. Anyway, Lavon mostly responds to this by making perplexed faces -- he thought everything was going great between them, but it's clear he isn't as far along as she is. Don't worry, you guys. I really do think these two are going to make it eventually.
BFFs!
Jaime King Pregnancy Disguise 56: The bar. In which Lemon and Wade admit to one another that they're BFFs and he's very supportive about the fact that, eventually, she is going to find the job she's meant to have. He knows that the Rammer Jammer isn't her bag, and she agrees. So Lemon's not working at the Rammer Jammer anymore, which is going to be helpful, plot-wise, when Jaime King goes on maternity leave, which I assume will take the form of a "finding herself in this time of uncertainty" trip, and which I suspect will be pretty soon. Also! Both Jaime King and Wilson Bethel were very good in this scene.
Argh.
Ugh. Seriously?! Why. WHY.
Grandma Sylvie!
Joel is, to the surprise of no one, is very supportive of how bummed out Zoe is about the Wilkes Family Drama. He is pretty sure they're going to come around, but at least she's got his family. Grandma Sylvie is coming to BlueBell for Hanukkah!
Abracadabra!
But he DID talk Carl Winslow into buying Do Not Disturb signs. He IS a magician!