Tennis!
Vivian and Zoe are really getting along -- dragging poor Joel to morning tennis games and whatnot -- and this is why it's so awkward for Zoe that Vivian is ready to start dating again and the person she is ready to start dating is Wade. Zoe is REALLY not okay with this. She pretends it's because Wade is just going to hurt her beloved cousin but WADE thinks -- and I do too -- it's because she still Has Feelings for him. Maybe JOEL and Vivian can get together after the shit hits the fan with this thing?
Breakfast!
Across town, George is avoiding the Rammer Jammer because Tansy works there now -- speaking of people who still have feelings for the exes -- and thus he and Lynly are horning in on Lavon and AB's well-pajamaed breakfasts on the regular. Do none of these people just grab a Luna bar on the way into the office?
Shelby!
And in our C plot, yada yada yada, LBB finagles her way into living with Brick again -- Lemon is going to have a kitten when she finds out -- as well as making Brick her birthing partner, mostly because she is a skilled manipulator (not in a bad way, really) but also because Brick is incapable of telling her no. Additionally, it's totally his baby, right? Right.
Rose!
I feel like the writers decided that if Jaime King was off work, they better give Rose a story and it's....fine. Basically, she is freaking out that she's not got enough extracurriculars for college, so Zoe advises she get an internship, and she ends up working with Carl Winslow on his blog. Anything involving Carl Winslow's blog is aces as far as I am concerned. That being said, it's cute that they're pretending it's kinda winter in BlueBell and putting Zoe in tights, but also bare arms. That skirt is the cuteness, though.
Finger Guns!
Zoe has also offered to set up Vivian -- basically to keep Vivian from dating Wade -- but doesn't know anyone to set her up WITH, so of course she turns to AB, who is wearing a very cute dress and suggests The Mythical Carter Covington. Actually, Carter Covington probably IS a better match for Vivian than Wade is. The whole crux of this episode is that Zoe will go to extremes to keep Wade and Vivian apart because she loves Wade, BUT! While Wade tells her -- later, we'll get to that -- that he's a changed man and everyone knows it but Zoe, IS HE? ARE YOU REALLY, WADE?
NOOOO
Cress Williams was very funny in this episode, as usual. Annnnyway, turns out that there's a deal on the table for Fillmore and BlueBell to merge -- the governor of Alabama gets a bonus if he can merge up all the tiny towns, or something -- and George and Lavon figure out (with the help of Tansy, who is dating the hilarious/terrible Scooter McGreevy, Mayor Gainey's lawyer) that Fillmore is IN because the Evil Mayor Gainey basically wants to annex BlueBell and put a giant shopping center where the gazebo is. (There's some blah blah about first thinking that Fillmore is secretly bankrupt, but this is not the case. They're just greedy.) And Lavon needs to keep this under wraps for as long as he can, to prevent the town from panicking while he tries to figure out how to stop it. None of that goes well, as you can imagine.
Plotting!
And in fact, the more I write out the details of this plot, the more convoluted it is. However: Lavon asks Zoe and AB and Wade and Joel to help him keep Carl Winslow and the rest of the town from finding out about the proposed merger, and they realize they need to come up with a BIGGER, more interesting story as a distraction. They decide they're going to float a story that AB and Joel are having a secret affair. I...am not so sure Lavon is going to be thrilled that he's also now going to be embroiled in a sex scandal, but whatever.
Magnum PI!
But as silly as getting to the news about the Fillmore/Bluebell merger was, it brought us some good things, namely:
1) I actually love the BlueBell/Fillmore rivalry so this will be fun now that we're in it.
2) Everyone coming up with names for the merged town, disgustedly: FillBell, BlueMore, MoreBell, etc.
3)THIS, in which Lavon and George sneak into a luau party at Scooter McGreevy's law firm. I LOVE IT. This is what will happen when they have a spin-off where they take over Magnum's PI gig in Hawaii.
SCANDAL!
Yes, this "affair" is obviously very for-real and super SUPER secret. Anyway, while Zoe is taking these pictures of AB and Joel awkwardly pretending to be in love -- to send to Carl Winslow anonymously -- on a huge real camera, which is ridiculous because everyone knows that generally surreptitiously snapped photos sent to a gossip blog by a random civilian are taken on a cell phone, she gets distracted by seeing Wade and Vivian on their date.
NO.
And I am distracted because WHAT THE EVERLIVING F IS WADE WEARING? No, seriously. No, seriously, Wade. Seriously. No. Good thing he's cute.
Gossip!
Anyway, obviously Carl Winslow and his young protege Rose jump right onto the AB/Joel love story, and I cannot resist sharing with you the breathless copy Carl has gone with. I wish I could hire him here at GFY.
Drama!
And obviously Zoe has to act enraged with Joel for having an affair with AB -- is this going to help Joel's tenuous status in BlueBell? Has no one thought this through? Lemon would have managed this better -- and so she throws not one but TWO glasses of water RIGHT in his face. I do love a good Drink In The Face. Poor Joel. He is putting up with A LOT in this scenario, including the fact that his girlfriend is actually nuttier than a squirrel's handbag about Wade.
Waving!
And when Lavon gets home and he and AB have to pretend to have a fight for the benefit of the townspeople having a vigil (hee) outside Lavon's house. This requires them to dramatically wave their arms around, and you can tell by Lavon's facial expression that he is THRILLED by this development. I am thrilled by AB's very festive skirt.
Vivian!
And of course Vivian had a great time on her date and asks Zoe what she thinks about Wade as a boyfriend and Zoe says, "no comment," and Vivian of course takes that as "abort ABORT DO NOT GO THERE ABOOOORT," which of course is exactly what Zoe wants to happen, but I DO think she was trying to just be....neutral, because she doesn't want to interfere even though she really really does want to interfere. Anyway, Vivian is like, "fine, guess I won't go out with him again." She (rightly) kind of buys that Wade might not be the best bet for a responsible lady with children, after all.
NO PASTRY NO PEACE.
I'd just like to point out that Lavon's Kitchen Pastries are now Kitchen Fruit and that is some bullshit right there.
Coachella?
I do NOT know why Zoe looks like she got lost on her way to the VIP tent at Coachella here, but these things happen sometimes, even to the best of us. At least she left her flower wreath at home. ANYWAY, this is quite a good scene in that Wade is basically all, "stop icing my game just because you can't deal with the fact that you're still in love with me." He is PISSED and I can't say I wholly blame him. Zoe tells him that she is legit worried that he's going to hurt Vivian like he did her, and he says, "how long are you planning on punishing me? Because last time I checked, you were the one who walked away." And OKAY, that is true but also WADE DID GO AND SLEEP WITH A BAR FLOOZY. I love Wade, but he was a total ass for a lot of his relationship with Zoe. Let us not forget it. But he claims, "everyone in this town can see that I've changed except for you," and then he wonders pointedly why she even cares and storms off.
Rose!
Rose saw Lavon sneaking into AB's house and told Carl that the affair was invented to throw the town off the story of the merger -- don't ask me how the town found out about the merger in the first place; this is way too complicated for a B plot -- and yadda yadda everyone is freaking out.
Freaking Out!!!!
You can imagine the BlueBellian reaction to the news that they might have to merge with Fillmore. It's basically: AAAAAAAAAH. Lavon tells everyone that he should have been honest with them, but he thought he could head this whole thing off. He REALLY doesn't want anyone to panic, but obviously, it's BlueBell: PANICKING IS HAPPENING. I fear this bodes ill for Lavon's re-election.
WTVR
Oh, right. Lynly. She's worried George is still into Tansy. Fingers crossed that he is. I will note that Lynly has barely any lines in this episode and I suspect it's because the writers have realized that she has that weird thing where she seems like a 19 year old sociopath.
Cheers!
So, I forgot to screengrab the scene where Zoe goes over to Vivian's and tells her that she really loves Joel and Wade just makes her crazy for....reasons....but he's a great guy with "massive potential," like a great fixer-upper in a swell neighborhood, and convinces her to give him another chance. Whee, three more episodes of treading water on THAT one. Joel is relieved that he doesn't have to pretend to be in love with AB. Rose is getting published in HuffPo. And I miss you, Lemon. Come back from "taking care of your grandma" soon. SOMEONE needs to give Zoe the "can't you see that you're IN LOVE WITH HIM?!?!" speech and I really want it to be you.