Heath Month!
Watching people work out is as boring as actually working out, and here's all you need to know about Health Month: Everyone in BlueBell has fallen in line and is doing it, like they've been hypnotized; they're accordingly miserable; Meatball, who is once again in rare form, refuses to do pilates because "a rock hard core would sully [his] brand"; and almost every woman in this episode wears a cute tennis skirt at least once, which is exciting, because tennis skirts are my JAM.
Notes!
As you may recall, Tom Long is Joel's biggest fan, and as such, Joel gives him the first six chapters of The Firefly's Dismay for feedback. Tom has very good notes and perhaps should become a book editor instead of....whatever Tom is supposed to be. He points out that Joel is writing about a "Southern badass" who uses the word "ennui," and, basically, Joel has no idea what he's doing with his protagonist. Joel of course is REALLY POLITE and still manages to storm out in a total writerly spiral.
Elodie!
Elodie, the member of the Belles we haven't been told to care about before now, has gotten engaged after four months and obviously, speaking of spirals, AB goes into one over the fact that she and Lavon are not moving forward in their own relationship, although she tries to pretend otherwise.
Home Repairs!
Zoe wears this outfit for nearly the entire episode and honestly, despite the flash of midriff, it is REALLY REALLY cute. Anyway, all you need to know is that Joel spends much of this episode trying to become more of a Southern Badass -- he shadows Wade (who is OBVIOUSLY who the main character of The Lightening Bug's Wail is based on, which is hilarious; said character is even named "Wiley Kincaid"), he gets into a fist fight, he tries to tend bar, and he forces Zoe to let him try to fix the house they've bought, which is in terrible shape and requires two months of renovations, which I assume will plonk them back in Lavon's guest house about six episodes after it should have happened already. It's charming for those of us who like Joel, but not ultimately DEEPLY substantive, plot-wise.
Dresses!
To prove that she doesn't want to kill herself because Elodie is engaged and she isn't, AB of course offers to throw her bachelorette party. That very night. (Watching this episode made me feel like if I were the network exec in charge of it, I would have sent back the script and told them they had about nine plots too many.) Regardless: look at all these cute dresses!
Don Todd!
Don Todd's Monster Golf Safari is ALL over this episode, which pleases me greatly. Okay, and here's what happened here: Lavon is cranky with George over the Lynly thing (although he does admit, essentially, that Lynly IS nuts), and he's also forbidden Tom and Wanda a permit to have an alpaca farm. Tom wants George to fight the ruling, despite George and Lavon trying to avoid one another. Blah blah blah, it turns out to be a situation wherein Wanda asked Lavon to refuse the permit because she doesn't want an alpaca farm, but she didn't want to tell Tom herself, while George thinks Lavon is being stubborn because he's mad about Lynly. Eventually, Wanda sacks up and tells Tom, who is none-to-pleased, and I can only assume this will lead to their heartrending and emotional divorce proceedings.
Shirtless Wade
I continue to appreciate the shirtlessness of Wade.
Aprons!
Cricket's apron is extremely cute, and I hope it keeps her warm at night because I suspect her bankrupting the Belles is going to be the impetus for Lemon to sail back in, take back over, and get back to ruling with an iron fist, as it should be.
Fights!
While shadowing Wade, Joel witnesses him breaking up a fight between these two -- and later decks and gets decked by the little one, as a way to prove that he too is a manly man -- and I would not even mention it except this fight is over the big dude spoiling the small dude on the end of The Sopranos and that really made me laugh.
Asses!
And because for reasons of complete plot contrivance that I don't even really get other than the fact that it's boring to have to set up the engagement of a tertiary character several weeks out and then have to remind the audience again who she is and that she's getting married, the bachelorette party for Elodie is that very night and Tom Long and Meatball are the only strippers AB could hire on short notice. (Tom is working odd jobs to save up for his doomed alpacas; I assume Meatball is a professional exotic dancer. Meatball is simply a delicious mystery.) Zoe and AB are horrified, but everyone else seems to be really INTO their routine -- to "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy," naturally -- and not for the first time, we are all reminded that BlueBell is weird.
Sadness
Weird, and full of insanely cute cocktail dresses. AB obviously drowns her sorrows -- I guess booze is not outlawed during Health Month -- and eventually admits to Zoe that she is really bummed that she and Lavon don't seem to be moving forward at all. "He has all the power, and all I can do is wait around for him to change his mind," she says, and man. I feel for poor AB. I think a lot of people have felt that they're in that situation and the only thing you can do is either be okay with it, or remove yourself from that situation, and it sucks. At least her hair is cute.
Shiny!
And Cricket looks TOTALLY cute in this, even if she is as bad at financial decisions as Lord Grantham.
Kissing!
So this is back on; George marches into the Rammer Jammer, plants a kiss on Tansy and notes, "we should go out sometime," which is one of those moves that is TOTALLY swoony when you're sprung on the guy and really creepy if you're not. Luckily, Tansy is fully into this.
Waaaah
Speaking of people's relationships, Lavon and AB are dunzo. He -- very sweetly -- brings her some greasy food, both to mark the end of Health Month, and because he knows she's hungover. And she basically tells him that she KNOWS. She's known that he's the love of her life since a month into their relationship. And she asks if, after a year, he thinks that she is the love of HIS life, and his reaction is, "I love you, so much....????" Oh, Lavon. At least your gorgeous orchid windowpane-checked pants are totally on trend. I have to note that Kaitlyn Black was very good in this scene. I said the other week that too much AB can be a little much for me -- I like her, but she needs Lemon to balance her tendency to high-voiced hysteria -- but she was very emotionally effective and subtle here. This is a bummer, although I do think that eventually Lavon will Realize The Error Of His Ways.
Uh, okay.
And then I think the writers must have gotten a note that they had to end on Zoe and Joel and a little happiness, rather than on the biggest plot development of the episode, because post-fist-fight, he meets up with her and she starts freaking out about where they're going to live, and he just stops her and says: "Zoe! I just got my ass kicked. I got clocked in the face. Kinda sexy, right?" And then they kiss and that's the end...? That's...not a great button for an episode. And I say that as someone who likes Joel -- unlike, as AB notes, the commenters on the message boards on Dash's blog. Meta-commentary!!