Pants
These are Jane's ill-fated pants. We are to believe she woke up before school, found these in her closet, and decided to send these through her cruel sewing machine, all before the first bell. What did she do to them?
Outfit #1
She made shorts. So I guess that's not as involved. But still. Listen, I don't know how to sew, much less use a machine that sews for me. Can you make shorts before school? And would you even want to?
Jane
She paired it with a red cardigan and a shirt, and some jewelry... all of this seems smartly chosen by the costumer as stuff Jane could theoreticaly make look new by pairing it with different layers. Also, yes, she's in the toilet at school, juggling commitments (not a euphemism). I can't figure out her life: I seem to recall something about her arranging leaving school early for an internship, but where does Andie's company think she is for half the day? And why does Andie always pop up for a surprise video chat when Jane is already at work? Where is the scene where she turns on the Skype wall at 9 a.m. and screams for two hours because her assistant is nowhere to be found?
Technology
I guess she does this instead. So sweet that she signs her own texts. Actually, I can totally believe some self-involved fashion mogul would not understand that you don't need to do that, although come to think of it, i CANNOT believe some self-involved fashion mogul would a) assume you don't IMMEDIATELY know who it is, or b) take the time to type a dash and then her own name.
Jane
Andie, meanwhile, pops up wearing big necklaces -- like I said, this show loves its accessories -- and with different partners in crime. In one scene, it was the froggy-voiced nutbar Pat Field, who was actually really funny. This is her gay Yes Man who does nothing but repeat certain words Andie says while nodding. He is also kind of funny, dammit.
Outfit #2
Meanwhile, Jane -- as is her wont -- has changed clothes for work (she does this in the backseat of Duckie's car. Apparently he is cleared to skip school to drive her to the train station). The blouse is cute; the pants are capris with shiny buttons, so not that much of a step up, maturity-wise, from formal shorts with tights. I'm not sure why she blew two outfits in one day. HOWEVER, I have to give this show props for finding ways to outfit her for this job without veering her into trashy or inappropriately old. She still looks her age. Which makes it that much more amazing that nobody has ASKED her age. Including the horny male designer -- let's call him Stef even though he's nice -- who wants to get into her sailor pants.
Jane
However, I do still have a footwear beef: HOW DOES SHE AFFORD THOSE SHOES. They are major shoes. Is there an outlet called Major Shoes near her shanty?
Duckie
Meanwhile, Duckie is caddying for his illicit girlfriend's father. Somehow, he works at a country club that allows its employees to wear cut-off khakis and red high-top converse. That seems wrong. He also gets upset when his popular ladylove Lulu pretends she has never met him before, and then embarrasses her father by hitting a perfect shot with one of his clubs. He is so fired, in real life. Fortunately for him, he did not get fired in Jane Life.
Lulu
Lulu at least came prepared, in booty shorts and argyle. I am ALSO pretty sure most country clubs don't like you on the links in hot pants, but maybe there is a hierarchy and argyle overrides everything. It is here that Blane -- in search of support in getting Jane to talk to him -- shows up and catches Duckie and Lulu making out. Lulu flips out and leaves. Blane promises not to tell, acts very nice and smart, and gets Duckie to agree to talk him up to Jane.
Outfit #3
Interestingly, I feel like this is the same outfit she wore here in the premiere. Intentional, I wonder, or re-shoots that they hoped nobody would notice? Or, different? I can't tell because they never linger on the outfit in either episode. Maybe that in itself is the answer. MYSTERIES.
Anyway, Jane is reluctant to believe that Blane could be interested in her, because he hasn't spoken to her since a game of Seven Minutes in Heaven in middle school and she thinks she's an outcast loser. Duckie is all, no, dude, Blane is the jam, but Jane is off and running to answer some phone call or other.
Outfit #4
Cut to Jane changing clothes in Duckie's car, recalling how Lulu once pranked her in fourth grade by inviting her to a sleepover and giving her an address to a convenience store. I have to give props to Erica Dasher: She is doing a great job selling a character who is lovely and smart and witty, yet totally clueless that any of that is true. It's what would've made Easy A more believable: Emma Stone was too cool and self-aware and beautiful and quip-for-every-occasion to make us believe Olive was a social nobody; Jane is endearing because, in all her tongue-tied awkwardness, she's become a nobody because SHE doesn't believe she's a somebody.
Anyway, Jane pops out of the car dressed for work in a very elaborate sweater and skirt set and Hipper Than Thou cummerbund belt, all designed to showcase her boobs in this cami top. It's the closest to Come Hither she's ever gotten, and she seals it with this:
Outfit #4 again
WHAT is her shoe budget? I hope she wove these herself out of discarded pants threads and hardened bubblegum, or that we're about to get a massive eBay montage in episode three.
Duckie
Duckie is impressed and lost for words. I don't know if he's proud of her or if we're supposed to think he's falling for her. Should I tell him how the movie ends?
Outfit #5
Cute shirt and cardigan and necklace, well accessorized again. Maybe THAT is why people at her school hate her. She never shows up in jeans and a tank with bedhead and a pimple.
Blane
Blane doesn't hate her, though. Blane wants to thread his needle and repurpose her pants, if you get my gist.
Outfit #6
And so then Molly Ringwald-- whoops, Jane -- finds her mother's old pink dress and decides to make it something better. Should I tell her how THAT part of the movie ends?
Outfit #7
I guess not, because she does a rather nicer job of it than Molly Ringwald did, even if the entire effect is a bit like Courtney Love choreographing Swan Lake.
Jane
She also added a trip of bra straps on each side. Let us all pour some out for the three black bras that are now sitting lifeless on her bedroom floor, waiting for her to turn them into shoulder pads or designer eye patches.
Duckie, by the way, got a talking-to by Blane about how he shouldn't accept Lulu only wanting to be with him in secret. So he dumps Lulu. She is crabby about it.
Jane
I will hand it to the costumers -- it might be a little ridiculous, and they might have some kind of fetish for tight-topped, floaty-bottomed gowns a la Carrie Bradshaw in the tutu. But this is definitely what this girl would make for herself at her first big school dance, and it works on her in this context AND on the model at the fashion show. But I'm getting ahead of myself...
Outfit #8
Jane keeps on her tights and these ALSO VERY PRICEY SHOES, but swaps her clothes to go back and forth from the dance -- where she and Blane are boogying and moony-eyed and having a lovely time -- to the fashion show, where she and Stef styled everyone impeccably. We are asked to believe that Andie, bigwig fashion mogul, entrusted the ENTIRE styling of this career-critical runway presentation to a personal assistant she has not yet met in person, without approving or even LOOKING AT any of it before she saw it on the runway. That is so ridiculous it actually hurt my hands to type it.
FASHION
And of course one of the dresses breaks, and JUST at that moment Jane rushes in having screwed up her wardrobe changes and thus wearing the wrong outfit, and Stef convinces her to swap in her "fabulous" dress for the broken one. Andie decides this is ballsy YET BRILLIANT (score: two episodes, two "OMG I have one school and one work commitment at the same time" scenes, two "that was ballsy... YET BRILLIANT" outcomes). I totally forgot to get a photo of Andie in this part, but it was just a black dress with a necklace and some cheekbones so you weren't missing much.
Duckie
Jane goes back to the dance, only to find out everyone is gone and she didn't get back to Blane. Then, in a scene that's mash-up of Pretty In Pink and Sixteen Candles, Jane wanders sadly out of the building, and as the last limo pulls away, it reveals Duckie and his hipster outfit waiting for her across the street, leaning on his car, smiling.
Duckie
He's all, "Yo, Jane, by episode ten you'll be wearing my tie as a thong. BELIEVE." We'll see, Duckie. We'll see.