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# Fug the Show: Recap of "Lindsay" on OWN, season 1, episode 3
- URL: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-lindsay-recap-season-1-episode-3/
- Published: 2014-03-26T18:00:13.000Z
- Updated: 2014-04-01T23:23:37.000Z
- Author: Heather
- Tags: #wp, #wp-gallery, #slideshow, #Import 2026-10-07 07:37

## Freaky Pantsday

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-1.xml)

The entire first act is devoted to Lindsay moving into her apartment while dressed like a part-time fortune-teller. You can tell the show has had trouble getting her to cooperate much because they COMPLETELY lead the story here by having Lindsay and Assistant Matt, both in interview bites, discussing whether she is mad at him and how they're not communicating, but they don't as of yet have any reality footage to pin it on, so it's mostly her milling around her empty room in TERRIFYING blue pants and a flesh-colored tank and a head scarf. There's no question she knew she was being filmed, so the fact that she wore those on camera FOR AN ETERNITY suggests already that her decision-making is bad and she should not be doing this. The clothes don't lie.

## Freaky #SaveMattday

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-2.xml)

So, her assistant, who got his own #SaveMatt hashtag on Twitter when this aired, gets on camera in his three-piece suit and tells us that when he took the job, he told Lindsay that all he needed to keep her affairs in order was five minutes at the beginning and end of each day, and she agreed, and she hasn't done it. For someone who has said REPEATEDLY that broken promises are her hot button, Lindsay is terrible at remembering her own. I suspect she wasn't listening. And that this ENTIRE production is in fact an example of how she agrees to things without ever paying attention to the details. Not like Matt, who is nattily dressed all the time even when Lindsay is wearing Stuff Satan Made. Prince taught him well.

## Freaky Hollieday

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-3.xml)

This is great. So, Hat Girl is named Hollie, and Lindsay hired her as a temporary second assistant because her father met a guy at a treatment center who had a really fun British girlfriend, and here she is. NO, REALLY. Michael Lohan INVITED SOME RANDOM DUDE'S GIRLFRIEND PERSON to help his troubled, untrusting child move into her new place. ON CAMERA. For money. Tell me that isn't hinky, you guys. Like, in an "I think she's cute and maybe she'll sleep with me" kind of way. Pure speculation. But it feels pervy on his part and opportunistic at best on the girl's part, right? And it gets better: The director asks Hollie what she thinks her job is and Hollie's response is, "I get to find out lots of things." For WHAT? Are you going to sell it? Are you a spy? WHO DOES NUMBER TWO WORK FOR??!?!

Lindsay is telling us she just needs a woman's touch to understand how to fold her clothes -- I am not making this up -- and that it wasn't because she was mad at Matt or anything, even though we have not yet seen anything to indicate that she even MIGHT be mad at Matt, because they're saving all that for later. However, all evidence points to Hollie just standing around and trying things on, because I don't even know. This is not a wise use of your barely earned cash, Lindsay. I want to line-item your life.

## Freaky Clothesday

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-3-3.xml)

And Lindsay, with a cig hanging from her lip, models a few of her outfits. She notes that all these boxes contain a decade's worth of stuff she hasn't even seen recently, and even unearths a box of her old awards, like something from MTV and something she and her friends laugh at called the Capri Global Award from 2007, which is totally a thing somebody made up to get Lindsay Lohan to come to their event. And it apparently worked.

## Freaky Movingday

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-4.xml)

What is #SaveMatt doing? Moving all Lindsay's belongings from Dina's garage into Lindsay's new apartment. This child did not even pay movers. She got a GIANT TRUCK -- which, satisfyingly, backs into Dina's driveway and totally hacks away at half her greenery, which I am sorry about except that Dina is the worst -- and yet is making her assistant and the driver do all the hauling. And he STILL looks better-dressed than she does. And he complains that he still hasn't gotten any time to speak with her about what the hell is going on and how to schedule her, and other logistical things. Parenthetically, I get the sense the production doesn't want to have much to do with Dina, because she lurks at the fringes of this moving scene, which is AT HER HOUSE, and yet doesn't really make it on camera much. It feels like a win for us.

## Freaky Coachday

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-5.xml)

Sober Coach Michael says meaningful things about how chaos is terrible for people struggling with recovery, and that the number one rule of the first year of sobriety is to avoid pressure and change. Like, say, doing a TV show all about your life and moving into your first apartment. He all but says flat-out that this is the worst idea. Where was Sober Coach Michael when she was signing these contracts? EXACTLY. I don't mean to be cynical, but: It's easy to object to all this when you're on camera and presumably getting paid for your objections.

## Freaky Messday

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-7.xml)

Lindsay has now enlisted a small army of people to take clothes out of boxes and yet nothing is out of boxes. Coach Michael was sitting in a hallway lifting clothes and purses off the floor and then just confusedly putting them down again (he's a sober coach, not an organizing coach, y'all). And then the guys are lugging a bunch of back into the elevator to take back to storage someplace. LIndsay needs to have a massive yard sale. She can save on storage bills AND maybe not have to do this reality show to pay the rent, while at the same time getting rid of a bunch of stuff she obviously doesn't want. And if she doesn't find anyone whose lawn she can borrow, she should look into a little online yard called eBay.

## Freaky Quitday

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-8.xml)

#SaveMatt is impatient. He is pretty sure he's not going to get any time with Lindsay today, and says being a good personal assistant means you have to care about the person and get on the same page with them, and that Lindsay isn't making time for him to do that. Can we read between the lines and assume this means he didn't care about Shaun White and that he hates snowboarding or something? WHAT WENT DOWN, Y'ALL? I just want a show all about #SaveMatt.

Anyway, they enlist Michael Lohan to lead #SaveMatt with a few questions about whether he's going to quit, and it seems to ME that #SaveMatt can barely contain how low his regard is for this person. But he says yes, if he doesn't talk to her, he will quit, and the clock is ticking (I feel like they might have overstated some of this just to give acts one and two a story, because it TOTALLY goes away later). And #SaveMatt DELICIOUSLY points out that this OUGHT not to be so complicated because Lindsay doesn't exactly have much happening right now. Oh, #SaveMatt, you HATE THIS JOB. It's okay. The entire crew, at this point, feels your pain. Somewhere Shaun White is watching and going, "Why was our time together so brief? Maybe THAT'S why I flamed out in the Olympics. GET ME #SAVEMATT."

## Freaky Textday

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-9.xml)

And then one day, while the crew has dutifully waited for an HOUR outside her apartment for a scheduled shoot, Lindsay sends Amy -- the director -- a text saying she needs a personal day. Please note that here she is playing the Sober Coach/Delicate Flower card, because later, she tells them she needs to see her dermatologist and go to AA. I'm sure she does need to do some of those things, but she also needs to get her story straight -- is she too pressured and needs a peaceful day of unpacking, or does she have a dermatologist appointment? Make up your mind, girl. I suspect the change of heart is because she wants to leave her house to go somewhere and can't because she blew them off, unless she comes up with a valid off-site excuse, and so she's using AA and her skin doctor. Amy confirms that at this point they are ENRAGED because it's costing the production time and money to stand around her house for two hours, only to find out yet again that she doesn't want to shoot.

## Freaky Lackeyday

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-10.xml)

THEN Lindsay sends down her sober coach. It's hard to know if he is really her envoy, or if production was like, "Look, you are on our payroll -- YOU come down and give us some scenes we can use." But he comes down to argue Lindsay's case. He gives us some blah-blah about how "it takes time to integrate your systems," and then basically tells Amy that Lindsay feels like they have enough footage of her unpacking her apartment. Amy astutely asks him if he thinks Linds is self-sabotaging, and he replies, "Yes." THEN TELL *HER* THAT, SOBER COACH.

Later, I realized that the issue is this: Lindsay is self-conscious because she has nothing else happening in her life right now, and she's panicking that the SHOW is therefore going to be about how she has nothing happening in her life, and that's going to make even FEWER things happen. This is a primo reason why it's a bad idea to want your own reality show: You don't realize how mundane you are until a camera crew is asking you what you're up to that might make good story, and the answer is, "I am polishing my Capri Global Award from 2007."

## Freaky PocketSquareDay

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-11.xml)

Oh, #SaveMatt, your pocket linens are SO wasted on this wastrel. He has the BEST aggravated facial expressions. I feel that he and Dorothy Zbornak would have been soulmates.

## Freaky Crewday

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-12.xml)

Amy calls Craig, the production company head, and tells him what's up -- that Lindsay routinely sends them random texts blowing off shoots when they've already arrived, which is REALLY an abuse of last week's "please communicate more directly with Amy" mandate. Craig calls Lindsay. And the solution somehow is... and this must have pissed off a lot of people... that they're going send production upstairs to HELP LINDSAY UNPACK, because this will prevent her from feeling stressed out, and they can shoot some of it. Yes, Lindsay has turned the crew into fifteen more personal assistants. Above you see the facial expression on the production manager, who has just been told of this plan, and that blessed woman is doing everything she can not to explode from the ears. All of this perhaps could have been solved if Lindsay had said, the day she moved in, "Okay, give me three days to unpack and then we'll do some stuff." I think we're starting to see why she is such an insurance liability on shoots -- Lindsay obviously thinks a professional call sheet is just an adorable suggestion.

## Freaky Freakday

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-14.xml)

You need to see all this mess. You need to see how these clothes have been treated. Why? Because in the next scene, Lindsay starts pointing the Blame Finger at #SaveMatt, claiming that all this is going wrong because she asked him to either a) fold her clothes, or b) hire a PERSONAL CLOSET ORGANIZER FOR HER, and he has done neither. NEVER MIND that she had TWENTY PEOPLE IN HER HOUSE, most of them crew members, helping her unpack her clothing boxes while #SaveMatt was carrying all her furniture in and out of moving trucks. Never mind that you are a GROWN WOMAN and if you can't figure out where your clothes go your own damn self, or with the help of TWENTY other people or your super fun stranger who is your new Second Assistant, then you need to rethink your life. And if your closet is too small, downsize the wardrobe or turn your guest bedroom into a wardrobe. This is not hard. JUST DO IT. You have TWO Person Coaches on your staff. Make one of them coach you.

She further says these are expensive things that she worked for and are meaningful to her, which TOTALLY explains why she invited RANDOM PEOPLE to go through it all and then allowed them to leave everything strewn around; if it means so much to you, then PICK IT UP YOURSELF. Don't just walk around the piles and then complain that nobody is taking care of your stuff. IT'S YOUR STUFF. AAARGH. Mom, I'm sorry for every day in my life that I did not tidy my room. Including yesterday. Which I shouldn't have told you because you don't live here, but whatever, it's truth-telling time. #SAVEMATT.

## Freaky Nipsday

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-15.xml)

Lindsay then allows herself to be filmed in THIS shirt -- she will HATE that when she sees it -- and lays into #SaveMatt. Her messy apartment and the fact that she got reamed off-camera by Craig The Producer causes her to spin some convoluted tale about how #SaveMatt failed to get copies of her keys to himself or anyone else -- when in fact he had to special-order them and was waiting for them to arrive -- and so she says he's not doing his job and contributing to her chaos. Matt says, "If I'd had my five minutes..." And then Lindsay actually says to him, "I feel like I'm working for YOU, then, and I have to give YOU time, so I should be getting the paycheck."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, Lindsay Lohan's greatest talent is turning everything into someone else's fault. She is a crisis alchemist. She will make any problem into something of which she can absolve herself. Blowing off production? Oh, that's because she didn't have keys to her apartment to give to her sister, who isn't here, and a hundred other dipshit randos who are trying on her clothes and then not putting them away anywhere helpful. It all sort of makes you sympathetic to the Probable Douchebag from the first episode who made the "lingerie" "film" and was so frustrated with her. Because she obviously agrees to things and then realizes too late that she wasn't paying attention, and freaks out, and then makes it your fault that she's upset. It's amazing. It's tantrum magic.

## Freaky Pepsiday

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-16.xml)

Look, I'm not saying the reason she's deluded and irrational is because she drinks the wrong cola. I'm just presenting the evidence and letting you decide for yourself.

It gets worse: She tells #SaveMatt he's badgering her about the damn five minutes, and when he says he hardly ever gets to talk to her, she snaps, "Fine, would you like to make a LIST of what you need from me? Would THAT make you happy?" And #SaveMatt calmly says, "I want five minutes at the beginning of the day and five minutes at the end of the day," and she's like, "Well I need YOU to get me a BED to SLEEP ON." Oh my GOD. This child. No wonder she is impossible. USE THE INTERNET IF IT'S THAT DIRE. Isn't shopping like the last thing she is capable of doing at this point? Matt politely tells us that there is no place for ego when you are someone's personal assistant. That is extremely true, I suspect, and also possibly extremely unhealthy.

The thing is, I actually Linds is smart about some stuff. But only in retrospect, only with a lot of remove from it. ANY TIME she gets in trouble for anything she IMMEDIATELY spins yarns that pit you against her so that everything you say sounds defensive even when you're in the right. It is IMPOSSIBLE to argue with people like that, and #SaveMatt seems to know this, and keeps his mouth shut and is more restrained and polite than I think any of us would be in this situation. I would be like, "I am the only person around here who is NOT kissing your ass, and those people are TOXIC for you so HAVE FUN WITH YOUR HUMAN POISON, and F OFF, GOOD DAY SIR, I SAID GOOD DAY."

## Freaky Eyebrowville

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-17.xml)

So THEN, Lindsay goes to lunch with AJ, which was clearly a scheduled stop so they could get LiLo on camera bitching about things. AJ doesn't even have to do much. She tells Lindsay that if her day stars out spinning and chaotic, it will stay that way; she has to start out calm. Lindsay says, "There's lots of people and words and chatter and things in the universe that I don't want around me, and my way of showing that is to say, 'Fuck you, I'm not coming down and putting a mic on.'" That doesn't entirely make sense and I can't figure out what she's ACTUALLY referring to; it's one of those lines where I wonder if the context wasn't usable but the line is so good that they were like, "Well, we'll try and sell it." It is THIS conversation, I think, where you realize that she had no idea what she was doing here.

Jess and I were saying that we think reality TV -- or a documentary, really -- can be a jolt for actors. They think it'll be just like standing on a film set, but in fact, it's a whole different kind of camera presence, and being YOURSELF is different ball of wax. They realize quickly how much of their image is predicated on people NOT knowing how mundane the day to day can be; they're too dependent on the varnish to give it up comfortably. And a project where the cameras really ARE just tracking your comings and goings is a lot more raw than a Kardashian show, especially when you HAVE no comings and goings. And THAT, I think, is at the heart of why Lindsay is freaking out and banning the cameras. She has realized people will see this and know exactly how much nothing fills her days.

## Freaky Handsday

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-18.xml)

This next bit is tremendous. Lindsay complains that she thought she was signing up for something gritty and real "and cool and normal." THEN she says she thought it'd be, say, going to a place for lunch, and the camera would be there already (because THAT is super gritty and real). She repeats that she signed up for something where, and I quote, "the camera would just BE THERE," not like on the Kardashians show (which she is quick to say is fine but not her thing, because LORD FORBID you piss off Kris Jenner, I guess?)(also, just because the camerapeople walk around their house, it doesn't mean that shit isn't HIGHLY staged and that the cameras are carefully placed). And THEN THEN she says her recovery is sacred and she doesn't want any of it on camera.

So let's get this straight: She wants a show that's gritty and real, but then also where the cameras aren't actually WITH her; they're just on tripods in random restaurants, and also her gritty and real show can't include anything gritty or real. But she doesn't want it to be like the Kardashians' stuff. What is LEFT? Did she think this was a game show?

I respect her wanting to protect her sobriety, but when you sign onto a show about how you're rebuilding your life, the recovery is a HUGE part of that, and I think she's once again using it as something to hide behind so people will feel sympathy and take it easy on her. She seemed FINE with it at first; I think the longer her life dragged on with nothing to show for it, with producers likely asking her every day to shoot and her having zero new to offer, she has decided the production is the problem. She tells AJ that the Craig side only wants drama, and the Oprah side, she claims, wants it to be REAL. CHILD. THEY ARE TRYING TO BE REAL. YOU WILL NOT LET THEM. She's preventing them from filming any of the real stuff she's doing, like sleeping in until 3 in her hotel and unpacking her apartment and even going to her damn dermatologist. What does she think "real" means? Do we need to buy her a dictionary? She is crafting these objections on the fly and it's fascinating because you can tell they are valid to her own ears.

## Freaky Duhface

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-19.xml)

So AJ asks Lindsay why her recovery is so sacred. And Lindsay spits, "It's my life. Why is that even a question?" Which is legit. It was a stupid question. I think AJ was just trying to get her to keep talking. And she does: Lindsay then says the camera people walking with her create a paparazzi-like situation, which looks like chaos, which means all people will see is negativity and stress, and somehow that gets to, "And then I look like the one who's not accountable, the one who's not around." You ARE the one who's not accountable! There is NO way to spin that! Ack! I would LOVE to be a fly on the wall while she watches this, to see if she can hear herself and understand why everyone around her is going, "...???"

Finally, Lindsay rants that she thought she could handle this, but she can't; she should've told them she needed more time, and she's never doing to do anything like this again (no worries there, Lindsay; this director seems unflinchingly patient and if SHE wants to yank out all your hair at the root...). She also says she's annoyed that the questions are all about whether she's sober. We haven't heard that asked by anyone, but maybe that is the chatter she was referring to two slides ago? And that's a reason she got testy about the crews?

The thing is, those questions are going to happen. They just are. It's unusual that she's coping with them in this scenario, and it sucks if people were gossiping, but honey, the burden of proof in your life is now SQUARELY on your shoulders and you don't seem to realize that. Your vouchers are cashed. It's on your actions now, not on anyone's faith.

## Freaky OWNday

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-21.xml)

Time to call in the big gun. Oprah asks things like whether Lindsay has stayed sober, and correctly notes that that nobody can do their jobs if Lindsay doesn't show. Her assistant says she thinks the challenge to Lindsay is that if she quits, the press will hound her about not following through. And Oprah is like, "Who cares? If she's not ready, she's not ready." And then she kind of awesomely wonders if the reason they have no footage is because nothing is happening: "Maybe there's not much going on. Has anyone thought of that?" Did YOU not think of that, Oprah? The whole PROBLEM with her life, the whole reason she is available to DO this, is because there's not much going on. Maybe she meant in the proverbial upstairs.

## Freaky Dinaday

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-23.xml)

Dina is there fluffing her hair, smiling, waiting for Oprah to come and hug her and meet Lindsay's grandmother, even though the whole meeting is because Lindsay is in deep shit and she knows it, and the producers know Lindsay is powerless in the face of Oprah. It is a masterstroke having Oprah at the heart of all this, because there is NO WAY Lindsay is going to quit this project while Oprah freaking Winfrey is in the middle of her living room giving her the business. But Dina acts like she's just coming over for some coffee cake.

## Freaky Awesomeface

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-24.xml)

Oprah looks DOUBTFUL the whole time she and Lindsay talk (again without Dina, whose general presence seemed to mortify Lindsay at times). Lindsay starts off by saying she needs a schedule. Which is ridic because they've MADE scheduled appointments and she's not met them. My guess is they're trying to make her a participant in what they shoot and what they don't, and she's a) taking advantage of that to not shoot, and b) getting stressy because she has nothing to offer them. Oprah levels her with, "I want you to win. I need to see a sense of urgency to get it right." She ALSO lectures her on how, as a professional person in the entertainment industry, Lindsay is well aware that an entire team of people is dependent on her to show up when she says she will, and get it right. Would you like to see what it looks like when Oprah Winfrey is in your living room telling you to get your act together?

## Freaky Chagrinday

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-27.xml)

Yeah.

Oprah kindly tells her to cut the bullshit -- that IS her word -- and use the intelligence in her head and her heart to stop wasting everyone's time and do what they set out to do. She doesn't want to hear about Lindsay not keeping her commitments and says she can't be there for Lindsay if she doesn't trust that Lindsay will live up to her end of the deal. And you'll notice that all of Lindsay's bravado, all that quasi-articulate bluster she spewed to AJ. completely dissolves because on some level she KNOWS it is self-delusion and that she cannot put any of it past Oprah because Oprah will roll it up and light it and smoke it and blow that smoke right back in Lindsay's hair.

## Freaky Cryday

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-25.xml)

Oprah also asks the question Linds was complaining she didn't want people to ask: whether Lindsay has stayed sober, with booze or Adderall or any of it. Lindsay does not mind so much when Oprah is the one asking. And Lindsay says yes. And Oprah cannot figure out why Lindsay isn't celebrating that, because she has clearly been freaking out and yet hasn't had a backslide. Lindsay starts crying because I legitimately think it hadn't occurred to her to think of it that way, and if that's true, then her Sober Coach AND her Life Coach need to go to Coaching School, which I certainly hope is run by Coach Taylor even though he is fictional. Although frankly I am starting to think those two yahoos are fictional as well, in a sense.

Oprah then points out that she has to prove her naysayers wrong, because "the vultures are out there to PICK YOUR BONES... if it were me, I wouldn't let 'em have me," and instructs Linds to calm down and relax and make her schedule, and turn the show into something instructive about how to turn it around when your life is a total wreck. She says, "I believe that YOU believe this is your time, and you won't fuck it up if you believe." And then the two of them giggle that Oprah said the word "fuck," and Lindsay is like, "I needed to hear that," and I think she's talking about the actual F bomb more than the counsel.

## Freaky Endday

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-28.xml)

And so, Oprah gets Lindsay to admit that she does still want to do this. I'm not sure she is totally convinced of that herself, or whether it's just the power of having Oprah in your house telling you she thinks you're NOT a total waste of her time. I mean, that would be pretty hard to argue with, and I say that as someone who wanted to punch the TV during many of Oprah's final years as a talk show host. She handles Lindsay EXTREMELY intelligently. This further validates the argument that Oprah and Stedman need to adopt Lindsay and raise her on their ranch in California. On camera. If OWN isn't thriving in six months, she really ought to consider it. It'd be like an extremely different Anne of Green Gables, where the plucky redhead has to win over the stern, exacting mother figure, and the father figure who will be sneaking her puffy-sleeved dresses because he thinks she's sweet.

[Fug the Show: Recap of "Lindsay" on OWN, season 1, episode 3In which Lindsay manages to a) get production to UNPACK HER APARTMENT, b) scapegoat her assistant, and then c) scapegoat THE ENTIRE PRODUCTION, before Oprah gives her a talking-to that involves a few kindly bleepings. We've decided what Season 2 is: OPRAH ADOPTS LINDSAY. Stedman is even a life coach, sort of -- his Web site says he teaches Identity Development and how to relax and get a grip and stop being blinded to who you really are by all your freakouts (this is a very faulty paraphrasing), and Lindsay would be CATNIP for him. Make it happen, Oprah. Dina would probably give her to you for one car payment.![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/lindsays1ep3-1.xml)](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-lindsay-recap-season-1-episode-3-03-2014/)