Candy
I would NEVER side-eye candy. Who do you think I am? Also, I hope you get the symbolism here. LOOK AT ALL THE CHOICES WE MAY HAVE IN LIFE AND WHATEVER SHALL WE CHOOSE ETC. Despite the Snarky All Caps, I actually liked very much the running theme in this episode -- about the future, and the choices we make that take us there, the way things don't always turn out the way we envision them, and the way it feels to see people standing where we once stood, with all of their careers and families and lives ahead of them. Even when this show isn't perfect, it's almost always extraordinarily layered (which is what last week's episode lacked, I think) and that makes for such a rich viewing experience. No side eye there.
Meredith
Also none for Meredith, whom I love. One of you -- and take credit in the comments and I will add in your shout-out here! -- noted that she reminds you of Lucy from Twin Peaks and I think that is DEAD ON. I DO, however, side-eye the fact that we are back to Don having to shave in the office. He's ALSO drinking again AT THE OFFICE and he's eating a lot of donuts. DON. You are RUINING YOUR PERFECT FACE. (Actually, given some events of later in the episode, I suspect he may be subconsciously trying to ruin his perfect face but I don't appreciate it. PRESERVE YOUR FACE LIKE A WORK OF ART.)
Meredith 2
Meredith would wear rick rack.
Meredith 3 With an Assist from a Sombrero
And I am not ashamed to note that I would totally wear that dress. PS: has Don always had a sombrero in his office? (He has this entire season, but am I blacking out an episode that was Sombrero-related?)
Lily Anne Lonergan
ZERO side-eye to Lily Anne Lonergan -- you may remember her from her hit tune, "Run From Wade" -- from Hart of Dixie, as Joan's not particularly amenable but seemingly nice-enough babysitter/nanny. Matt Weiner LOVES casting people who were on CW shows, which is one thing that I find makes him more likeable than he might otherwise be.
Desperation Realty
And NO side-eye at all to Don's Realtor, who is JUST TRYING TO SELL HIS APARTMENT, even though it's sad and has wine-stained carpets and no furniture and he isn't making her life any easier with all his dumb obsessing over his dumb symbol of his failed marriage.
DO YOU GET THE SUBTEXT OF PREGNANCY???
But she is a way savvy business lady and she unloads this albatross to a couple who has their entire future in front of them. "UNLIKE YOU, DRAPER," she doesn't yell. Props to you, perky and hard-working realtor who hasn't (that I remember) even slept with Don. You and Joan and Peggy were all very competent and awesome working women this week and I salute you.
Don and the Decor
As Don closes the door on that nice family, and his old life, he has a poignant realization: "....I've NEVER liked this wallpaper, anyway."
Joan
It was lovely to get to spend some time with Joan this week, and it ought not surprise you that she sleeps in a glorious eye mask and the world's most beautiful nightgown and is basically a vision of perfection when she wakes up in Los Angeles on a business trip and poses in the morning light. There is an amazing moment wherein she calls room service and orders, "a glass of skim milk, a grapefruit, and a pot of coffee. [LONG PAUSE] And French toast." THANK GOD. You are perfect, Joan, just as you are.
Joanie
She pops into the LA office and ends up Meeting Cute this ALLEGEDLY rich developer and I have my doubts about him on a variety of levels, not least of which is that Joan sometimes makes Bad Man Choices.
The Joanster
But she does get to wear this dressing gown during their roll in the hay, and a wonderful moment where she tells him that she's got the job she's always wanted, and there's this cute back and forth about how SHE's the busy executive and I would not be side-eying any of it except I don't trust this guy.
Joanalicious
But he kind of wines and dines her -- well, he literally wines and dines her --- and he tracks her down at the office in New York...and he eventually has a semi-violent strop when he finds out that she has a child because THAT'S NOT PART OF HIS PLAN! Who cares about your plan, dude? SIDE EYE TO YOU.
Joantastic
He also, it must be noted, wears some TRULY HIDEOUS items.
Joanarama
And when Richard throws said aforementioned strop, Joan looks glorious in this gown, and is glorious when she says, to him, "what a disappointment you are," and then she leaves, because...come on, dude. She's got a kid. Get over yourself. Also, you barely know her and you sort of followed her to NYC, and this whole thing is one of those stories that's romantic if you're crazy about the guy and freaky if you aren't and I can't tell which is which in this scenario.
Joanalator
But Joan's polka dots are FABULOUS.
JOAN
And eventually Richard puts on an ascot -- it's TERRIBLE -- and comes into the office and apologizes and says he's moving to the city (ALREADY?) and wants to make time for her, and her child, and her mother, in his life. "I don't want to be rigid. It makes you old," he says. And SIDE-EYE because this feels WAY TOO SOON and semi-stalker-y and also he makes a snide comment about how he'd never buy property downtown (Joan lives on 12th) because that's ridiculous so he also clearly lacks real estate acumen or foresight. I want better for Joan than a tan strop-haver in a man bracelet. Although I suppose he's better than the last guy.
Hamm Ass
No side-eye for semi-naked Hamm.
These Dipshits
But LOADS of it for the dipshits he has to supervise. It's a wonder Peggy hasn't knocked anyone's heads together yet. In short: these two get into a fight in front of a client in a pitch and Nerdy tells Glasses to fuck off.
THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH
EXACTLY.
Bickering
And there is, of course, a lot of chatter about this and how they're going to handle the issue, including this sincerely great scene with these three, where Peggy and Pete are yelling at each other and Pete is an uptight old lady (one of my favorite iterations of Pete) and Peggy is yelling at him that he can't FIRE HER PEOPLE and stomping around and Don basically tells them exactly what to do. Those are my absolute favorite scenes on this show: Peggy being sassy and awesome, Pete being in a snit, Don knowing exactly how to handle the client whilst standing in front of candy. It was great. Also, again, Elizabeth Moss's hair looks really good this season AT LAST.
"Have You Ever Seen This Episode of 30 Rock...."
So, Dillweed here comes in to get Don's advice on how to smooth things over after F U Gate and Don does two things: (1)he tells a story of how he screwed up a meeting with Lucky Strike, and how he fixed it (by being a cocksure but incredibly handsome smooth talker with great charisma who's otherwise amazing at his job, basically), and (2) he then tells Dillweed how HE needs to handle it (self-deprecation and an apologetic joke but not a full-on apology). But Dillweed here listens to this and then goes and does what DON DID, despite that not being his instructions AND despite not being able to carry it off at all. It goes over terribly, and Don fires him. Not only for screwing this up, but mostly because he then comes in and tells Don that he's "JUST HANDSOME" and that's the only reason he gets away with anything. And that, my friends, is bullshit. Don IS obviously very handsome (and was more handsome during the Lucky Strike heyday), but he was also (and this is one of the reasons we went places with Don so readily, I think) CRAZY GOOD AT HIS JOB. Shut up, Dillweed, and get the hell out!
WHAT YEAR IS IT?!?!?!
In other Don News, he has to write a keynote speech for Roger to give about the future of SCP and he's very blocked. It can't because he doesn't know what year is it.
WON'T SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT YEAR IT IS???
BECAUSE THAT INTEL IS EVERYWHERE. It's because, of course, he is having problems visualizing his own future.
The Student Has Become The Master
This leads to him asking Peggy all kinds of questions about what SHE wants from the future -- in the guise of her performance review -- and being kind of amazed/impressed that she actually knows, and a little cynical about the fact that she thinks she can create something of lasting value in advertising. Several notes: This dress on Peggy looks like a terry cloth bathing suit cover-up; I love all scenes with Don and Peggy, because Hamm and Moss are SO GOOD together and we have gone through SO MUCH with these two characters together; I love you, Peggy, and I hope you get everything you want; DID YOU GO TO PARIS WITH BRIAN KRAKOW OR WHAT????; When Don was sort of...well, unserious about Peggy's review, I loved her for snapping, "well, why don't you write down all of your dreams, SO I CAN SHIT ON THEM," and then storming out. Pegs, he can't. That's literally the assignment Roger gave him and he's got writer's block. Pay attention.
Sally ILU
THANK GOD we get some Sally this week. I side-eye Sally not at all. In fact, I love this scene, wherein she cracks to Betty that her period is late and Betty doesn't fall for it AT ALL.
Holy Shit Glen
And then Glen shows up and my side-eye begins. I saw on Twitter that some people believe that Glen is now super hot. (Comparisons to Matt Lewis were deployed.) I do not agree with this assessment, personally, but I respect your right to have it, and I will note that objectively, yes, he has chest hair now and is a full-fledged adult and we are all a million years old. I will also note that I think Marten Weiner is a terrible actor.
FLAT AFFECT OFF
Actually, I don't think January Jones is, objectively, a good actor either. I think she is EXTREMELY beautiful and I think she has been PERFECTLY cast in this role. I think she's written for masterfully and I think she's great IN THIS PART. But she's got a very flat affect and so does Glen and therefore scenes with the two of them are just mad stilted in a way that is both On Purpose Uncomfortable and Not On Purpose Uncomfortable. Also, please look at those pants. They are hilarious.
Oh, Sally
It turns out Glen has enlisted and is going to Vietnam, and Sally has a fit about this (she cries that she thought Glen opposed the war; they fight; she storms off; she then realizes he might die and she leaves a tearful message for him. In short, she's scared. I always want to hug Sally, but she'd hate it.)
So....
Later, Glen comes back in this horrible shirt that makes me uncomfortable and tells Betty two truths: He was flunking out of college and joined the army because that would make his father far more proud then him flunking out; and that he basically is in love with her and did it for her and plans to stay alive for her or some shit and ??!?!?!?!!??!? His....delivery of this factoid is basically wholly devoid of passion and...is just weird. So weird. I have been side-eying the casting of this part for what feels like twenty years now.
....This Happened
And then Glen basically tries to kiss her and Betty rebuffs him because she's "A MARRIED WOMAN." Also because it's been like ten years of him being weirdly obsessed and creepy about you, Betty. Don't forget to mention that. I SIDE-EYE YOUR EXISTENCE AND CHOICES GLEN.
That said, Betty was very kind and supportive to someone who is going off to Vietnam, and came off as surprisingly normal throughout. Please GOD let this be the end of Glen. I actually really enjoyed Betty's weird relationship with him when he was a kid, and the Mixed Up Files plot when he and Sally ran off to the museum and she got her period was SO GOOD, but...this is enough. Glen's life story need be told no further. (That said, I am pretty sure they're going to kill him off and ideally that episode will merely prove to be a tour de force for Kiernan Shipka.)
Sally Draper's Side-Eye
Meanwhile, Sally's heading off on a school field trip with a variety of classmates and Don takes them all for Chinese before they leave and one of them is SO FLIRTY with him. (He doesn't flirt back, but he also, as he says later, doesn't do anything to embarrass her, AKA tell her to get ahold of herself.) And, to this, Sally gives the rightfully deserved Side-Eye of the Week. DUDE. STOP HITTING ON YOUR FRIEND'S DAD AT DINNER. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? He's just asking all y'all about your plans for the future because he's way behind on this dumb homework he's got and also because he's in the midst of an existential midlife life crisis vis a vis our human existence and the very meaning of life! That's all!
Draper Bus Farewell
And then Don takes Sally to the bus stop and it's so good. I LOVE scenes with these two -- remember when she told him she loved him on Valentine's Day? Or the finale a few seasons ago, where he took her and Bobby to see the house he grew up in, and they exchanged Understanding Glances as Judy Collins played? I side-eye Matthew Weiner for not giving me more Sally and Don. Anyway, Sally snaps that the instant anyone pays attention to Don or Betty, they just "ooze everywhere," and she doesn't want to be like them. And Don tells her, "You may not like this, but you ARE like your mother and me, and you're going to find that out. You are a very beautiful girl. It's up to you to be more than that." And she storms off, and he he gazes after the bus as it pulls off, and wonders if Matthew Weiner got the idea for this episode from that time on 30 Rock that Jon Hamm played a man so handsome that no one ever told him he was basically incompetent at everything.