Red Lips, White Lies
The ladies are tearing it up on-stage, with Hayden doing her usual squat-and-shimmy in an ever-tinier, ever-shinier skirt, and Tami rubbing up on Liam in another pair of tight, sexy pants. Not that Hayden can't carry a dress, but seriously, Tami looks a hundred times sexier even though she's showing fifty percent less skin.
Tami and Hayden
For a "Red Lips, White Lies" tour, there are no red lips here. Maybe that is the white lie?
Ming-Na
Ming-Na has switched from being a doctor to being in the music business. She wants to woo Tami and is pulling out all the stops, including -- later -- a visit to Nashville. Tami isn't sold about backing out on her current contract, because this show can't ever have her do anything morally questionable. Dammit.
Tami and Liam
BUT WAIT. After lots of flirting on-stage with Liam -- which made Hayden angry, because she felt they were pretending she wasn't there -- Liam lays some sweet talk on her and they seem like they might actually... kiss? There's a totally charged moment. It was kind of fantastic.
Tami
Tami is lounging on her plane in a furry something-or-other, befitting a country queen, enjoying the sexual tension and amenities that come with being on the road without your family. They are taking Hayden's jet back to Nashville for Mama Hayden's court hearing about her rehab, and a label party celebrating their hit duet. Liam heckles Hayden a little and there's a lot of kvetching about who has her own plane and who doesn't. Which I guess is the lady rock star equivalent of a penis-measuring contest.
Deacon
Speaking of penises, here is Deacon. The article is about him leaving the Revel Kings, except it outright says he couldn't keep up and fell off the wagon. Tami is shocked SHOCKED I TELL YOU. What's more shocking is the lack of consistent formatting on this article. Are you indenting or not, publication? You can't have it both ways.
Deacon
Deacon is FURIOUS that this scurrilous article full of lies was so carelessly proofed.
Scarlett
Meanwhile, Goofus and Gallant are still writing songs, still not talking about him kissing her, still acting like that never happened, still totally maladjusted.
Lucky Spencer
Lucky is still treating Manager Marilyn like garbage, and decides to go by his name only -- no more "Band" in the title. Because he's THE MAN. I'm not sure why Marilyn puts up with him. Is he THAT good in bed? Because I definitely don't think his music is all that.
Hayden
At the hearing, Mama Hayden is clean and meek. Hayden is moist-eyed and clenchy, and wearing the world's least-flattering updo. It makes her head look like a giant block of wood. Also, I don't completely comprehend her shirt, nor why they all look like they're attending a funeral. Why not dress for some optimism? You can be sober without being sobering.
Not Night Court
Deacon showed up, but felt that the article meant he couldn't speak believably on Hayden's mother's behalf. So Hayden gets up and squirts out two curt sentences "from the heart" and of course they don't work because she delivers them with the enthusiasm of a medical warning in an ad for herpes medication. So the mom can't get out of rehab for a while. But hey, the good news is, she has the rest of the day as a sojourn, so she can come to Hayden's big party with Deacon. Hooray! More of Hayden looking enraged! JUST what we needed.
Tami and Deacon
This whole scene, Deacon is either staring angrily at Tami or trying to get away from her. Doesn't he CARE that she looks so fabulous in casual clothes? Basically, a shamed Deacon is selling his house and going to his cabin. Tami wants to make sure he's not off the wagon, and it escalates into a huge argument about how she didn't wait for him or have faith in him, and she points out that she couldn't have known the FIFTH time would be the charm. They're both hurt that the life they wanted never happened, basically, and taking it out on each other the way they probably should have back then. Or any time in the years since. It's a great scene, because you feel like they're both right AND both pig-headed and wrong, and Connie B and Charles Rosen infuse it with the feeling of having come along a very long, potholed road together. They wear each other like boots that have been re-soled six times. I really missed them together.
Scarlett
Scarlett and her perfectly placed snood of rage watch one of Lucky's performances. Then she bumps into his hot bandmate, who tells her he thinks they should play together -- her, and Gunnar, too. She is intrigued, and Vegas begins taking bets on when these two will have the sex that angers both Lucky AND Gunnar.
Gunnar
So, Gunnar's brother has skipped off on his halfway house, and is officially on the lam. The cops know he pawned Gunnar's guitar. Gunnar pleads ignorance... and then one of the dudes at the Bluebird hands him his guitar. Turns out the brother dropped it off a few hours ago. Gunnar does not know how to feel, so he chooses Quiet Anguish.
Hayden
For her big party, Hayden wears a blouse. Now, I don't have anything against blouses, but if this girl won't wear pants on-stage to protect her crotch from iPhones, then I REALLY don't think she'd wear them to a big bash celebrating a hit single.
Heh
She does, however, notice that Tami is in front of her on the poster. It fuels her rage at feeling shoved aside and minimized, both by Liam and by everyone gushing over what a legend Tami is. Someone asks how it felt to write with a star like that, and Hayden awesomely spits something like, "It was thrilling when she contributed a line to the bridge." I love sassy Hayden.
Lucky
Deacon blows off the party, so as Hayden stalks her mother through it -- watching her chat up Tami and steal as many free sliders as she can -- and looks generally sullen, Lucky Spencer sidles up to her and tries to make nice. (He is crabby that Manager Marilyn isn't introducing him to important celebrities, and she snorted that she wishes him well with THAT one.) Hayden guzzles a drink and looks pained, then blows him off, quite awesomely.
Teddy
I love Eric Close. He is actually REALLY good in this part; it's just that they don't give Teddy anything to DO other than look wounded. He should be ripping off Tami's clothes and showing her that he has a spine and some fight in him. Instead he's staring at her across the room as she argues with Liam. Turns out he is pushing her toward Ming-Na because, in the deal, he'd get his own imprint there. Tami feels betrayed and fires him and storms out, all while Teddy assumes it's a lover's quarrel. He seems to have been almost correct; even Liam makes a cutting remark to Tami about her marriage that implies he knows she was enjoying their chemistry. I am sad that this might be the last of Liam, as he had heat with both her AND Hayden. Maybe Hayden will continue in the tradition of grabbing Tami's sloppy seconds.
Tami and Teddy
So, yeah. This is what Tami wore. I really hate that bit at the bottom. I wish Teddy would rip it off with his teeth. But no, they have to have a sad-eyed quarrel about whether she's having an affair (she isn't) and whether she thinks of him as a mistake (no comment) and whether they'll sleep in separate bedrooms forever (most likely, at this rate). Seriously, dude, JUST MACK ON HER. Lay it on her. Give her a memory for when she goes back on the road. Girlfriend hasn't had sex in ages, which Teddy pointed out to her. GET WITH THE SEXY.
Deacon
Whenever I type "Deacon," all I can think of is that scene in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure where Ted's brother Deacon ditches Napoleon at the bowling alley, and Napoleon runs outside shouting, "DEAC-ON," all Frenchy-like. That is what I am doing here -- shaking my fist in the sky and yelling his name that way. He's torn up his apartment and smashed a guitar in a fiery rage over how much everything sucks. He almost called his sponsor, but didn't. IS HE OFF THE WAGON? No, but close.
Hayden
So Hayden shows up like the Angel of Hair Extensions and tells him to pull his shit together. It's actually a sweet plea. And Deacon calls her on the fact that she's being so giving to him, but not to her own mother. Deacon makes everything better. They do a good job making him wise about others in a likable way, but mixed up about himself in a sympathetic way.
Hayden
So, in ANOTHER good scene, Hayden goes home. Her mother stammers through telling her how proud she is, and how everything good in Hayden, she did herself, and that's proof of how tough and amazing she is. Hayden gives in to how good it feels to hear that from her mother, and says she's proud of what her mother is doing, and aww. I said before that I didn't think the Mama Hayden actress was strong enough to break our hearts, and I'm still not sure, BUT she did a nice job, and the point is, she believably touched Hayden's heart and so when/if she stomps on that again it'll be super affecting. Hayden killed it in this episode, basically.
Lucky
Douchenozzle hears his song on the radio. Yee-haw.
The Band
But then he drives by and sees Scarlett and Gunnar having an awesome jam session with all his old pals, and drives off in an angry cloud of exhaust. Or an exhausting cloud of anger. Both.
Teddy
At the airport, Tami tells Teddy that he's not a mistake. He was/is her choice, and she stands by it, and he's a good man. It's the most lukewarm endorsement since I saw "We Will Rock You" and one of the marquees outside said, "The glow sticks are tremendous." Also, whatever is going on with her shirt is terrible -- what, it's got a see-through lace back? No, Tami. You can do better. It is not laundry day.
Hayden
Then Hayden storms on her plane and says, "Why do we have to do everything at the crack of butt?" That sentence is a total nonsense play on "the butt crack of dawn," and as ridiculous as that is, it's also COMPLETELY something Hayden would say. Bull true, kid.
Teddy
And insecure Teddy looks at the plane angrily. Why? ...
Tami
And Tami looks like she saw a ghost. Why? ...
Deacon
... Because Deacon is coming on tour. As HAYDEN'S guitarist. They both seem tickled to be stirring up the drama as everyone around them turns white as a sheet. Awwww, yeah, Nashville. This had better be good y'all.