The Morning After The Night Before
So, as can be expected when you have torrid grief sex on a couch with someone whose brother just got murdered and he ID'd the body, Scarlett is finding this an awkward day. Gunnar isn't in the mood to talk, nor have his shoulders clutched.
Tami and spawn
It seems Tami and Teddy have come up with this needlessly complicated plan wherein every ten days or so, they each pack up all their belongings and move in and out of the house. Clearly this is not actually creating anything except literal geographic stability for the girls, because Maddie is angry, and she mouths off to Tami about how she's a bitch and she understands now why Teddy left (never mind that Maddie is the one who uncovered that Teddy was having a jerkwad affair). So an appalled Tami grounds her, which is totally not going to stick. I can smell that rat from here.
Coleman and Teddy
As planned last time, Teddy introduces his new deputy mayor, his former opponent Coleman. I was really hoping this would play like a TV courtroom scene, where he said Coleman's name and the entire room erupted in a verbal mushroom cloud of "WHAAAAAT PEAS AND CARROTS PEAS AND CARROTS" until someone banged a gavel and then someone else fainted. Instead, everyone's like, "Hey, cool." Because they are boring and they don't understand the dramatic power of peas and carrots.
Hey, it's the home of the Nashville Jareds
You can imagine how excited Powers Boothe was by this, especially when Teddy and Coleman show him a mock-up of a new stadium -- Powers' pet project -- in a different, non-Powers location, and with a massive Subway sponsorship. Props to the show for working in product placement this way, but I did kind of laugh out loud when I saw this. So did Powers, although in a horrified way. Powers is really mad, y'all. Coleman and Teddy don't care, which is probably going to be their undoing. Never cross Powers Boothe, folks.
Hayden
Hayden gets all smarted up for her meeting with Marshall, the label head. She has decided to be her own manager, and he has decided to promote her album with a bunch of "surprise" small shows for fan-club members -- basically, I guess, the same way they've promoted the other ones. Wait, is there a new album already? Hasn't Tami been recording one this whole time, and now Hayden threw one together in like two weeks from the back of a tour bus? Anyway, she thinks nobody is taking this seriously, and decides she's being talked down to, so she tweets the time and location of the show so that it becomes An Event. This is going to end brilliantly, obviously.
Gunnar
Gunnar and his bedhead chase down the cops to ask who killed his brother. The cop basically tells Gunnar that nobody cares because his brother is a low-priority parole-jumper who was beaten to death in a rough neighborhood outside a club full of people who like to beat people's low-priority parole-jumping brothers to death. This news freezes Gunnar's recently warmed soul-cockles.
Tami Taylor
Tami and her unusually depressed hair tell Teddy that Maddie is grounded, and Teddy is super cold and jerky to her when she gives the changeover instructions. So to twist a knife, she asks him to keep Peggy out of the house. Teddy HANGS UP ON HER and so Tami takes off her wedding rings and throws them into her purse. Weren't they having big money troubles? She should throw them into a pawn shop, or onto an eBay store.
Hayden
Hayden's mother is still getting Sober Coached by Dante, and today's session is called "Remember That Time I Was Clean For An Hour And Went To Your Show And You Ignored Me? It Really Hurt, And Stuff." Hayden denies that this ever happened. This show is falling into the same trap as Carrie Diaries, where emotional growth from previous episodes is forgotten in the name of being able to follow this path: cranky, SUPER cranky, tearful realization, softening. So Hayden is back to being a crabapple and not interested in helping with her mother's rehab, because I guess... she needs to decide things four times before they stick. The other thing that's weird about this scene is that Hayden is kind of bad in it. She's REALLY over the top, the writing is awkward and long-winded, the snappy bitchy lines aren't actually snappy at all, and she seems to compensate with BIG CHOICES that include lots of CAPSY HAND GESTURES.
Susan Misner
Man, Susan Misner is working a lot lately -- she's also currently on The Americans as Noah Emmerich's wife (and was infamously, briefly, Dan's and Little J's mother on Gossip Girl, and "Pop" from the Cell Block Tango in the movie of Chicago, among others). Anyway, here, she is the lady vet conveniently tasked with teaching Deacon that Puppies Are Tough Sometimes and that You Really Should Name Them and also Sometimes They Don't Listen To You and finally That Long Dormant Feeling In Your Trousers Is Called Lust.
Deacon and Stacey
Deacon's offer of a tour of the city ends up as a tour of his anatomy. Not a bad trade.
Scarlett
All of Gunnar's moping and detecting leads to him blowing off the showcase with Tami and Marshall, which is their de facto audition for the new record label. To get Marshall to stick around, Tami makes Scarlett sing something on her own, and she gets stars in her eyes -- the song is all about independence and whatnot -- and runs up to her and chops off all that ropy hair with the life bleached out of it and then makes violin bows out of it while screaming, "VICTORY IS OURS."
Well, no. BUT, anyone who's ever seen TV before knows that this means Gunnar is in deep trouble here.
Gunnar
Gunnar staggers home, having lowered himself to where he is drinking bevvies out of brown paper bags. I kind of wish they'd made him too dumb to realize people just put bottles in the bags, and had him actually try to use said brown paper bag as a receptacle. Scarlett lays into him, and Gunnar self-pityingly says his BROTHER can't play music anymore so WHY SHOULD HEEEEE, and when Scarlett tries to sex-comfort him he spits that he doesn't need her pity, or somesuch, and runs away angry. I think he's just embarrassed to admit that he lost his soul in her hair last night, and is afraid to go looking because six birds and two really possessive raccoons also live in there.
Lucky Spencer
THIS GUY. Okay, Lucky is still mad about how Wyclef is ruining his music. And Wyclef still thinks that's bogus. And Marilyn the Manager still isn't doing anything about any of it, because she's really passive and boring now. So Lucky's tantrum falls on deaf ears -- doubly so because the music actually IS awful, and so maybe Wyclef's character is secretly losing his hearing.
Lucky
So Lucky sneaks into Wyclef's studio, steals all the master recordings of his stuff, and burns them dramatically. Then he TELLS them he did that and hands Wyclef a check for $75,000 (what's left of the publishing rights, or something) and the keys to the gift car, as if this is going to appease anyone. In fact, Wyclef is enraged. Marilyn is ineffectual about it all. Lucky dumps them both and skulks back home to Nashville, and then goes to open-mic night at the Bluebird to sing an emo ballad. So thankfully, this slow-burning story is FINALLY OVER and maybe we can move onto him doing something else.
Maddie
Maddie puts on her best disguise -- a hipster hat -- and sneaks off to Hayden's secret show. She tells Teddy that she's at a friend's house for homework, and although he asks if the parents will be there, he doesn't actually try to speak to one. ROOKIE MISTAKE, MAYOR.
Maddie
Naturally, Hayden's concert is a shitshow, because of her Tweet -- 50 fans turned into hundreds of pushy, jostling jerks, who immediately surge for the stage and fight and create a melee. Deacon sees Maddie from the stands and so when a giant rack of Something That Really Easily Could Have Been Moved Elsewhere falls down on top of her, he rescues her and takes her to the hospital. My hero.
Hayden
Hayden is aghast that anyone thinks the big ol' mess at her show was her fault, even though it's almost totally her fault. Several kids were hurt, and Hayden still ignores the fact that if she hadn't announced where the show was on Twitter, it would have been a calmer scene. Even Tami -- who finds out that Maddie was hurt in the fracas -- calls Hayden to scream at her, and when Hayden makes excuses, Tami spits that she's an immature brat who refuses to take responsibility for anything (my paraphrase). This appears to get through, because Tami is someone Hayden secretly respects and therefore her opinion actually matters, even though Hayden would never admit that.
Tami and Maddie
Maddie is fine; they checked her head and all is well. There is a moment where Deacon says to Tami that he was happy to help because Maddie is "practically family," and the look on Tami's face seems to hint heavily that we're getting a paternity reveal before season's end. Teddy is rude to her about her coming back to the house, but Tami shows up and finagles a truce, and gets to go hug Maddie and give her a guitar to help work through her pain. This will help tremendously with her inevitable daddy issues. I feel like Old Country Geetars know a lot of songs about mamas who done people wrong and daddies who done ain't who they said.
Tami and Katie
Tami goes on Katie Couric's show to talk divorce. It's a totally pointless cameo, except everyone gets to be all LEGS YAY and Tami gets to be a classy everygirl about how divorce is a bummer for everyone, but harder for her because it's so public. I both understand this argument, and think Famous Lady Musician should be careful about telling a random viewer from Topeka with average income and no mansion that your divorce is harder than hers. Although THAT in turn proves the accuracy of her basic thesis, "Divorce Is Sucky," so... dammit, Tami, somehow you always win.
Coleman and Deacon
I keep forgetting these two are sponsor/sponsee (?), and I like it when the show reminds me. Coleman accuses Deacon of being addicted to Tami, and Deacon accuses the new deputy mayor of being equally addicted to that family, now that he's working for one of them and pissing off another one. Coleman is like, "Eh, you have a point. NAME YOUR DOG AND HAVE MORE SEX WITH THE VET." I kind of like these two as porch-sitting bromantical buddies. It works, too, at least for Deacon: He asks Stacey out, adorably, and she can't resist accepting even though they give her an obnoxiously overt, sneering hatred of country music that's so over the top, she has never heard of Johnny Cash's "A Boy Named Sue," which... come on. At her age, she'd know that song existed. And it's relevant because that's what Deacon -- intentionally comedically -- named his male puppy, which I actually think is really funny and totally in character. I love you, Deacon.
Hayden
Hayden overhears Dante talking about being a bajillionaire and blowing it all on booze and stupidity; she also hears her mother talking about how she's failed at everything she's ever done, blah blah blah, it's all the same moment of tearful "Maybe she's not a monster after all" realization that Hayden has every other week. Much better acted than the other moments of the hour, but still repetitive.
Hayden
Hayden has gone to an AWFUL lot of hair trouble just to apologize to her mother and Dante. I don't believe for a second that this hairdo would exist on a person who allegedly did it herself. Much less this person at ALL, period. Anyway, Hayden tells her mother that she lied -- she DID see her mother that one day, and scorn her on purpose. She wants to do the counseling together, and invites the two of them on the road with her (where, presumably, she will spend the first half of another episode acting resentful that they're there making demands on her time, before another Tearful Realization). Dante accepts this offer on the spot. Really? Is her mother his ONLY job? Does he not have any other ducks to get in a row? Shouldn't he have asked about salary and benefits? That is suspicious. I am concerned this will lead to both of them wanting to sleep with him, then Mama Hayden catching them together, and going off on a bender of hurt.
Gunnar
And next we get VIGILANTE GUNNAR. Seriously, for all the stories they've dragged, they are rushing this one. It would've been more affecting if we'd spent a LITTLE more time with him falling down this rabbit hole. Instead, he's going all full hoodie vengeance. Scarlett smartly goes to Deacon, and they intercept Gunnar before he does anything more moronic. Deacon says that he knows this pain -- he forced his BFF to drive drunk, said BFF died, and the ensuing black hole of guilt and rot led to him becoming an addict and losing Tami forever. He tells Gunnar to hold onto Scarlett instead of the bitterness. Gunnar is like, "Well, her weave IS rope-like," and allows himself to be pulled into Scarlett Harbor.
Scarlett
And then after an awkward spat at home -- she's prickly about him calling their sex a mistake; he's prickly because of Hoodie Vengeance Thwarted -- the two retire to separate bedrooms, before mutually deciding to go tell the other one that it was NOT a mistake and that it should keep happening. And Scarlett is wearing some kind of bra-skirt nightie set that looks like what Vanessa Hudgens would wear as a real outfit. There is no way this girl sleeps in anything but her father's old oversized Little League Coach t-shirts and massive thick sweatsocks. So if she decided to dress up like a Sears Roebuck lingerie model from another lifetime JUST to seduce Gunnar, well, I guess she must know that his Naughty Pile in his sock drawer is just Sears Roebuck catalogs and a few issues of Gel Monthly.
HA
Also, we need to discuss that the blocking called for Gunnar to sweep Scarlett off her feet and into his bedroom... and pause to SLAM THE DOOR, despite the fact that THEY ARE THE ONLY TWO HOME. I guess he's just trying to be considerate of whatever prowlers might crack in and want an afghan and a guitar from the front room.
Scarlett
And you knew THIS was coming: Right after big sex with Gunnar, Scarlett gets a call from Tami's manager. Seems Tami loved her performance and wants to sign her... as a solo artist. GULP. I really hope they're not going down this road AGAIN, since we JUST got past Lucky Spencer ditching his band mates to go solo. Slightly different path, but same idea. I guess we'll have to wait and see. Can he please go all Delilah to her Samson and cut off her hair in the hope of sapping her solo-act talent? If it's Clare Bowen's hair I will feel bad, but... seriously, there is genetics, and then there is what you do with your genetics, and I SINCERELY do not think her hair has to look like that. A trim and a better color would do her a world of wonders.