Harshville
Rayna wants Liam to produce Scarlett's album. So she introduces them and then leaves immediately, because she has a lot of other artists to deal with on her ... OH WAIT. Anyway, Scarlett and her petticoat and her mien of timidity do not appeal to Liam, so he's kind of harsh with her -- he hates her folksy new music, and thinks it's insincere, in a way Fug Nation has been complaining about for a while. But her poetry, he thinks is great, so he steals her journal and locks her out of his mixing room so that he can probe her inner recesses. And then someday he's going to probe them for real, with his crotch instrument. Because they are so going to sleep together.
Duetville
Deacon's label decides that he won't get traction with his new album unless he does a bunch of duets with various famous people he knows. Deacon doesn't want to call in those favors, nor go begging. I respect that, but it's also kind of a good idea. People love a duet. Remember that time Reba McIntyre duetted with That Other Lady in the song about how they were in love with the same man, and Reba blew them both up on a motorboat? Good times. Our Deacon is proud, though, so he's resisting. Also, the show doesn't have the budget for him to have a lot of famous friends right now, so the only person he asks is Juliette, and she lovingly says no because she doesn't want people to set Deacon's records on fire the way they do hers. He doesn't get how thoughtful that actually is.
Coupleville
Gunnar is freaked out by Will and Layla being so cutesy, as if he has never seen them before in the same room. Or maybe he's upset because Layla's bangs are not super attractive, and he thought he was done with poorly coiffed girls once they fixed Scarlett's matted wreath of braids. Layla wants Gunnar to teach her to be a songwriter, so he agrees to sit with her, for Will's sake, even though he thinks Will needs to stop bearding her because that kind of stuff is what made him want to kill himself. Well, technically, it was the OTHER stuff -- the man-sex stuff -- that put him on the train tracks But I see Gunnar's point.
Pantsville
This is maybe the worst pair of pants they've let Rayna wear. They're like polterwang skinny-slacks. However, her coat is great, and she's still all cutesy with Luke Wheeler, whom her youngest daughter totally adores. Apparently that introduction went well, although we didn't spend any time on it, which is how I'm guessing the show doesn't care if we invest in this relationship. When they don't spend any time on the emotionally awkward moments, you know there's no future in it.
Raynaville
Luke has decided to help Rayna promote her album and her label by plastering her all over his stock car. She should rename her company Highway 53, I guess. Or put out an album called "53" with 53 songs on it. This all feels very "I gave you my heart and you gave me NASCAR." But I guess NASCAR is better than a pen. Then again, you can't do a crossword with a NASCAR. And Rayna seems very excited. But not so excited that they have sex all over her face, thank God, and also there were people everywhere.
Walmartville
Including this man, whom you might recognize as Chancellor Arnold from "90210." Fun fact: In real life Nicholas Pryor married the woman who played Steve's mother, although they were already married when he joined the show so it's not like 90210 brought them together, which would have been a better story. ANYWAY. Chancellor Arnold plays Mr. Walmart, essentially, owning a massive chain of stores. And Rayna wants shelf space, so she sets about trying to charm him in order to try and get a favor. Oh, Rayna. You are transparent as a window. Maybe not one of MY windows right now, but... you know. A window that has recently been washed.
Apologyville
Juliette is dead inside, because she's rehearsing a scripted apology for everything she's ever done in her life, which she's to read that night at her Opry induction ceremony. Her angelic blouse is infected with the oozy dark lace of evil, reflected in Oliver Hudson sitting down next to Glenn and gloating that "finally, the filly has been broken," or something. He might as well glue on a mustache so he can twirl it.
Teddyville
Nobody cares about Peggy being dead, except for Teddy. So here he is, caring that Peggy is dead. See all that caring? He cares. WHO SHOT PEGGY. Whatever. I love a good murder mystery but the show doesn't seem that interested in writing a good murder mystery.
Cowardville
Tandy, it turns out, is not at a spa, but hiding in Biloxi so that she can avoid testifying because she doesn't want to die. SHE therefore also must care that Peggy is dead, although not because she cared a whit about Peggy herself. The bad news is, the FBI totally catches her and hauls her back to Nashville. Maybe she should have hid somewhere else. Like Hawaii. Or Europe.
Debutville
Luke and Rayna are official, and their first tour of the red carpet is fine -- I had expected them to make this an issue by having paparazzi outside Rayna's house or following her to the store or something, but no, of course not -- and then suddenly someone asks her about Powers Boothe's trial and so she hustles herself inside. Nobody asks what is up with her sleeves. Why doesn't anyone have the kinds of questions that I have?
Subtleville
You know Juliette is up to something before her show because she's wearing eyeliner. Just kidding, it's not the eyeliner. It's the hair. Or is it the lip gloss? What other possible symbol of scheming intentions could there BE in this shot? I SIMPLY DON'T KNOW.
Maddieville
One thing I do love is Juliette's relationship with Maddie. The kid is only 13 or 14, and Juliette treats her like an actual little sister, and Maddie is totally supportive of J's issues and J does her makeup and it's very sweet.
Suckitville
Brad Paisley -- in a guest spot I can only imagine is, 'Sorry we stopped paying your wife to be on the show; here is her souvenir tub of pork blood' -- gives Juliette a pep talk before her show about how this will always be a safe place for her to belong, now that she's a member. And MAYBE that's what caused her to do what she does, but I really don't think it's possible that she didn't plan it in advance, because we already know she asked Avery to write a song with her at the end of last week. So I'm going with the theory that this was preplanned, and Juliette agreed to the apology just so she could get out on-stage and then gaslight Oliver Hudson.
And so: Juliette dresses up exactly like Rayna -- except for the hair; she should have curled it, no? -- and takes her Opry statuette and tells the audience that her record label asked her to apologize for everything about herself, and that she thinks that's a bogus thing to do and that she can't be inauthentic inside the church of country music. And proceeds to sing a song in her mylar trousers all about how they shouldn't throw dirt on her grave just yet. And this room full of people basically just blinks and barely applauds and acts like she's a leper, even though the song is pretty good and REALLY are you telling me NONE of these Opry people know what it's like to be in the weeds? Don't they remember that Johnny Cash was a big ol' substance abuser who landed in jail seven times and once burned down 500 acres of a national forest in California and didn't even care? Stop judging, bitches. Although to her credit, Rayna peeks her head in Juliette's dressing room door and applauds her for being super brave. Maddie is also proud.
Rageville
Oliver Hudson is NOT amused, but Glenn thinks this is THE BEST. I love Glenn sometimes. Oliver Hudson basically has a forked tail and a pitchfork in this shot, and later goes in and dumps Juliette from the label and all but hisses into her face. Maybe he should be next on Powers Boothe's Murder List. Not that I support murder. But it's TV, so I can root for Powers Boothe to wreak vengeance on the boring and the one-note, right? Maybe Powers Boothe can pop over to Downton and kill Lord Gillingham's valet on Bates' behalf, so that Anna can sleep at night.
Buddyville
These two are no longer sitting in opposition, but on the same side of the piano. That's because Liam got Scarlett to open up about her bipolar mother and she's turning a poem about it into a song. They're doing all this without consulting Rayna, so... I mean, Rayna hasn't cared that much about anything else, so maybe she'll be fine with this change in tone from the upbeat honky-tonk she had Scarlett performing. And I am still concerned these two are going to have the sex.
WTFville
This is Gunnar's face for pretty much the entire time he's working with Layla: She has no ideas for a song and when he suggests she needs to probe deeper and really think, she freaks out and is like, "YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A JERK ABOUT IT," and storms out. Gunnar was, in fact, being nice to her, albeit a tad dismissive of her struggles to plumb depths from her shallows. Will isn't amused, so Gunnar reminds him that maybe he should stop plumbing her depths and start plumbing his own. Gunnar is both right and kind of oblivious to the grey areas Will is dealing with here, that being his fear -- which would seem to be borne out by the world's religious-based treatment of Juliette -- that people won't accept him if he's gay. Read the news, Gunnar. Actually, the show would've been well-served to have Will reading about that and applying it to his situation in a conversation with Gunnar, but... the show rarely serves itself as well as it should.
Hairville
It's nice to see a character waking from a deep slumber who actually LOOKS like she was in a deep slumber. So in that sense, this is my favorite hair in the world. Scarlett is so spacey and tired that she takes a pill Liam gives her so that they can lay down her new song in the 45 minutes they have left in the studio. It's called "The Greatest Hits of David Silver," and it involves her playing a Casio while spinning around and making middle-aged balding people nod appreciatively to mask their total confusion (hi, Jim Walsh). It is going to be wonderful.
Bummerville
Layla tells Will that Gunnar is right: She is lame. She tells him that she's done everything her parents ever wanted her to do and wonders what SHE would have done if she'd made her own choices. He talks to her about figuring herself out and nobody ever ONCE tells her, "Hey, actually, a song about your parents and figuring yourself out is actually something your teen fans could relate to," which means nobody here is in the business of giving good counsel. She should call Taylor Swift. OR, she should pull a Taylor Swift and dump Will and then write about it, OR maybe just discover that he's gay and then write a hit song about that time she found out her boyfriend was gay. That last one is mean and I don't approve, but you know. Options.
BOOville
Oliver Hudson's reign of evil terror continues as he tries to reprimand Luke Wheeler for a) promoting a rival label's artist on his race car, and b) letting said artist perform at his post-race concert. Oliver also calls Brent and tells him to arrange for a major Edgehill release on the same date Rayna's album comes out, so they can crush it in stores. Luke, at least, tells Oliver not to try and control what he does or with whom he sleeps, because it'd sure be bad business if Oliver lost Edgehill's THREE biggest artists in his first six months, and two of them on the same day. Luke is right. I kind of like Luke now. I can't figure out why they wrote him as a douche in the midseason finale and I'm wondering if maybe they somehow hadn't realized when they wrote the episode that they'd have this actor for more episodes? I don't know.
Upstandingville
Chancellor Arnold agrees to give Rayna shelf space, at the expense of that trollop Juliette Barnes. Maddie is all teenager-huffy about this, and Rayna later turns him down, deciding that she can't support a witch hunt against Juliette even if she IS annoying. What she SHOULD do is SIGN JULIETTE. MY GOD. WHY ARE YOU NOT SIGNING PERFECTLY GOOD ARTISTS. OR EVEN PERFECTLY ADEQUATE ONES. SIGN LINDSAY LOHAN FOR ALL I CARE. JUST SIGN PEOPLE.
Avery
Avery asks Deacon why he didn't go for a solo shot back in the day, and Deacon says it's because he never really wanted to be famous. Avery asks him what's changed about that, and Deacon can't answer. Later, we learn that he's decided his new album will be "Live at the Bluebird," which is actually a nice idea. I still think he should get a couple guest singers on there, but maybe he could put up-and-comers on there instead (Avery, Gunnar) and frame it as him playing with the people who are now what he was in Yesteryear. But why am I suggesting things? They've already written and shot what's coming, so Deacon officially doesn't need my advice. I just really care about Deacon. I want him to be happy, dammit.
Pastaville
In a nice throwback, Juliette makes her established comfort food: mac and cheese with ketchup. Somewhere in the Ritz in London in the '20s, Alfred is suggesting this exact gourmet meal, I'm just sure of it. (There is room for Downton Abbey in every recap.) Glenn says no other label will touch Juliette right now. She seems resigned to it and says she's sort of relieved, and tells him to take a long, earned vacation on her. I do think a problem with this show is that it never lets Juliette succeed. But in a way, this does feel like winning, because she didn't succumb to the asshat, and hopefully now this means they'll put her on a trajectory where she can win a few instead of always get kicked.
Smoochville
And on that note, she wins this one: She brings Avery her disgusting pasta creation and then tells him that she realized he's the only aspect of her life that she can't do without, and off they go to the bedroom. FINALLY. Sorry, David "Scarlett" Silver, but Donna Martin just graduated into someone else's pants.
Toodlesville
Tandy finds a loophole: The files she gave the government about Powers Boothe are files she actually stole, because she'd been fired a week prior, so it's inadmissible evidence. She goes free... but, so does Powers Boothe. And THAT feels like time to cue the Johnny Cash song, "When The Man Comes Around." Kind of like they just did on "The Blacklist." Powers Boothe is out, and he's gonna want to chew on some spleens, y'all. REVENGE! Or BATES! Or something.