Julietteville
We begin at the premiere of Juliette's Patsy Cline movie, which they've named Shenandoah Girl, which sounds too boring. Her interview is all smiles and sunshine and Oscar hopes, and she merrily claims that Avery and Cadence are at home just as happy as can be, but it's all bull. In fact, she's still avoiding her life in favor of climbing back up the career hill. She pretends she doesn't care a whit about the family knows she's abandoned, so it's symbolically apt that she's clearly had a robot forearm installed.
Weepsville
In private, though, Juliette is a hot mess. She parties every night and drinks herself to dysfunction; here, after hurling violently into the toilet, she calls Rayna -- RIGHT as Ray has signed the settlement papers to boot Juliette over to Wheelin' Dealin' records -- and sobs into the phone that she just can't. Then she collects herself and hangs up before answering any of a worried Rayna's questions.
Gunnarville
This episode is really a confusing journey for Gunnar's hair, which I think has reached its apex of not understanding itself. Gunnar and Scarlett haven't seen each other since that night on the hospital roof, when Bev was in surgery and they made out. This is complicating their recording careers. Gunnar has covered for it all so far, but his hair is absolutely on end as he wonders what to do.
Dullsville
This screen grab made me laugh. Dr. Wee is as nervous as if he is, in fact, asking his preschool girlfriend if she will hold his hand after art, and Scarlett is presumably Googling photos of Crystal Gayle and wondering how long it will take her to get ten extra feet of hair woven into her skull. Dr. Wee gives her a lovely vintage necklace to celebrate living together for a month, and then balks at saying "I love you" ("I love... having you here"). She smirks because she knows what he means and repeats his sidestepped sentiment back at him.
Baubleville
The necklace is pretty, though. It looks great hanging under the choker she wove from bygone hair extensions.
Healthyville
The show jumps through hoops to make you think Deacon died, but I will not do that to you: HE LIVED, he's fine, and Bev is in a coma. She had an aneurysm during surgery, apparently, and the show goes to great lengths to explain that it's because she was on menopause medication that she didn't disclose to the doctors. Ladies, Own Your Hormones: The More You Know. Deacon feels responsible, Scarlett absolves him because of Bev's little medical omission, and he and Rayna are waiting to get married until Bev can be at the wedding. Which to me suggests that this will one of their big new obstacles, and that Bev will not come out of this with a renewed sense of purpose and a clean slate with her family.
Laylaville
Layla is tagging along on Juliette's tour, managed by the same new junior exec who's hand-holding Juliette -- because Oliver Hudson is also on Scream Queens (or at least, he was in the pilot, and may recur; I didn't make it past the first hour) and they had to make do without him. Layla is super schmoopy with Oliver on the phone, but we find out he and the dude are blowing smoke up her ass for unknown reasons -- like, lying that she caught the attention of a casting director and needs to go to a luncheon rather than anything with Juliette. Layla is about to get drop-kicked in the heart, methinks.
Teddyville
So, NOWHERE in this hour does Rayna say anything about Teddy. There is a quick allusion at the beginning to all the moving on she's had to do, but that was in service of making us think Deacon might be dead, and not due to any actual threads to do with her ex. It's a super weird omission. He's been in the pokey for a month, sending occasional letters, and here Maddie rips up hers and tosses it, to Daphne's frustration. Listen, I love Deacon. And I love it when he sings. But maybe less of him and Bev, whom I don't care about, and more of Rayna addressing the actual major plot point of Teddy's incarceration. Otherwise it just underscores the ongoing vibe that Rayna's concern for her girls is all just lip service (which I don't think is true of her character; it's just how the show treats it accidentally).
Bromanceville
My favorite on-camera friendship remains. Will has apparently been told to lay low by Luke, and he's interpreting that as, "Become a hermit." It's frustrating his boyfriend and making him antsy, but he really feels he can't leave the house. Gunnar very patiently, but with elements of tough love, talks him through it: "Why'd you come out just so you can stay in?" I really love these two. Friendships are just as important as love triangles, and when you have a good warm and honest rapport, it makes sense to milk that -- and it ALSO mitigates it when the show has to tread water a little. Like now, Gunnar is blabbing about being shut out by Scarlett, and Will still doesn't know how to be gay in country music, but the WAY they rehash this with each other is so pleasant that it doesn't matter that it's a retread.
Hairville
Also, I regret to inform you that Gunnar has been electrocuted.
Hometownville
Avery is bunking with his parents, who want him to move there permanently -- his dad is slagging off Juliette, saying things like how she was always a non-starter, while the mother is more optimistic for him. Avery is just sad. I think it's because being home has reminded him that his old apple-green iMac was the bomb but is too obsolete for him to love it again. (Props to the set dresser for that tiny, yet perfect, detail.)
Exesville
Rayna flies to L.A. to check on Juliette (with Deacon's blessing, and also, NOBODY CARES ABOUT BEV SO OF COURSE SHE WENT), and ends up having an initially pleasant conversation with Luke that devolves into Rayna needling him about how he's not paying attention to his artist. She points out that if Juliette were still on her label, she'd be worried about not having a single night off in a month and never seeing her husband and newborn. Luke looks into the Rorschach blot that is her blouse and sees truth.
Beardville
In a totally noncompelling scene, WILL TRIMS HIS BEARD. This would have been more effective back when he had a lady-beard and we could use this symbolically. Now, it just means he's going to shave his face and brave a night on the town with Doomed Kevin, who is cute but not charismatic enough to be any long-term romantic partner here.
Concertville
Juliette has chosen a truly special gown, that both has lacy see-through arms AND somehow looks way too dowdy for her. She's supposed to be a big young megastar and she's dressing like she's Rayna's age. It's very out of touch.
Shadeville
What you can't entirely see here is Rayna throwing epic stink-eye at Juliette's opportunistic friends. This girl is claiming she's Jules' absolute bestie, but that it's so great that Juliette has Rayna too because "old friends are cool." She also has no idea who Rayna is, which is refreshing, if also totally unrealistic for anyone who is hanging out in Juliette's particular orbit. I think Rayna wants to stab her WITH a hanger.
Tylerville
And then Steven Tyler comes out and snuggles up for a duet of Patsy Cline's "Crazy," on which his audio seems to have been cranked way down. Looking at him here, I feel as if Steven Tyler may be Elderly Man-Scarlett.
Blahville
Bev is squeezing hands and fluttering eyelids WHOOP DE DOO SHE'S GOING TO LIVE. Props to Chip Esten for acting the shit out of it, though.
Mackville
Scarlett and Gunnar get together to rehearse before a recording session, and it turns into a tooth-cleaning. She breaks away eventually and tells him that he makes her feel out of control and like someone she doesn't want to be, and Caleb makes her feel safe. "You're not in love with him," Gunnar says. "I'd like to be," she replies. So: same as it ever was. JUST BONE YOU TWO. I can't deal with yet another mediocre person being cast to come between them so that Person A can be jealous of Person B's new thing with Person C, and treat Person C like garbage until Person C is forced to be like, "You have unfinished business with Person A." I am not down with that algebra again.
WTFville
Especially because Gunnar is so confused that he appears to have put rollers in his hair. I can't believe Scarlett, of all people, might be the person who can save him from his own coif.
Counselville
Rayna reaches out to Juliette, saying she signed the papers already, so this is a visit out of pure friendly concern. She even points out that she knows Juliette hates honest, deep conversations about feelings, but that perhaps she needs to have one with a nonjudgmental friend right now. It's a nice scene, but also another one we've had before several times, where Juliette bristles and shoves away the person who cares about her and then drowns even deeper in the muck.
In that vein, Juliette spews some venom about how Rayna's company is just a lame, failing vanity label that no one takes seriously. Rayna defends not sending Juliette out to work too hard, saying she was just trying to help her find a balance. "You break my heart, girl," she says when Juliette shows her the door. "Like, I have only worn ONE BLOUSE for the past HALF AN HOUR'S WORTH OF TV, and this is the thanks I get?"
Zebraville
We DID get a motherf'ing blouse-off, though. It might be a tie. It is HARD to out-blouse Rayna Jaymes, but they're both sort of mildly good yet also mildly tacky.
Daphneville
Deacon comes home to a warring Maddie and Daphne. I guess Daph fished Maddie's torn note out of the garbage, because she wanted to see if it had any information about Maddie being old enough to visit Teddy. Maddie doesn't care, and vehemently insists to an in-denial Daphne that Teddy is SUPER guilty. Which he is. OF SOLICITATION OF A PROSTITUTE, and using illicit funds to buy off said prostitute. These are grown-up things Daphne would no doubt be Googling to understand them -- Maddie too, even -- and it's weird not to see that discussed. I guess a month has passed, but even though Deacon handles this relatively well, it comes off like he's just moderating another run-of-the-mill sibling argument. Naturally, Daphne seethes that Deacon is NOT HER FATHER and storms off, then sneaks back to watch Deacon and Maddie share a hug. This can mean only one thing: WINTER'S COMING.
Boredville
This is blurry, for which I'm sorry, but the underwhelmed expression on Will's face is still clear as day. At dinner with Kevin he gets approached by a girl who screams to the restaurant that she would've liked to know he was gay BEFORE they had sex. So Kevin takes him to a gay club where Will might feel less gawked at, but Will hates EDM. Basically, he doesn't know how to be gay in HIS Nashville, but he doesn't feel he fits into this one either, and his answer is to distance himself from Kevin and the reality he's created. I love you, Will. You'll work it out. As slow-paced long arc go, I think this one has been well-handled, and never given any pat resolutions.
Viciousville
Layla pops by to make small-talk with a drinking Juliette, and it turns ugly. Of course. "As a woman, it pains me to see you have so little self-respect," Juliette says, which she IS directing at Layla but could also say to herself. Layla insists that Oliver Hudson loves her, but Juliette snickers that she's only lowering herself even further by saying that, and that she shouldn't kid herself: Oliver will put Juliette first when push comes to shove, no question about it. Layla runs off and leaves Oliver a rambling message asking for confirmation that she's still his number one; the fact that she's even asking suggests she already knows the answer. RUN LAYLA RUN. Dye your hair pink and run through Germany.
Googleville
Somehow, neither Rayna nor anyone at Highway 65 had a Google Alert on her name. So Rayna, on her private jet once more that I'm unclear how she can afford, searches on her own name and turns up a bunch of stories about how dead her label's action is. Also... if Rayna were serious about helping Juliette, she should've stayed until the morning. Because it was the harsh light of day in which Juliette broke down and reached out, and I feel like that was always Rayna's best chance at catching her in a moment of honesty again. NEXT TIME! Which will be in like three episodes.
Familyville
Look at that muffin. Juliette is, although she's not doing anything about it. She's just dead-eyed.
Brosville
These facial expressions happen when Gunnar and Will realize that Avery AND Baby Cadence are moving in with them (Avery has decided he doesn't want Cadence to see him running away from his career goals, OR his personal strife). So I guess Nashville will see my love of Winnar and raise it my love of ... um... what's WIll plus Gunnar plus Avery... Winnvery? Gillvery? Sure. Anyway, it's Three Men and a Baby time in Nashville, and I am ready. Also, I feel like there aren't a ton of very mature DUDE friendships on TV that don't involve lots of talk of boobs. Maybe I just have a short memory. McDreamy and McSteamy probably qualified? But it's nice to have three guys in very different phases of their lives being super cool and sensible and supportive of each other and THERE I GO with the old-lady talk again. Sensible = sexy, though.
Failville
And then Rayna drives to work while listening to a radio show that gives an EXHAUSTIVE list of her failures as a businessperson. It's sort of funny: "First Scarlett O'Connor has a breakdown on stage, then Sadie Stone killed her husband, and now Juliette Barnes..." This show misses Sadie, I think. Her I'M BACK AFTER I SHOT MY ABUSIVE HUSBAND album would have been great. But it's awesome to hear people voicing the chief complaint about this whole story, which is that Rayna is really, really, really bad at this, and has no one signed to this sucker (although didn't Scarlett and Gunnar join up at the end of last season?), and is essentially using it for her own platform and nothing else. Which is her prerogative, but the shot of the massive empty offices suggests Rayna knows she's a dud. WHAT WILL HAPPEN. If she screws Gunnar out of a career somehow... there will be HELL TO PAY, in the form of some really terrible swoops on his head.