Hairville
First up: The tour bus is back in Nashville, and Erin heads off to her city of residence with a casual farewell to Gunnar. His hair seems remarkably at peace with this. It's not wilting even a LITTLE. Unless Gunnar's hair height is INVERSELY proportionate to his emotional peaks?
Militaryville
Scarlett and Gunnar agree that his has been a super fun experience, and part on happy terms, although maybe I'm just projecting because I like her military-inspired coat more than her usual array of body mittens. Deacon picks her up at the bus stop so that they can go visit the worst place in the world (The Beverly) and pretend it's great. Do you want to see it? You do. Let's go there.
Hideousville
Okay. I get that Deacon wants to convey the idea that music is like religion for some people, and so this will be its church, but did he HAVE to go with LITERAL PEWS? I can't think of anything I would enjoy LESS than going to a bar for a live show and having to sit in a PEW to listen to it, with nowhere to put my drink, or my food. You are a BAR. It is BAD FOR BUSINESS to deny people enough surfaces on which to place your expensive comestibles.
Also, that stage is some serious high-school dance shit right there. It has to have cost five dollars because the PTA slashed the budget. Also, the B appears to be pregnant with a little swirl. What's that supposed to be, Deacon? Is it gestating MUSICAL GENIUS? Emotional abuse? Neglect? YOUR BAR IS TERRIBLE.
Skepticalville
Daphne plays a totally cute song on her uke, and when you see Maddie's reaction, you can understand why Daphne was a bit worried. The crux of this story is the maturity gap, and how Maddie is Experiencing Grown-Up Feelings (aka she had sex) and Daphne is still only 12, and what's cute coming from the mouth of a pre-teen can seem twee from the mouth of a bratty high schooler. I actually think, as much as I want Maddie to cram it and hug Daphne and then go make adorable twee music together, that this is a realistic story. They ARE at an interesting age crossroads. Then again, historically, they've covered -- on the show -- everything from The Lumineers to whatever Markus Keen's band is singing about, so it's not as if Daphne has not been performing mature themes.
Babyville
NOODLE. Gunnar comes back and blows right past Will to get to Cadence, and stars cooing that he's never going to be away that long again. Which is super cute and yet also I don't know if I have ever seen him show THAT much interest in this baby. Maybe it's a competitive uncle thing.
Custodyville
Emily finally confesses to Avery that Juliette is in rehab. She doesn't mention the suicide attempt -- maybe she doesn't know -- but she does say that Jules is clean now and undergoing PPD treatment. And that part of it involves visitations with Cadence. Avery IMMEDIATELY assumes Juliette is manipulating the situation, because he's not rational about her (understandably), and that Cadence is IN DANGER, so he runs to his lawyer to make sure her revocation of parental rights is still in effect. He ALSO fires Emily, who seriously is so much better than all this shit. I kind of DO wish they would get her together with Gunnar, but I think she's too... pleasant.
Broville
My favorite man-friends on TV gather for a pizza party and discuss that Avery is CRAZY for firing Emily. And because they are the best, one of them -- Will? -- teases Gunnar in the process about that time he was hot for Emily. But they all agree that Emily is great and competent and that Avery is lucky to have her, stupid for unloading on her, and IN FOR IT if he doesn't hire her back pronto. This is all true. Emily has the HIGHEST bullshit meter ever. Which means she must be paid handsomely by Juliette, right?
Ringville
Deacon plans to drag Rayna up on stage and get on bended knee in front of The Abomination and ask her to be his bride. The ring is pretty, but seriously, I promise you, Deacon, it is not Rayna's dream to get engaged in the ugliest set known to man.
Doucheville
This guy. Sigh. He's performing an album-drop concert outside in Nashville somewhere, and instead of doing his press, he's hiding on his rooftop like a madman pacing around and wanting to barf. Because he's nervous, see, and he knows there will be naysayers. So Rayna goes and comforts him, and basically drags him through his press, wherein he is uninspired and unconvincing and she champions him and tries not to look panicked. This is perhaps a sign you have dragged someone into a spotlight they don't totally want.
Fedoraville
And then THIS HAT. Rayna apparently has decided that the bridge between Markus Keen's world (and demographic) and hers lies in that lid. She is wrong. You are not Carmen Sandiego.
Hipsterville
I mean, come on, Rayna. What is this, the infamous East Nashville Grass-Fed Antibiotic-Free Musical Hipster Jamboree?!?!?!?!
Guest Starville
This girl appears to be joining the show. Her name is Cash, after Johnny, and she knows Deacon from The Industry. That look on her face is NOT about Rayna's choice of outfit; rather, she's actually surprised Markus Keen doesn't suck. He does, though. His song is really lifeless. This show's musical strengths are The Exes and the Stellas, and actually also Layla. Stay in your lane for a while, dudes.
Champersville
So, this hosebag calls Rayna up to The Sacred Rooftop Of Their Pep Talk, so they can celebrate his successful show -- and the massive run on album downloads that followed. And although he is standing with his back to an empty concrete space, he turns and fires off that cork into the night. And all I can think of is that he's just launched a very tiny and silent MISSILE and it's going to come down and embed itself in someone's skull and KILL THEM because what goes up must come down.
Kissville
And then he launches THIS missile. Rayna is like, "UM, NO," but he insists they have chemistry. Her reaction, again, is basically, "UH WHAT NOOOO," before storming off. Which is a great way to deal with an artist you know is hypersensitive and who also seems to respond well to gentle conversation. Well done, Rayna!
Gripeville
These two have a short-lived happy reunion, when he tells her that he's gotten a great job in Seattle. Her reaction is like, "Uh, but we live in Nashville." Scarlett, Scarlett, Scarlett. Did it hurt when they plucked you from the cabbage patch?
They talk it out, and she points out that being in a band long-distance is not ideal -- very telling that the first relationship in her life that she considers is that one, by the way. Dr. Shortlived then says he could always turn down the position. As if music can't EVER be made by people who are in different cities. They can meet up to tour, perform, etc. Just make Rayna increase their travel budg-- oh, wait. Rayna has no budg.
Fightville
Rayna makes the catastrophic move of offhandedly mentioning Something Being Up with Markus, forcing Deacon to press her. She admits to the kiss, and Deacon morphs STRAIGHT into Dinkon and goes postal and announces he's going to beat the tar out of Markus. This fight briefly goes back and forth -- I think Deacon once again implies maybe Rayna was into it -- and then she gets a text that Markus is leaving town. "You're leaving a fight ABOUT Markus to go TALK TO MARKUS?" Dinkon barks.
And sure enough, when Rayna gets to his hotel, Markus tells her that he and the band are getting back together. She begs him to stay and finish this out. And I don't know why this MATTERS necessarily, because his album is already in the wild, making money. Can't he support one while doing the other -- and isn't it arguably better for business if he's actively courting both demos? Also, aren't the album proceeds already going to Highway 65? What do I know, though?
Counselorville
Avery gets a visit from Juliette's therapist, who tries to give him some Real Talk about how refusing to let Cadence see Juliette does nothing to change the reality that Juliette is her mother. She tells him that she hopes he has an answer for the day Cadence finds out Juliette tried to see her and Avery refused. The thing is, I get Avery's hesitation, but I also feel like he should not be so cavalier about the fact that a medical reason for her behavior has been identified. And the therapist is being AWFULLY JUDGY as well. Everyone just simmer down. I think... mostly it is tough watching Avery be unsympathetic to PPD when we know Hayden went to treatment for it, but at the same time, it's clearly not the PPD he's unsympathetic to, but rather that he's on high alert for being put through her wringer again.
Cabinetville
Luke finds out that his business manage bilked him out of $40 million and fled the country, so he now owes the IRS that much in back taxes. Despite his hopes of paying everything off quietly by selling things, it leaks to Forbes, and The Brand -- the one he's been trying to build with Gabrielle's help -- goes kaputsky because all his sponsors pull out. Because he got hosed by his accountant? Really? THAT is too scandalous for Walmart, or whatever? Famous Rich Celeb Hires Bad Accountant?
Look, all i know is: What SHOULD have torpedoed his brand is that cabinet in the back. Look at that hardware. It's so AGGRESSIVE. It's like bad, metal needlepoint.
Beverlyville
Scarlett looks very nice for her performance at The Blahverley. The song they sing is meh. I don't know why she and Sam Palladio have such great vocal chemistry but she and Deacon kinda don't work for me. I mean, I guess that's the whole mystery of the world. WHY INDEED. I think that about The Beverly every second that we spend with it. WHY GOD WHY.
Pewville
NOBODY IS ENJOYING THIS DEACON. You have created a bar that is NO FUN FOR HUMAN PEOPLE unless possibly they are listening to music, which surely they are not every single minute they are there (and EVEN THEN, it's touch and go). I guess that is perfect, in a way. Nobody enjoyed Real Beverly, either, so in that sense he's made the perfect tribute bar.
Cashville
This Cash person shows up, and she and Maddie start talking about how it's tough to be in a musical partnership with your 12-year old sister. Cash asks what Maddie would RATHER write, and Maddie says, "Stuff like yours!" So Cash invites Maddie to write with her sometime. Knowing this show, that will yield a full album in about three days. But I can't get invested in a new person right now. This show has a habit of bringing on musical characters, having them cut entire albums (Sadie) or embark on a new and meaningful musical trajectory (Christina Aguilera) and then vanishing them and having everyone act like none of that ever happened. Don't you think Sadie Stone's album might have sold a LOT of money, even if she weren't around to promote it? She made headlines! Sigh.
Confabville
Scarlett tells Gunnar about Dr. Sayonara's job in Seattle. Gunnar's response is that while distance isn't ideal, they will find a way to make it work if that's what Scarlett wants to do, and that he wholly supports her. Scarlett is surprised. I think she was hoping he would have a tantrum so that she could take that back to Dr. Nope and be all, "Yeah, see, we can't go, but it's not because of ME."
Nostalgiaville
Avery goes through Cadence's Box of Stuff, and finds pictures from the hospital. There's one of Juliette and Avery singing to Cadence, and then tihs one, in which Avery is clearly the arm in the foreground. So I ask: WHO TOOK THESE. Are we to think Emily was skulking around the hospital room taking "candids" for the baby box? Come on.
Anyhoo, the Stalker photos here helped him conclude that he should rehire Emily and let Cadence visit Juliette, although HEAVILY supervised by Emily, and she is never to be left alone. Which suggests to me that there will be a dramatic scene where she is left alone for two seconds and something happens and Juliette mothers it spectacularly and Avery has to melt a little, but we'll see.
Predictableville
To the surprise of no one, Will's studio session with Wade Cole can't happen because someone forgot -- or "forgot," I suspect -- to schedule it. Conveniently, Wade's wife is out of town, so conveniently, they can work there by the fire, and conveniently, this lets Wade Cole grab Will's inner thigh while cooing that he really admires him for being so brave. Will jumps up and recoils and calls him out on his hypocrisy, and Wade says he's living in a VERY lucrative closet, thank you very much, and if Will were smarter maybe he could've had that, too. Will basically rolls his eyes and is all, "I'd rather be me than you," and mic-drops his way out of there.
Fightville
Rayna and Dinkon get into a fight because she missed his big debut at The Blahverly due to Markus Keen drama. She all but smacks him upside the head, pointing out that her label is now dead because Markus ignored her and went back to LA to reunite with One Dinkrection or whatever ("dink" is totally my insult of choice with this show for some reason). I STILL do not understand why this torpedoes her label, given that his album is ALREADY OUT THERE BEING SOLD AND MAKING MONEY, but I guess it's not ideal that she can't keep an artist. Even though technically he IS still on her label as a solo artist, but... I don't know. Nashville has a HIghway 65 problem. And a guest star problem. Stop investing in people who show up, cut an album one week, sing a song the next and then leave after three episodes. Bring back Layla, have Rayna work with them and the successful Exes, find a character who can come and AT LEAST do one season, and stop this revolving door stuff.
Dumpsville
Scarlett sits down with Dr. Gone and sniffles that Gunnar gave her his blessing to move. And that she realized this meant she can't, because he said to her all the things she could NOT say to Dr. Fruitless -- namely, "We'll make it work, do whatever you need to do." So she cuts him lose. And bless him, his six-year old heart stands up and very nearly stomps his foot in a tantrum before wailing that he should have KNOWN because she's a MUSICIAN and O THE JERKFACE JERKYNESS OF HER. He DOES say one astute thing -- which is that when they met, she needed a doctor to console her, not a boyfriend, and I think he's right that she reached for him with subconscious motives -- but the fact remains that he's a brat. Go away, Dr. Tot. Begone. You are in permanent Time Out.
YABURNTville
Luke goes to see Colt at his father-in-law's place. He tells Colt the brand is dead, and he and Gabrielle broke up because of it, and please come home. It's true that the death of The Brand made him turn on Gabrielle by accusing her of pushing him into it and FORCING him to neglect his son in order to put The Brand above all else. But, grow up, Luke. You chose. He neglects to mention to Colt that the brand only died because of his tax problems, and continues to ignore that a big part of the problem was his dishonesty with Layla and the world about Jeff's death. Colt thinks, and then asks if it's REALLY true that The Brand and Gabrielle are both gone. Luke nods. "Wow. Then I guess you really DID lose everything," Colt says, and SLAMS THE DOOR IN LUKE'S FACE. Now THAT is a mic drop. Well done, kid. I am satisfied.
Friendsville
Scarlett goes back inside The Beverly and announces she and Dr. Adios are no more. Will and Avery show up, too, and they sit around and toast like old friends, and it's really sweet.
Proposalville
And then Deacon finds Rayna and tells her he's sorry about being a jealous jerk. He says it's because he knows how Markus feels because that used to be him -- in the studio, making personal music, super intimate, having feelings... feelings that were often reciprocated, etc. And he gets down on bended knee and Rayna cries and takes the ring and they're engaged. It's very sweet, but Deacon has been so frustrating this season that I am REALLY rooting for a better back half that doesn't involve quite so much jerky rage. Why don't THESE two do an album together? You think the world wouldn't turn up for The Culmination Of Thirty Years of Romantic Longing or whatever? It'd be catnip.