Tourville
While Gunnar and the dudes and Erin are being very jocular on the tour bus, Scarlett is working. She is sequestering herself, curling up under a pile of cotton the likes of which makes up half her DNA, and writing no fewer than seven songs. Gunnar is agape. And not because they'll somehow magically be memorized, fully composed, and added to the set list in two days; no, just out of jealousy that she's prolific and productive and he's off playing Spit.
Keenville
Rayna's hair is especially sleek and shiny in this episode. Perhaps that's what a younger paramour does for a lady. Not that Rayna is actually involved with Markus, but he IS clearly kind of into her, and he is taking up lots of her time -- here, by pulling songs from his album the week before it's supposed to come out. Making this the fastest album conceptualization and release IN HISTORY. Not that much time has passed, y'all! Has it? Surely not.
Palsville
Deacon is skeptical of Markus due to his warm texts to Rayna, but then Markus sucks up to him hardcore by announcing Deacon is a GENIUS and he'd like to lay down some old Deacon demos and maybe pick one for his album. He is keeping his enemy closer, and Deacon and Rayna both fall for it, essentially. Deacon is so easily flattered.
Brokeville
Avery has no money. Emily offers to pay him cash out of Juliette's accounts to keep him afloat, but he won't take it, which... dude, did your divorce not come with a palimony agreement? I guess that's not finalized? I don't know, but it's not bad parenting to take money from your extremely rich ex-wife who abandoned you and your kid. Take the money FOR the kid, dude.
Anyway, Avery is strapped for cash, and all his jingles barely pay. But of course a big $3,000 one comes through... the same time he is due to play a live gig he called in a favor to get. Avery has to pick the cash over artistic fulfillment, and rants nonstop to Emily about how unfair it is that Juliette has put him in this position. DUDE. TAKE HER CHILD SUPPORT. SOME OF THIS IS YOUR OWN FAULT.
Meanwhile, Emily feels bad because midway through this episode, Juliette texts her and then calls her -- we don't hear or see Juliette, obviously -- and so while Avery is complaining that she's MIA, Emily actually knows where she is. And she tries to tell him. By which I mean, she does that TV thing where she opens her mouth a few times and goes, "Ummm, so..." and then lets the other person railroad right over the conversation so that later she can say, "I TRIED," when we all know that dead people have in fact made more effort.
Nipsville
Ugh, these two. Another week, another set of scenes where he has a temper tantrum -- because, all joking about his absurdly young age aside, he IS apparently a toddler. Scarlett gets an unexpected 24-hour furlough, and when she scampers back to spend it on woolen sexy time with Dr. Kiddo, he is super busy and she gets sad and yada yada yada arguments about Real Careers and stuff before they halfheartedly vow to stop being dipshits and start twinkling again.
Doubtville
It ends with a hug but Scarlett is pretty distant from it all. She's even wearing a different rope necklace. WHAT CAN IT MEAN.
Bondville
It's not going well for Luke and Colt, so when they get home, Luke takes him out fishing. It is true that nothing forces a person to talk to you quite like sitting at a lake waiting for fish to be stupid enough to fall for your bait gambit AGAIN.
Ruinationville
Sadly, the bonding is ruined by a GQ photo shoot, which Luke forgot about -- and so Colt decides this was all a ruse. Luke apologizes and tries to get him to play along, but a staged photo op of them grooming a horse -- a COLT, if you will, which is harnessed so it can't run off, AHEM, METAPHORS -- is the last straw and Colt stomps off in a tizzy.
Pinkville
Poor Daphne. She gets it this week. First she's trying to dress herself up for a photo shoot with Highway 65, and exuberantly shares this terrible outfit with Maddie, and Maddie laughs in her face and tells her she's absurd. Horrible. But, sadly, very correctly Jerky Teen Girl Obsessed With Her Own Stuff.
Awwwwwville
THEN, Maddie catches Daphne watching a YouTube vide of Maddie's duet with Juliette, and fervently trying to imitate it while wearing Maddie's clothes. I have to say... this is such a Little Sister thing to do. It actually broke my heart a little. Maddie, of course, is AGAIN a total jerk about it, mocking Daphne and making her feel terrible. Daphne yells at Maddie later and then the two sisters make up when Maddie says they need to acknowledge that it sucks they're at such different ages, in terms of life experiences, but that they love each other and love performing together and so they should be better to each other. I love the Stellas. Maddie's brattiness is awful but also very real, and the fact that they have an actual sibling bond infuses their scenes with a lot of life.
Bigotville
Remember Ten-Gallon Hat, who was all cool with Will being gay until the photographers saw them talking? Well, he wants to record one of Will's songs, and write some more. Will actually calls him on this, and Wade Cole politely tells him that he's fine with it but that his wife is way NOT and he has to go along with her to keep the peace. (BORING.) Then Will Googles him after noticing a sticker on his guitar case, and finds video of Wade supporting Prop 8 and denouncing gay marriage. I really hope we're not moving into a thing where he hits on Will because he's closeted and hates himself for it, or something. That would feel a little trite to me.
Anyway, Will is not sure what to do, and he makes the mistake of airing this out to Avery on the worst day possible: when Avery is broke with no prospects. Avery spits that Will has a Champagne problem here and he's really not in the mood to listen to Will throwing money down the drain. He bitterly notes that what we want to do and need to do often aren't the same thing, and this results in Will swallowing his disgust and agreeing to work more with Wade. And I'm confused here, for one major reason: We JUST HAD a whole arc where Will decided he hated other people singing his songs -- namely, Luke -- because he wanted to do it himself some way, somehow. And now two seconds later he's all, "A publishing deal? ALL RIGHT!" This is not a jukebox, and you are not Tori Spelling putting in a quarter and finding your favorite Jeremy Jordan song. Explain yourself.
Tantrumville
Dr. Childish is not the only person throwing tantrums this week, by the way. When Deacon comes in to help Markus record the song Markus is using, he gets furious when Markus alters some of the lyrics. HOW DARE HE TINKER WITH ALPHABET GOLD. Then he tells Rayna that he hates Markus because Markus clearly wants to sleep with her and THEN -- because Rayna tried to make peace by supporting Markus's right to tinker with the words and meter -- Deacon goes full Whiny Baby in suggesting that PERHAPS Rayna is FINE with Markus wanting her because maybe SHE wants HIM TOO. DEACON. SHUT YOUR MOUTH HOLE. Or, since I guess you only commune with remastered saints: WHAT WOULD BEVERLY SAY.
Textville
Rayna then gets this suck-up text from Markus and realizes that PERHAPS he perceives a tingly bond between them that she does not. I object, by the way, to the notion that Rayna didn't notice any of this sooner. They had the scene where they talked about her past and his, and he held her hand for as second, and then they both jerked away. Women notice that stuff. They just do. There is NO WAY that wouldn't have lodged in her brain.
Keenville
After Rayna pops by to let him know -- clumsily -- that if he senses any chemistry it is not truly there, Markus agrees with her... and then closes his hotel door and makes this smug face. So obviously Rayna has solved no problems. As usual. I'm told Markus planted one on Rayna in the preview for next week, so ... sigh. I just really don't think Rayna would swoon for guyliner.
Regretville
The scenes with Luke and Colt this week were quite good. The two of them get into another fight about how disappointed Colt is in Luke's integrity, and it ends in Luke backing his son against a wall, fist raised. Colt angrily dares him to do it, because Luke couldn't possibly hurt him any more than he already has in life. Horrified, Luke drops his fist and Colt runs off while Luke weeps.
At the end, Colt has arranged to go live with Luke's father for a while, with his mother's blessing (do I smell a new character or two, perhaps -- hopefully -- with good cameo casting?). He doesn't want to be around Luke at all. Maybe Luke should have just called Layla and told her the truth. I guess that would require communication. Or an admission of guilt. I DO like that Colt hasn't just run off and told Extra, or even just Twitter, what really happened. It makes him respectful of whatever Juliette is going through even though he's also angry that Luke didn't man up and tell the truth, and I appreciate that. I prefer Colt not being a jerk. We're getting enough of that from Deacon right now.
Merryville
Also not a jerk: Gunnar, who tried to close himself off and write a song but got nowhere. Erin helped him get out of his own head and so he wrote her a kicky little ditty. And even his hair seems less frightened of the world.
Glumville
Scarlett is now being a mope, though, because things aren't going well with Dr. Gerber, so I guess her newfound confidence and independence are going to die in the Dumpster fire that is that relationship? I mean, she's already back to being laden with cardigans. So I don't know.
Apologyville
Deacon and Rayna make up, mostly because she told him that she settled things with Markus and that she's his for good. He replies that he knows he has the prize, Rayna, so Markus can keep his dumb song. That he doubted her -- even just in stupid jealousy -- is asinine, and I swear, if Rayna even seems remotely tempted by that douchecanoe I might fully quit this show, no lie. Deacon isn't being THAT big of a jerk -- he did just lose his awful sister that he only just remembered to care about, and he almost died, and so he's Been Through It lately. He has not been jerky enough to merit being dumped, although admittedly naming that bar The Beverly is super unsexy.