Awkward
So, Deacon has joined the tour, and this means he and Tami frequently share elevators. It's uncomfortable for them because on TV elevators are where things get spicy, and neither of them is ready to sample each other's heat.
Scarlett and Gunnar
Let's cut this one nice and short: Scarlett needs something fixed and can't pay the rent because Lucky Spencer won't give her money that he owes her. Gunnar needs new roommates, because his are acting like douchenozzles. So guess who's moving into the spare room? Pretty soon they will be using that stove in a way that only R. Kelly would have intended.
Tami
Teddy is enraged that Tami didn't tell him about Deacon, and doesn't really believe her when she says she didn't know. Finally, he seems to give her that point, and then asks her if she's seen him. Tami suavely says, "Um, uh, um," and so Teddy essentially hangs up on her. Teddy has been growing a backbone in the family garden in her absence, and it appears to be ready to harvest.
Lucky
Lucky Spencer is bored of having sex with his manager. This will wreak havoc on her Yelp reviews.
Tami
Role reversal! This time, Tami puts on a tiny sequined dress for her concert. I like to think it's because Deacon is in the house now, and she wants to flash a little leg to torture him. Crucially, she manages to walk around on stage in this without doing any strange, revealing knee bends.
Deacon
Two things here: First, Tami asks him to talk to her new lady guitarist, to discuss a riff they used to do on a song, and then she tells him it's really awkward that he's in Hayden's band. His answer, perfectly, is basically, "Oh, well, then I'll stay out of your way." Because it's not your life, Tami. And SECOND, Deacon then has the cojones to start making fun of Hayden for her dancers and her smoke machine and basically all the production values that her fans really love. Deacon, it's not YOUR life. Everyone stop trying to run everyone else's lives, especially when you can't run your own.
Hayden
Hayden, for her part, goes with tiny hot pants and lots of fringe everywhere. She looks like she's on the pep squad for one of Snoop Dogg's little league teams.
Deacon
And when she turns around and catches his eye, THIS is the look Deacon gives her. DEACON. Your timing is bad and your douche is showing. Stop.
Hayden
So, Hayden has a life crisis, because she hates her image. Her manager tells her carefully, because any abrupt left turns from her current brand might alienate the fans who've gotten her there. But Hayden hates her brand, just because Deacon told her to, basically. Well, she's had the itch in other episodes, but seriously, it took him about thirty seconds of pushing her buttons to get her to the breaking point.
Tami
Tami meets up with her mentor, the bigwig Watty White, and tells him the label has given her an imprint and she needs to sign some acts. She specifically asks about Scarlett and Gunnar, and let's just fast-forward to: She's interested and wants to sign them, even though it's Deacon's niece. So that will make for a jolly celebration at Chez Simple Folk.
Trouble
Teddy is out on the streets having a coffee and being completely ignored, exactly the way it never would be for a mayor-elect. And up comes Peggy, his non-mistress, and what do you know, she's moved into her own place and life is good -- and indeed, she looks pretty great. It's very ballsy of the two of them to walk and talk and hug in public, though, because those photos were released, and you know somebody with a cameraphone -- or a professional mayor-stalker -- would be on this in a hot second.
O NOES
Speaking of being on things in a hot second, Teddy puts a move on Peggy when she says something sage about Tami's non-feelings for him. They are sitting IN HIS CAR, in broad daylight, in front of her house. TEDDY. I am so happy you're misbehaving (from an entertainment standpoint, and also a Tami/Deacon standpoint), but you really need to get your freak on inside.
BOOTY
Teddy lies there with his naked lady and says, "This isn't right." ISN'T IT, TEDDY? Peggy seems oddly unperturbed by this decidedly unsexy pillow talk.
Lucky
I guess everyone with a camera is too busy following Lucky around. He's filming a segment for a TV show where artists take you around their Nashville, so he drags them to his old house in the hopes of impressing Scarlett. Because apparently, despite having been her boyfriend, he has never MET HER.
Scarlett
And naturally, Scarlett stomps downstairs, demands her money, refuses to sign a release -- all while low-talking at a hundred miles an hour, naturally -- and spits that he's pathetic. Scarlett, it's worth noting, has a really admirable collection of comfortable-looking cardigans.
Awkward II
Tami and Deacon In The Elevator, Part II: This time, despite her trying to make small talk about Scarlett, Deacon completely ignores her. Says nothing. Doesn't even acknowledge that she's alive. It's a searing burn.
Hayden and Deacon
These two decide to pop upstairs and write a song real fast, as you do. And Hayden whines about her brand and Deacon basically tells her that there's a point at which you stop talking about what you're going to do, and just DO it. Obviously, he was going to say that. This is a classic case of seeking advice from the person most likely to tell you what you want to hear.
Hayden
So guess what? Away go the hot pants. Hayden walks out looking great in jeans and a button-down, and tells her fans she'll sing all the stuff they want in a minute, but first she wants to try something. Then she brings out Deacon and they sing the slow, achy ballad they just wrote. It's a great song, and she sounds great on it.
Whaaaaaaa
And the peanut gallery is shocked SHOCKED I TELL YOU, but also Tami grudgingly has to admit it's all pretty good.
Oops
But you know who doesn't like it? The Twitters. Well, specifically, a critic in the audience, who live-tweeted things about how it was pretentious, and Hayden isn't above her sparkly hot pants WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS. There is an actual "IWantMyMoneyBack" hashtag. The manager is upset that she didn't clue him in, but frankly, what is everyone so het up about? She was bouncing back there to change into her regular gear and she promised everyone she'd do the rest of the set. Calm DOWN, cranky critic.
Hayden
Across the board, Hayden has been great in this show. Except right in this moment, when she sees the Tweets, and makes a facial expression like somebody is about to give her a tetanus shot.
Manager and Deacon
"BOO. HISS," says Hayden's manager to Deacon.
Awkward III
And then Deacon ends up in the elevator with Tami, AGAIN, and she says, "But really, why are you on this tour?" AND THEN.
YES
FINALLY. Deacon backs her up against the elevator wall and kisses her. She drowsily tries to repeat her question but does not stop him, and then they grab at each other and make out and it is AWESOME and I actually cheered. It was perfect: Three scenes in an elevator, and the third time was the charm. Aerosmith would be proud.
Tami
This is the greatest facial expression ever. It says, "That's funny. My loins NEVER feel like this at home."
Lucky Spencer
Lucky comes by to give Scarlett her money, and she's very cut to him, as one would be. But Lucky then sees Gunnar there, and gets testy because he assumes the two of them are sleeping together. He's super obnoxious about it, and Scarlett actually gives as good as she gets, but Gunnar is grossed out by Lucky being such a jerk, and tells a bunch of truths about how it's not her fault that Lucky is disgusted with himself for sleeping with Marilyn and being such a giant ass.
Gunnar
Because Gunnar is right, Lucky punches him, so Gunnar socks him right back. About three times. And Scarlett totally sides with Gunnar, THANK GOD.
Lucky
Oh, sad clown. Go home to your self-loathing.
Hayden
Hayden's assistant/only friend comes up and tells her not to beat herself up about the Tweets from that dude, because the video of her song is already viral on YouTube and her fans LOVE it and she should be proud of herself. So Hayden tells her manager that she thinks it's time to grow up, and that her fans clearly are willing to grow with her, and as cheesy as it is -- and maybe too soon? -- I am happy for her because Hayden is great in this role.
Tami
Tami sends Deacon a text inviting him to "talk" in her room. That may not be the thing with tongues that she actually has in mind, though.
Teddy
But BOOM, guess who shows up instead! Deacon arrives just as Teddy is walking into Tami's room, so his face falls and he slinks away unseen. And then Teddy tells Tami that he's tired of waiting for her to love him again/for the first time, and that he wants a divorce. TEDDY. You are solid gold, sir. Keep up the good work.