The Liars
The girls are all in their same outfits from last week, which is unfortunate for Aria in particular, because it means she's still wearing those ungodly awful leopard pants that give her a massive polterwang. Let's revisit that bucket of balls right now.
The girls have driven to the Busy Bee Motel to try and beat A to Alison, and they get there to discover a trashed room and a message from A indicating they're too late. But the girls think it's TOO neat and was maybe staged, but they can't be sure, because even they can't keep up with this thing.
Emily
Emily decides to go light a candle for Alison. They've done a good job with the throughline that Emily was in love with Alison and has struggled with the awful aspects of Alison's character, versus now knowing she is still alive and not being able to deny the hope she's feeling. The only problem is that Alison is SO AWFUL that I don't know why any of them like her or care about her at all anymore.
Spencer
I'm showing you this because I love that Spencer is just hanging around her boyfriend's apartment in boxers and a t-shirt. It's the most realistic this show's styling has ever been, short of Emily wearing a bathing suit to go swimming. Her story with Toby is that her dad suddenly wants Toby to sign the settlement with Radley, which comes with a total gag order and whatnot. Spencer finds out that Alison's mother Jessica -- who had an affair with Spencer's dad that produced Big Dumb Jason -- is on the board at Radley, and smells ulterior motives. She also decides her dad might be lying that Jason is in rehab and that's why he's been MIA. But Toby signs the agreement anyway because he doesn't care.
Aria and Ezra
Aria has to break up with Big Boring Jake now that he's back from some martial arts tournament. How long has he BEEN there? Maybe he got stuck there in the polar vortex. Anyway, Ezra is going to Philly or something for the day, so Aria has all the time in the world to dump the nice dull guy in favor of her creepy older-man who might be a serial killer. And she will do it in day-glo animal print. I liked Aria better when she was a hipster-punk Stevie Nicks kind of cat. This is so Hanna to me.
Hanna and Spencer
Hanna is wearing a t-shirt that describes the activities of a lot of people on this show. She's dumping all her clothes because they all remind her of Caleb. No one points out to her that her family was super broke recently and ergo she should either sell them, or hang onto them, so as not to spend all the money her mother is making at her hard-won new job.
Emily
And we are BACK with Emily, just because I wanted to show you how FREAKING LONG it took her to light this damn candle. She JUST lit it in this photo, as if she had to sit there for half an hour trying to teach herself how to use the match. Or maybe she was just out of quarters to donate, and had to run out to her car and dig through the seats.
Shana
So anyway, it turns out Shana is stalking Emily. She's in touch with Alison -- on Ali's terms -- because she grew up next door to Ali's grandparents, and is on the hunt to find out who's terrorizing Ali. She tells Emily that Alison trusts her the most, and that she's only friends with Formerly Blind Jenna as a way of keeping Ali's enemies closer; Emily asks her to confirm that it's real by having her repeat a conversation she and Ali had privately. (It's the convo where Ali told Emily that she was always her favorite.) Shana does this and says Ali wants to meet Emily alone because Ali trusts her and isn't sure about the other ones. Emily is atwitter. Poor Paige.
Boring Jake
Aria ditches this poor kid for Ezra, and he is left alone with his punching bags to channel his feelings into muscles. She is wearing terrible shoes, predictably. Aria never met a terrible shoe she didn't try to match to an ugly outfit.
Hanna
And Hanna tries to channel her grief over Caleb into getting funky with Travis, who tries to resist, but then they make out all over her pool table (a conveniently flooded basement pipe means it's in her front hall). That outfit is SO UNFLATTERING on her, and also, everyone else is wearing coats and she's dressed like it's June.
Hanna and Sydney Andrews
Hanna is depressed, so she repeats a tank top we've already seen (unless I saw this on "Carrie Diaries" and am confabulating it), which is very realistic. So her mother drags her out on the town to a place that lets you hurl plates at a giant wall. Do those places exist? That sounds HEAVENLY.
Spencer and Emily
So, in another smart twist that I can actually understand: Spencer is understandably concerned that if Shana's connection to Ali is for real (and it does seem to be), then Ali is playing Emily, by trying to flatter her and compliment her and draw her closer while throwing shade on the other girls. Emily of course doesn't want to hear this, and tells Spencer to buzz off and let Emily meet Alison alone -- because Ali has said she will only show up if Emily is alone. Further, both these girls look great in this scene. Emily's coat is awesome, and Spencer has on a good shirt/cardigan combination, and so thumbs up all around.
Hanna and Sydney
Hanna does at least put on a cardigan to go outside, and it's very fancy and animalistic and such, which makes sense for this scene because she's full of growly rage. It might be a little too fitted to be a good wine cardigan, though. In case you're looking for one.
Emily
Before meeting Ali, Emily changes clothes a couple times and then settles on this OTHER great coat. It's an embarrassment of coat riches. But poor Emily then adds some lip gloss and it's so clearly about her wanting to look pretty for her beastly friend... I really LIKE Emily, and I like how they've grown her character from someone meek into someone stronger, and so I'm very much invested in her eventually telling Alison to SHOVE IT and stop trying to pull her puppet strings, so this all bodes very sadly.
Boring Jake
Jake has sent Aria a present -- before he found out she was back with Ezra -- so she pops by to return it. Except it's a necklace with her name on it, and he points out this really isn't that useful to him now. He also tells her what he just saw: Ezra, outside, demonstrably NOT in Philly, screaming abusive words at a woman in a car and then banging on it as she drove away. If he's A, and he's been SO meticulous so far, then I don't believe for a second Ezra would've done any of that in public. At least not unless he somehow wanted to be seen by Jake. It's weird.
Aria
Aria takes her massive earrings and demands that Ezra tell her whether he was in Philly or not. He immediately comes clean -- or "clean," or whatever -- and tells her that his old girlfriend is trying to bar him from seeing Malcolm, the kid he thought was his son. So he was yelling at her lawyer. Despite the fact that Ezra has been nothing but gentle so far, Aria does not find his display of anger odd, nor does she question why this woman would be so desperate to keep Ezra from her kid -- yes, it might be CONFUSING for the kid, but Ezra supposedly is a nice guy and might be a good relationship for him? So it might seem crazy that she's taking legal action against him, ESPECIALLY because doesn't it ALSO ring an alarm bell if she's asking Ezra to stay away and he's refusing? NONE of this makes Ezra look good, and yet Aria's like, "I love you and yay."
Alison
And so Alison shows up to meet Emily, and says lovely things, and Emily positively lights up when she sees her, and for a girl who's been living in like six different hovels in the past year or so, Alison looks very clean and bouncy and styled and as if she's been doing a lot of online shopping. Maybe she should STAY presumed dead and go to Hawaii. Before Emily and Ali can get very far, though, they hear a noise, and it's Spencer. She followed Emily, and Alison flees, and Emily is ENRAGED and so Alison has successfully divided them and conquered one.
Ginsu
Meanwhile, Jake kicks one of his bags, gets stabbed, and realizes there are a bunch of steak knives inside them that he did not order AND NO RETURN ADDRESS. (If we're supposed to think Ezra did this, then it must JUST have been out of pettyness, because he's still in the same room where he found out Jake busted him to Aria. So either he knew that was going to happen, or he is a douche, or both -- OR, someone else did it. Maybe Jake is a crappy coach and someone hates his feet.)
A
And at some nebulous time, a masked and gloved A who is probably Ezra (but maybe not) rips a photo of Ali and Shana in half, and then sets fire to Shana's side. So I guess SHE'S not going to be added to the cast list on a permanent basis. I ask again: Is Alison really worth it? Maybe make her deal with her own problems? I am awful. But then again, so is she.