Aria
I might like Aria's shirt, but her jacket looks like it's one of those that's pseudo-denim, which... just wear real denim. Pseudo is not as good as the real thing. ANY METH COOK CAN TELL YOU THAT.
Mona
Aria finds Boring Mike having a party at their house, because Chad Lowe is also too dull of a character to keep around and so he's "out of town," and through this she learns he's friends with Mona. Who is wearing a very nice necklace and using her purse as a bracelet. The one thing that gets me about TV shows is that I know they have to make characters visually interesting, and I know Mona in red is symbolic that she's Trouble, but none of the high schoolers I see kicking around my neighborhood are putting this much effort into dressing like they're 23-year old magazine interns.
Aria
I don't know what came with this dress and what they added, but something about the collar and the belt look like they were tacked on with actual tape. Particularly the collar. And the fabric looks like a Serena and Lily pillow. It's way more of a Hanna outfit to me. Aria doesn't feel as much like Aria these days. Where's her boho thing?
Mona and Mike
This is seriously so "Pleasantville."
Mona and Mike
Anyway, Aria is hella pissed when she sees that Mona and Mike are not only friendly, but in fact publicly dating. This is a douche move of Boring Mike's, considering he got super huffy with Aria when he thought she'd hooked up with someone on his sports team, and that kid hadn't even preceded that by trying to ruin Mike's life and drive him insane. So you'd think Mike would stand the family ground and steer clear of Mona, but no. Hormones win.
Mona and Ezra
We do also get a shot of her looking smug and mischievous as Ezra keeps her alone after class, implying that there is a big pile of Cahoots that these two are stepping in together. Ezra also spends much of the episode looking shifty-eyed and then texting things to people about how there are roadblocks involving Alison and potentially also doing some dentistry. You'll see.
Hanna
I don't know what the climate is here: Mike and Mona are macking on each other with rolled-up sleeves or no sleeves at all, and Hanna is roaming the streets in a wool coat. Her storyline involves an obsession with cheesy James Patterson crime thrillers, which I find quite funny actually, and Detective Sean Faris keeps bumping into her and making nice. If this show has another older and wiser and MUCH OLDER individual hitting on a high school girl I am going to LOSE IT because that officially means Rosewood is a Perv Zone and really needs to bus in some women in the 24-34 demographic.
Guidance Counselor
There is also a hip young new guidance counselor, whose group sessions at school -- which are run like therapy, which seems like a more serious deal than you usually get at school -- are the reason Mike and Mona have found each other. And he thinks Aria needs to get over her rage issues. Look, pal, Aria was stalked by Mona for a long time. She's allowed to have rage issues. Don't get all Hip Young New Guidance Counselor-y in our grills here, okay? These two ALSO keep bumping into each other for meaningful conversations, and if another FACULTY MEMBER starts having an affair with a student I AM GOING TO LOSE IT MORE. It would be so great if every man and woman in a scene together on this show didn't act like maybe they were going to start making out in two weeks. Actually my theory is that this dude will end up In A Bad Way because Aria starts attending his anti-rage sessions and talks about him a lot and Ezra gets jealous and puts steak knives in his office chair.
Spencer
Spencer isn't sleeping. She photographed some pages of Alison's journal before it got stolen, which was smart, and is transcribing them into her computer and trying to fill in blanks. So she needs a little sweet yam-yam to get through the days, and her tests, know what I'm saying? So she gets her study buddy to give her his prescription uppers, so that she can turn into David Silver. I hope she starts wearing hideous blouses and playing the synthesizer.
Hanna
I just thought you'd like to know that someone on TV is sleeping in something with actual sleeves on it.
Aria
Ezra's non-baby-mama is still keeping him away from Malcolm, and Aria gets so mad at her about it that they exchange very firm words and then Aria grabs at her and accidentally knocks her stuff out of her hands. Babymama is not charmed by Aria's leather jacket and so this will probably end in tears for someone.
Hanna
Inspired by James Patterson, Hanna decides to go to the dentist where she used to work and check the records to see who might've helped fake Alison's so that she'd be declared dead even though it wasn't her body. Gypsy from "Gilmore Girls" is her hygienist, and leaves her alone in a cleaning chair conveniently located next to the "FILE ROOM" which makes a LOT of logistical sense for that office. And FILE ROOM is not locked, so Hanna goes into FILE ROOM and roots around in there happily; Gypsy thinks she has refused to wait for the dentist and bolted, so she leaves the office, without checking or locking FILE ROOM. And FILE ROOM is like, "Nobody EVER LISTENS TO ME."
Spencer
Spencer finds a story in Ali's journal about a particular bar, and a dude she met there and the conversation they had, so she goes there and POOF there is Ezra. He is unsettled and quickly leaves without eating, pretending he is late for something. Spencer sits down tiredly and looks around, and then the waitress comes by and says, "Well, he paid for this, so here," and puts down a piece of boysenberry pie and a beer -- exactly what Alison's story said her dude ordered. And the beer is called...
Mmm, beer
... BOARD SHORTS ALE. Board Shorts is the nickname for the dude they think Alison feared, so Spencer is like WHAAAT. Now, since Ezra has the journal, this could be a setup so that Spencer will identify him and it'll create a rift in the group, but I'm not sure how that fits Ezra's end game because it would still cast some suspicion on him in Aria's mind. And he has a lot of other mischief to do, like chasing people through dark buildings and such, so he can't sit around at Board Shorts Bar or whatever and wait for the day Spencer figures it out, and he also couldn't have guaranteed it'd be Spencer... anyway. I prefer to think Ezra is just in hot water at this point, and also, Board Shorts Ale sounds terrible. ALSO, if you are Ezra, and you are a creep, and that might have gotten you into trouble, stop going to that place and being The Weirdo Who Always Comes Here With Young Girls And Gets The Same Strange Order Every Time, because that staff will recognize you, and will ALSO start calling you Board Shorts.
Emily
Emily's dad thinks she's insane, so he asked Ezra to give her an after-school activity working with him on the play. She's staying late photocopying things when, of course, the lights start flickering and shit starts playing on the loudspeaker, and she barricades herself into a second-floor classroom. While A is about to bang through the door, she calls her Dad, who comes and climbs a drain pipe and rescues her... only to have a heart attack on the lawn. He's fine. FOR NOW. More to the point, what school EVER allows a student to be inside it after-hours, in the dark, TOTALLY ALONE? No. This show is killing me. And also trying to kill Emily's dad, maybe.
Gas Mask
So, Hanna comes back out of FILE ROOM and sits down, apparently not noticing that THE ENTIRE OFFICE IS CLOSED NOW, and waits for the dentist. How long was she in FILE ROOM? Is it a time warp? In comes A or one of A's minions (Mona?) gassing her and then injecting her with Novocain and fiddling with her teeth. Like Dr. Spacemen before them, the A Team are surprisingly competent dentists. What A does is leave behind a little note that the girls find later, when Hanna finally reaches them, and it's rolled up and jammed into her tooth and it says, "Dead girls don't smile. Stop looking. -A. PS You have a really big freaking cavity if I could fit an entire note in here so maybe go back to the dentist for real now."