Hanna
So, Hanna has been arrested, but says nothing to Roma Maffia even though Roma lays the whole "YOU COULD GO TO PRISON" trip on her. Which seems unnecessary, because whatever you think of Hanna's intellect, she got caught burying a gun and so I'm pretty sure she knows that Deep Shit is involved. Unfortunately for her, she's been hauled in wearing a patchy denim jacket that looks like she's a serial murderer of old jeans.
Hanna
Hanna is so depressed about this turn of events that she puts on leggings and Uggs, as if she's a starlet from 2004 - which means, left unchecked, she's two years away from getting hammered and driving the wrong way down the 101 Freeway. SAVE HANNA.
Emily
Emily spends the episode stalking/being stalked by Shana, the very pretty competing swimmer who has suddenly enrolled at Rosewood in the middle of the year to take Emily's spot on the team. Shana apparently in love with Formerly Blind Jenna at one point, and they think she may have set the cabin fire, or something? I can't entirely remember, but she is potentially sinister, and not even wearing breathable mesh can make Emily stop sweating.
Spencer and Aria
Spencer is super depressed to be fighting with Emily, but at least she's wearing good boots. Emily shows up and the two of them haltingly make up for sniping at each other. There is also a to-do made about poor quality coffees, which Emily ascribes to the dorky new kid she has to train -- who then drops a plate, inciting Aria to go over and talk to him because she recognizes him from her brother's lacrosse team, and when your brother hates you, the ABSOLUTE correct thing to do is try and talk about him to his teammates.
Aria
The dork mumbles about needing help with English and how Mike says Aria is an English genius, so she agrees to tutor him. Nobody explains why she's dressed as a flight attendant all of a sudden. Seriously, Aria is allergic to business-casual. This only makes sense on her if she's due in court this afternoon, or got assigned to the 4:50 p.m. to Frankfurt.
Mona
Mona, apparently, has rediscovered the freedom of having a credit card, and is potentially single-handedly trying to resurrect Rock of Love Bus, because trying to seduce Bret Michaels is the only way I can explain that waist tie. The girls are frosty to her, so instead of pulling Spencer aside to discuss things with her, she tells everyone that Toby stole her RV of Truth and that Spencer knows and has been covering for him. Spencer has no choice but to admit this, which makes Emily and Aria extra pissed at her, because they think maybe the RV had something that could've kept Hanna out of trouble. Fancy thinking, but unlikely. Still, everyone is mad again.
Hanna
ANOTHER old-school telephone, this one a hot pink corded one. I love this. Hanna would totally have that phone. She says her parents confiscated her mobile and took away her Internet, which makes sense. But this doesn't: I don't advocate searching your kids' stuff, but if your daughter just got caught burying a gun and you think it was yours and a cop who was obsessed with her is dead, I think that's probably the time you go through her text messages. And THAT would have exposed a lot of A threats, and that would've been handy. But no. Her parents suffer from what Captain Von Trapp would call "an appalling lack of curiosity."
Spencer
I love that shirt, flappy sleeve-wings be damned. Spencer is the best. She is the only one on this show, I think, who can ever be so wrong that she's right (although in this instance I think she is so RIGHT that she's right). Toby tells Spencer that he can't confess about A's blackmail because then he won't ever find out what happened to his mother. Spencer neglects to tell Toby that this is boring and nobody cares, and that this town does not have room for another mysterious death right now. Instead, she decides to win back trust by pursuing the sorority house mistress from last week, Mrs. Grunwold, whom she thinks was hiding in a secret room taking calls from Dead Alison Di Laurentis. But back when Dead Alison was Alive Alison. Toby mopes that this is very nice of her. It IS nice of her.
Hanna
Meanwhile, Hanna is threatened by A that if she mentions ANYTHING about blackmail, both her parents will go down for muuuuurder. So Emily convinces her that this threat can be taken literally, and therefore EMILY can try to push the cops in the right direction. She wants the footage of Jenna and Sasha (I think) dragging Wilden's body off the street after Hanna's mom hit him with her car, so that she can make the cops suspicious of them. Hanna, of course, has been hiding this in a giant accessories and makeup box that makes a Caboodle look like one of those Clinique free gift pouches.
Emily
So Emily sneaks in and dumps this on Roma Maffia's desk, without anyone even looking at her strangely. As if Roma Maffia wouldn't have an office somewhere. I don't care if she's not local -- she would kick some poor sap out of his place and take over.
Hanna
Hanna's parents are fighting blah blah blah Hanna is wearing her Depressed Loungewear. Which is actually great. If she were flouncing around dressed to the nines, I'd be crying foul.
Emily
Turns out Shana plays a mean violin. Emily is EVEN MORE suspicious because a violin once ate her father.
Dork
Dorkus Mallorcus comes to Aria's for school help and kisses her; Aria fends him of politely. So he tells everyone that she hooked up with him, which infuriates Awful Mike. Aria stomps in and confronts him, and he sneers that she's a big slut because she slept with Fitz. Everyone laughs, Aria is appalled, and Fitz happens to be walking by and hears this but says nothing. Well done all. Mischief MANAGED.
Aria
Aria is a sad wounded bird in what look like wedge sneakers. Ezra tries to make her feel better but she's all YOU DON'T GET TO ANYMORE and storms off, so it's a good thing she was in padded shoes.
Aria
Awful Mike tells Aria that he should've stuck up for her. Awful Mike is correct.
Emily
Emily has been wearing this shirt for most of the episode, and will wear it until the bitter end, and it makes me sad because ugh. She doesn't strike me as the kind of character to wear Important Cutesy Messages, but if it's your bag, it's on deep sale right now for $24 or something. Also, Em is storming around doing a lot of grimacing, and here, tells Mona she wants in on Mona's information supply. Mona points out again that she's just as much at the mercy of A as everyone else now, although I still don't understand why she doesn't know who A is considering that she WAS A and it seems like this A was also part of that A Team, and... brain melt.
Creepy Man
Over in Ravenswood, Toby and Spencer are looking for Mrs. Grimwald and run into this creepy hedge-trimmer. Everyone in Ravenswood is creepy, in fact, because ABC Family REALLY wants you to watch this spinoff, so there are lots of birds flying around everywhere and pedestrians ignoring Spencer and Toby. BECAUSE THEY'RE ALREADY DEAD. No. But it feels like it.
Meg Foster
And then Meg Foster and her crazy awesome eyes pop up, and she tells Spencer that she has no idea what Spencer is talking about, and well, that makes two of us. Team Grunwold.
Ravenswood
Then, Spencer and Toby see the town flocking to some silent gathering at the angel statue, and the blur of red that you see over there is Shana. The only color really is her coat and Spencer's delectable green one...
Spence
... which is GORGEOUS but also what the hell season is it, where Emily is wearing Wild Kisses and Aria is in a tight short-sleeved dress and Spencer has on a wool trench? IS THIS THE MYSTERY OF RAVENSWOOD? Because a series about climate variations is not that intriguing to me.
Shana
Shana does not see Spencer; if she had, she'd have wondered why she's comfortable in a crop-sleeve sweater and giant nest around her neck, while Spencer is all bundled up.
Coffee House
Spencer fails to make any inroads with Emily at all until she mentions that she saw Shana in Ravenswood, getting into Jenna's car. Then the three of them realize that Shana is playing the violin right that second at Emily's open-mic night. Because clearly only evil people play that instrument and that violin would kill you and everyone you love if it had the chance.
MYSTERIOUS NOTES
Then Roma Maffia comes to arrest Emily, because someone left this on her desk -- a different disc with different handwriting that is apparently Emily's, because they compared it to a card Emily gave her mother. But we of course know that Emily left HER disc with a note in A-like all-caps, so this is A's way of saying, "Tit for tat."
Emily
Then Roma shows what's on the disc, and it's this shot of a person in the Emily mask, holding a sign that says GUILTY. It's obviously totally trustworthy.
Sydney
And then Sydney Andrews gets arrested for murder, because the gun Hanna tried to bury is the gun that killed Wilden (Syd claims that she left the gun with him when he wrested it from her). Handcuffs should be old hat for Laura Leighton by now.
DESTRUCTION
Shortly after we see Ezra staring at Aria through the coffee shop door, someone in a hoodie smashes Dorkus Mallorcus's car. My money was on Awful Mike, who has had rage issues before...
Ew
... but then in the button, A breaks into someone's car and drives off. I can't tell if this person is the same hoodie-clad soul who destroyed Dorkus's vehicle, but it could be. Maybe Awful Mike is A. But he's too awful, so probably not. Also awful? The things that mask will do to my dreams tonight.