Aria, Hanna, Spencer
Hanna seems stressed. It might be because her mother is in prison, awaiting word on whether she can get out on bail; it might also be because she's trying to discover religion, to help her understand why Aria would wear that outfit.
Aria
I had hoped it was a shirt, but NO. IT'S A DRESS. Spencer is there looking like a schoolgirl, Hanna looks like it's laundry day, and Aria is a walking installment of Apartment 3G.
Also, Hanna is upset because her mother was denied bail and might be moved to a crazy prison. Things are bleak. So bleak that she really doesn't NEED her best friend to be wearing Rex Morgan M.D. all over her whatsits.
Aria
I mean, yes, Aria IS a cartoon sometimes, so in that sense it's clever. But one of the speech bubbles that's repeated everywhere says, "This is eautiful." EAUTIFUL. And I don't think it's a French-inspired attempt to say something is full of water. That is both ugly AND dumb. Also dumb: Awful Mike, who is being sort of snivelly again. Aria is paranoid that Things Are Happening with him, and she notices he's carrying a bag from the same martial arts place where she went to learn self-defense because she was scared of A. So she assumes Mike is scared of things. But Mike is too boring to be scared of things.
Ezra
Mr. Fitz is on the phone with his son, being a terrible father, making fun of how he can't tell what the hell the picture Malcolm made for him actually IS. Ezra, you do that IN PRIVATE, not on the phone with your offspring. Shove it. He also counsels Emily about colleges, and tells her that maybe some service offerings would help now that swimming isn't on her resume anymore. Emily decides to rediscover Habitat For Humanity so that Rumer Willis can have something to do on the show. Oh yes. Rumer Willis. Stay tuned.
Caleb and Spencer
It's always nice to see someone deploying a schoolgirl outfit AT school. These two are both worried about Hanna, and Toby is off-screen doing more digging about Red Coat things that nobody understands. Certainly not Toby.
Sydney Andrews
Sydney calls Hanna collect and tells her not to worry, because orange is her color and she heard a rumor it's the new black.
Mona, Hanna
But as soon as Hanna hangs up, Mona arrives. Hanna has called her to help Hanna develop an airtight confession for killing Wilden. She's going to claim it was self-defense, because he was harassing her and her mother, and Mona is the only person she knows who's lived inside a lie for so long that it became second nature. So there are a bunch of interesting scenes where Mona is coaching Hanna through a confession and Hanna tries to nail why and how it happened, all while Mona looks like an art-class accident (but in a surprisingly cute way).
Whatever
This guy is helping Spencer's mother be lawyerly. When his back is turned, Spencer steals a file on-hand from Wilden's police reports; it's his write-up of what happened to Toby's mother. Spencer smells a rat, and steals it. (Later, he casually calls her on it but covers for her, and they share A Glance, and you guys, if they're trying to set her up for a non-Toby love interest then they are barking up the wrong tree because this guy is no Toby, and also, EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW NEEDS TO STOP DATING PEOPLE WHO ARE WORKING PROFESSIONALS WHO WOULD NEVER DATE A SEVENTEEN-YEAR OLD.)
Aria
We just need to revisit for a second how ABSURD this whole hideous outfit is. Please, somebody, liberate that purse.
She runs into Jake, the martial arts guy she didn't quite date, and presses him for questions on whether Mike is afraid of anything. Jake breaks master-student confidentiality and tells Aria that Mike said something like, "It sucks when the guys on your team are playing against you." So she thinks he's being bullied. She also maybe still thinks he beat the crap out of that one guy's car, right? Aria's storyline is so boring. It almost makes me yearn for the days of creepy Ezra love.
Spencer
Spencer brings a lovely cookie tin to the orderly who treated her at Radley -- his name was on Wilden's report -- and inside IS the report, and she grills him and he admits that Wilden's is wrong and was doctored. So basically, the mom went off the roof, and not out a window. But he didn't say anything because Wilden was a cop, so going to the cops seemed pointless. Also, he probably assumed everyone would solve the crime because back then he didn't know that Rosewood PD can't solve basic addition, much less a death.
Rumer Willis
Here's the thing about Rumer Willis: She has a really nice naturalness to her on camera. How come she doesn't work more? Is she a total pain, or something? I mean, maybe that's where her talents end, but oftentimes you can tell the terrible ones by the fact that they can't perform a simple scene that requires them to converse normally without any drama. That is where a lot of people's woodenness comes out to play, and she wasn't wooden at all. So there must be SOMETHING there. Is there something between her and Emily, too? Hard to say: She is just Emily's former adviser at Habitat, and she's going to write her a glowing college recommendation and Emily is going to do another Habitat house over the summer, assuming A doesn't murder Rumer first.
However, I need to take issue with Rumer inquiring about Emily's absence by saying, "So where have you been, Joe DiMaggio?" I assume that's supposed to be a reference to Simon & Garfunkel's "Mrs. Robinson," but if so the line is, "Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio?" BOO, WRITERS. And also I don't believe for a second this character would make that reference.
Sydney and Caleb
Caleb goes to talk to Sydney and it convinces him she didn't do it. Which I guess he wasn't sure of before? Also, they decide he needs to watch Hanna, because she's prone to doing really dumb things.
Caleb
So Caleb immediately marches over to Hanna and catches her with Mona. He's not best pleased to see the two of them in cahoots.
Aria
PANTS.
Aria also hears weird noises outside, or something? I'm a bit confused here because I thought she would have gone to poke around out there but instead she picks up her phone to call Mike. I may have spaced out during this part. But she calls Mike and his friend picks up the phone and won't put on Mike, saying he's passed out, and Aria worries and calls Jake for help and blah blah blah Awful Mike is both fine and still awful, and Jake still wants to date Aria.
Hanna
Hanna goes upstairs to put on her most straight-faced lying outfit, but gets caught by Caleb. Oops. That's what happens when you date a guy who knows better than to trust you when you start hanging out one-on-one with your former tormenter.
Emily and Emily's mom
Emily's mother has a breakdown about how they are living in a motel, and their house is jacked, and now Emily needs to go away to Habitat for Humanity with Demi Moore's kid. These are all very stressful things. Demi Moore is not a very stabilizing influence right now.
Spencer's Mother
Spencer tells her mother about the Radley file, and tries to convince her that it means Wilden is a dirty liar; Spencer's mother doesn't seem to buy it and thinks Spencer is fixating -- which is true, but can't BOTH statements be right, Mrs. Hastings? And then Mama gets a call...
SHOES OF MYSTERY
... as someone in some serious lie-telling shoes waltzes into the police station...
SOS
... and then we see Aria getting this text. I am pretty sure Spencer didn't need the "SOS" on the front of this one.
Mona
The Liars hightail it to the police station in time to see Mona sitting in a room, and right before the blinds go down on her, she gives them this face. So her rehearsal with Hanna all led up to this, perhaps? Though the details won't be the same. But still. Mona, you scamp, confessing to a murder you didn't commit (THAT WE KNOW OF) while wearing some seriously hot, mischievous red lipstick. I love you best of all.