Spencer
The look on Spencer's face here mirrors what my face did when I contemplated this shirt. It's hilariously befuddling, like the blue side took the white side to the movies and then tried the old yawn-and-drop-the-arm-over-her-shoulder trick.
Aria
And Aria's shirt is saying to Spencer's shirt, "If you try and pull that touchy-feely crap with me, I will x-ray you so hard you'll mutate into spats."
Aria
Oh, and did I mention her chest has a gold glittery heart (JUST like her cradle-robbing boyfriend does!), and that her jeggings have a future when female referees take the NFL by storm?
Emily and Hanna
Emily, interestingly, later wears very, very similar pants to Aria's. It actually rings a bit true to me -- like, you see something your friend has, and you love it, but it's not in stores nor on eBay, so you just grab a Sharpie and your white jeans and go to town. Call her resourceful. Hanna's outfit... I am not sure. If I owned neon pink jeans I would spend a lot of time not wearing them, because I would be thinking, "I have NO IDEA what I own that goes with these," so I at least applaud this attempt. But I'm not sure about the big dark cross effect that the zipper and the waist-tie give that shirt. Like she's marked for death.
Emily and Spencer
I do like that Emily is getting a little leather up in this joint, but I like even MORE Spencer's funky elephant-print. She gets the best patterns. Some of Hanna's and Aria's occasionally look like what I imagine concussions feel like; Spencer's are always so preppy-posh.
Hanna's house
I'd just like to pause here to note that this is the exterior they are using now for Hanna's house. My thoughts are this: 1) When Hanna's mom had all those money problems that have conveniently now evaporated, perhaps she could have sold her massive mansion instead of stealing from a client; 2) having seen the inside of Hanna's house REPEATEDLY, and how the stairwell is right up by the front door and there is no place for another wing of ground-floor rooms on the other side of it, it is almost impossible for this to be anything CLOSE to her house, making it a terrible choice, especially because 3) 2) TWO PEOPLE LIVE IN THIS HOUSE. For comparison, the Walsh house had four occupants and yet the exterior was half this size, so if they were going for purest fiction they could've just used that shot and given everyone a nostalgic sniffle.
Hanna
Hanna, however, is too busy walking around like she's Aria to care.
Aria
This whole slideshow will feature a lot of Added Belts. This one is cute with that green outfit, but I think due to its size and placement, would only actually flatter about 0.5 percent of the population.
Aria
I'm also not sure she needed it, given that the back of the dress is so elaborate. But who am I to question Aria's accessories? She slathers them on like SPF, bless her.
Aria
In fact, she slathers EVERYTHING on like it's SPF. That is a lot of stuff happening in one outfit. I'd give her a hard time about it, but she just walked in on her mother making out with the coffee guy or something -- not a significant spoiler; this show really needs to stick to Sydney Andrews' adult lovelife or none at all -- in the middle of her high-school classroom, with a lunch tray spread out on a desk that they ALL leave sitting there when the bell rings. Whoever sits there is going to be so peeved to take notes on top of a pile of sandwich crusts.
Noel Kahn
Let us pause to note that Noel Kahn came in to the locker room AFTER football practice. Either he was born without sweat glands, or Rosewood's football team plays the weakest two-hand touch in all of Basic Cabletania.
Deer Head
This was the decor at Noel's family cabin the morning after a kegger. Ergo, this deer is actually extremely well-appointed. This is TOTALLY what a bunch of douchey college and high-school kids would do between rounds of beer pong.
Flashback Aria
I know Hanna is actually looking at Alison, but in my imagination, she's having a silent eye-roll conversation with Spencer about why Aria is dressed like jazzercise.
Aria
THIS is much cuter. In fact, it's adorable. So adorable and simple and clean, in fact, that I think it's more Hanna. There's been a lot of cross-pollination between Aria's and Hanna's styles this season, which ALSO could be natural, considering you do tend to try things you ordinarily wouldn't if you are friends with someone who can pull it off. But it's weird at times, and this was one of them, even if she WAS going undercover as a kindergarten teacher's aide (which, what? The school should fire everyone for this being so easy).
Bianca!
Also, it took me FOREVER to figure out why this girl looked familiar, until it clicked: She was Bianca in 10 Things I Hate About You, which means she now shares a credit with the actress who played Julia Stiles' character in the ABC Family half-hour TV adaptation of that movie. DID I BLOW YOUR MIND? Probably not. But I did do the happy chair dance when I figured this out without having to use IMDb.
Spencer
I don't think I will ever stop hating leggings. She looks like she's in dance tights. Like her tap-class production of Our Town begins rehearsals in ten minutes.
Spencer
And so wrinkly! And monochrome! I guess even Spencer has off days. (Using the plural there is foreshadowing.)
Hanna
Okay, let us all thump Ashley Benson on the back to congratulate her for pulling off this product placement. After a random dig on her hair (which IS a tad too "Momsen: The Early Rebellion" for her), a girl turns around and tells her that she should try some dry shampoo on it. Then Hanna holds the can of Tresemme Dry Shampoo For All Your De-Momsening Needs just-so, for the rest of the scene, so you can identify it and run out and buy it and change your own life. That plaintive raccoon-thing on her shirt (sorry, I am not good with nature) is all, "I can't believe that I am part of this. SARAH McLACHLAN, WHERE ARE YOU WHEN I NEED YOU?!?"
Hanna
I had to laugh here at the outfit Hanna pulled for Emily. She was trying to get rid of Emily's girlfriend, for snooping purposes, and suggested to the girl that she help Emily put this on -- as if Emily has EVER worn anything with laces that was not a pair of sneakers.
Spencer
Spencer is like, "Weak sauce, kid. Guess that dry shampoo didn't clean your BRAIN."
Aria
Here, Aria seems to be wearing a picture frame as a necklace. This would only work for me if she had left in the stock photo that came with it.
Spencer
Next up: Spencer, in what appears to be a very Spencerian, very serviceable animal-print dress...
Spencer
BOW NO SHE DI'INT.
Hanna, Aria
And THEN we get Aria dressed for a carefrontation in her best Xanadu Hooker outfit, and Hanna in what appears to be a super cute little frock...
Hanna
... that should be ARRESTED and BURNED AT THE STAKE for witchcraft. Not that I support ritualistic burnings. But that thing is committing some serious sartorial sorcery in making Ashley Benson look like ANYTHING but the tiny young thing she is. It's way too short -- Ashley is, in fact, tugging it down as she walks -- and it's hideous from the back, and I really think she should be questioning whether A secretly shrank all her clothes.
Spencer
This ALSO has an Eau d'Aria about it. I feel like Spencer is more skinny belts and ribbons and whatnot, much less whether she'd wear an electric purple undershirt.
Aria
Meanwhile, Aria is swanning around in a bunch of mixed patterns. I don't actually mind it, maybe, except that looks more like a tourniquet than a belt.
Emily
And then, Emily. At this moment, without meaning to spoil anyone but stop reading just in case you are really really really paranoid, she is thinking, "If I don't get out of here, I'm going to die in something that has shoulder windows." Honey, you have another A in your life. You should always plan better than that.