The Liars
Apparently, part of Emily's grieving process is making her bra public. Aria has traded hair extensions for a mullet-y skirt extension. And Hanna is clearly grappling with a brain freeze brought on by chugging a Slushie made of this show's plot twists.
Hanna
This top concerns me. It seems both incredibly unflattering, and extremely likely to slide down if at any point she has to run from a would-be assailant -- not something your average teen has to plan for, but remember, Hanna has one stalker in a mental ward and another one lurking out there with a really good data plan.
Hanna
It's a better idea with the blazer and the belt, but... are those shorts? Well, at least you CAN run in those.
Aria
If I'm not mistaken, Aria has two sentries standing guard at the place where her shirt opens. I hope they make Ezra stop and solve a riddle before he ventures inside.
Aria
I feel like Keira Knightley would've wanted to wear this, back in that era when she was in Pirates of the Caribbean, and she was running around London in bedsheets she belted across her chest.
The Liars
Meanwhile, Hanna's earrings are so long they might as well be hair extensions.
The Liars
I love that today Spencer is giving a little tip to Mr. Rogers. Aria is just renewing her commitment to getting the most awkward tan lines imaginable. And Hanna's shirt is a Seussian Rorschach test in which I see the judgmental face of The Lorax, because obviously, I feel guilty that I spend so much time pillaging trees to make all-purpose fabric.
Jenna
Jenna is all, " Bitch, please. I know my grandmother got lazy and didn't finish crocheting this sucker. I may be BLIND, but I still have hands."
The Liars
Aria and Hanna are so bright, they're practically an Old Navy commercial. Spencer had me until I saw her tulle shed down there. And Emily... look, she's GRIEVING, okay? Retail therapy isn't going to fix her dead girlfriend.
Aria
Of course Aria is wearing orthopedic clogs. What ELSE would she have on?
Hanna
I feel like this shirt is what Whitesnake groupies wore whenever they turned up pregnant.
Aria
This outfit was actually kind of great -- she was wearing it with some killer motorcycle books. This show REALLY knows its boots.
The Liars
Okay, now Spencer looks like she's about to break into "It's A Hard-Knock Life" and then tango with a string mop. Hanna is all bright and cute and on-trend. And Aria looks like she's in one of those ANTM challenges where she has to put on everything she can see in order to keep it.
Aria
Sometimes I feel like Hanna and Aria switch personalities. Here, it's a mix -- that's an Aria print, but a Hanna cut. It's Arianna. Or Hanaria.
Hanna
However, I love that jacket and wish it were mine. Apparently it's by Zara, though, and is sold out online, which means I'm out of luck because I can't get to an ACTUAL Zara anytime soon.
Hanna
This thing is bananas, though. It's terrible. Like when you are trying to re-use all those gift bags you've hoarded, but you have to pull out clumps of old tissue paper first.
Hanna and Aria
Seriously, I can't even focus on what Aria is wearing. I'm so distracted by whether Hanna is about to blow her nose into her own cleavage.
Hanna, Aria, and Sydney Andrews
Okay, I can focus a LITTLE on Aria. She appears to be wearing a colorized version of Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game" video. Speaking of, remember him? Why hasn't HE shown up as a mentor on one of the ten-thousand singing contests on TV?
Spencer
You slay me, Spencer. She looks good in everything.
Spencer
She ESPECIALLY looks good in this awesome shirt, but I am biased, as I own it. I bought it at Anthropologie, and I also wore it with skinny jeans, and it pleased me.
Hanna
Okay, seriously, what the hell is the weather like in Rosewood? One minute Hanna is in a nubbly blazer, and the next, she and the Brassiere Brigade are breaking into someone's apartment. If it's SO HOT that you need to show off your straps, are you really layering tights under a skirt, ARIA? Also, this is so unsubtle. "Hey, was anyone near my apartment recently?" "Can't say I recall -- well, nobody besides those lingerie urchins, obviously."
Aria
And to top it all off, she wore boots with their own flagella. They're a leather ode to organelles. And THANK YOU, ninth-grade biology. I FINALLY USED YOU.