Revenge on the Orient Express
Amanda is dead, but at least she saved this locket -- going back for it, in fact, is why she got blown up -- and now Emily is HAVING FEELINGS.
Revenge on the Nile
No one at the Graysons has feelings, which is part of the problem with this show. Well, Victoria might be feeling that it's hard to breath in her size-too-small sheath. Also, I might be having more feelings if I could remember how much they REALLY had to do with Amanda getting exploded. It was mostly One Tree Hill's fault, in a literal sense, but who even knows how it ties into that whole SNOOOOOOZE-y Dockside Renovation/Murder plot.
Appointment With Revenge
You know they killed off Helen Crawley and replaced her with this guy -- who Fug Friend Marissa calls The Poor Man's Crispin Glover -- just because, although we have no idea what is happening with the Initiative or Grayson Global AT ALL, at least he looks menacing.
And Then There Were Revenge
This was a scene where Nolan and Aidan literally recapped what was happening, plot-wise, with Grayson Global and Nolan's computer program and I STILL ZONED OUT. Can't they just blow up Grayson Global? Here's my suggestion: Nolan goes back to being the editor in chief of Popped Collars Quarterly and poor Padma goes off into the sunset to rescue her newly fingerless father off-camera. Grayson Global explodes and takes Conrad and Ashley with it (sorry, kids). Daniel is depressed and unemployed, then has a soap-y downward spiral wherein he ends up addicted to Mexican diet pills (because they're speedier than others). Aiden joins the circus and spends a lot of time in the background of scenes juggling household objects. Victoria starts running a brothel out of Grayson Manor to make money, and Charlotte falls down a well. Declan goes after her and discovers he can't get out either, and they stay there all season.
The Revenge Crack'd
"Hello. Literally none of us know what's happening in this plotline right now. We're all just smiling and nodding."
The Revenge in the Brown Suit
"Can YOU follow what's happening with us?"
"Something about the board of directors....?"
"Later, I'm going to get rid of that clock the Whatever is using to spy on me. That's all you really need to know about me. "
"Do I end up on the board of directors, or what?"
"I don't really care, do you?"
"Naw, bro."
Thirteen At Revenge
Ashley is really upset that Conrad had Amanda killed, which, if I recall correctly, is not EXACTLY the way things went down, but I seriously almost read a magazine WHILE I AM WRITING THIS, I am so bored by the overly convoluted plot machinations, so what do I know? Conrad probably has a contract out on ME and I don't even know. ANYWAY, Conrad is all, "WHY DON'T YOU QUIT IF I AM SUCH A MURDER-Y A-HOLE?" and Ashley is all like, "NEVER MIND SEE YOU LATER." Ashley is so dumb.
A Revenge In Three Acts
"The really important thing in this scene about your fingerless dad and my weird computer code that no one can even really remember is my sandwich, Padma. MY SANDWICH."
Revenge in Mesopotamia
OH, RIGHT. So they found Poor Dead Amanda's body and because Jack is all jacked up in the hospital, Poor Dumb Charlotte has to go identify Poor Dead Amanda's Poor Dead Body. She is distraught because it's been convenient for the purposes of the plot for her to be really really invested in Amanda's life over the past couple of months. I liked her better when she was a drug addict.
The Revenge in the Library
In the interest of fairness, the baby who plays Baby Carl is really REALLY cute.
A Revenge Is Announced
JACK IS UPSET. Actually, Nick Wechsler did a really great job this episode. It's a shame that they haven't given him anything good to tackle until now, when so many people are kind of over this show, and when his work is buried amid so much other blah blah blah.
Ordeal By Revenge
ACTING! Anyway, Conrad wants back Emily's Revenge Computer that she kept OUT AND ABOUT in her house so that Amanda could threaten him with it, but obvs no one knows where Amanda hid it. Jack didn't even know Amanda had any secrets until he broke some stuff in a Grief Hissy and found a key to a storage locker and then he went and got all kinds of incriminating and interesting items out of it. Also, Conrad is paying for all of Jack's medical bills and that's not suspicious or weird behavior for a man who HAS BEEN A MURDER SUSPECT. I think Conrad has forgotten that he has been associated with A LOT OF SHADY THINGS because he is really really really not subtle about...well, anything.
Revenge She Said
Shut up, Charlotte.
By the Pricking of My Revenge
Okay, so Charlotte is upset that not enough people are coming to Amanda's funeral, so she is tracking down all these people from (Emily's) past. And using something called HAMPSTERCONNECT. Which is amazingly terrible. Of course she tracks down a foster brother and now he's in town and he's going to Cause Problems and blah blah blah for a master Revenger, this sort of thing happens to Emily A LOT.
The Witness For The Revenge
Because you should totally have a press conference about a boat explosion in your small town, in front of the local depressing tavern, when you're running for GOVERNOR. PEOPLE TOTALLY DO THAT. What a brilliant idea, to be all, "hey guys! There was an explosion here THAT I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH and I just wanted to say that I feel really bad about this MYSTERIOUS EXPLOSION! Here's the dude whose wife exploded! JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THIS SUCKS FOR YOU VOTE FOR ME ME CONRAD GRAYSON WHO IS NOW ASSOCIATED WITH TWO DIFFERENT METHODS OF TRANSPORTATION BLOWING UP."
The Revenge Trap
Amanda's National Treasure, Locker of Secrets had all kinds of juicy info in it and now Jack knows that Amanda and Emily were in juvvie, which would have been an amazing reveal if I didn't already think he knew that. There is a whole lot of "BUT SHE TRULY LOVED YOU" from Emily, and once again, both these actors are great in this scene and it is a shame that they don't get this kind of material on the regular. VanCamp is always weird and robotic (in a bad way) when she's in Full Revenge Mode, but she is very good at the actual emotional stuff, and they need to mine that more often.
Three Revenge Mice
Even Nolan's pocket square is kind of stressed. It hates it when he and Daniel are at odds over something I didn't totally pay any attention to.
The Seven Revenge Mystery
So, Emily gave the eulogy for Amanda and it was all very moving. Poor Dead Amanda.
Double Revenge
"Do you guys think this is too much cleavage for a funeral? What if I told you it was a stripper's funeral?"
A Pocket Full of Revenge
Aiden got the Computer of Security Footage and Blackmail back for Emily and she throws it into the ocean and basically vows to go back to crossing people's faces off a picture again and the subtext is essentially, "please don't stop watching this show. We know we're a hot mess." REVENGE!