reveeeeeeeeeeeenge
This show CAN NOT resist the flashback opening. In this case, we visit 2008, where Emily and Aidan (aka AccentyMcLurker who killed The White Haired Man when he was trying to murder Emily) are taking part in the Tri-Wizard Tournament.
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Back in the now, Victoria is right where she belongs: lurking on her balcony wearing a negligee and drinking brandy and being mean to Daniel, who still hasn't gotten his mouth-breathing problem fixed. Nor HIS SUSPICIONS of Victoria, which I have to admit are well-founded.
Additionally, I am pretty disappointed to see that Victoria hasn't gone totally freaking nutjob over the fact that Daniel is DATING THE HELP. Especially ASHLEY, who is sincerely the worst.
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Remember the time Victoria got on that private plane in that AMAZING coat and it BLEW UP, but she lived -- and, presumably, so did her coat? Just checking.
According to Victoria, White Haired Man gave her a buzz to let her know that the plane was going to blow up and unless she gives him half of Charlotte's inheritance, Charlotte isn't going to need it because she will also be dead. Oh and he also demands to be allowed to kill Conrad? Daniel and I make the same face when we hear this story. Namely a face that says, "how is it possible that this show is already so freaking confusing and it's only season two?"
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While Victoria reminisces about coats of her past, Emily and Aidan have to deal with the dead body of the White Haired Man. She's pissed Aidan killed him before she could get any more information out of him about her mother; Aidan is kind enough not to point out that OMG THE WHITE HAIRED MAN WAS ABOUT TO MURDER HER SO HE ACTUALLY SAVED HER LIFE. Emily is kind of the worst sometimes.
Anyway, Emily steals WHM's phone, and Aidan steals a motel key from his pocket when her back is turned, and they have all kinds of banter about how this whole Search for Her Mother thing is a total distraction from her original plot to avenge her dad's death, and then she cracks him over the head with a wine bottle.
Obviously, they used to bang.
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Meanwhile, Declan has started ROBBING LOCAL HOUSES with that Preppy Dipshit he met last week, BECAUSE DECLAN IS THE DUMBEST PERSON ALIVE.
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I really wish this shot meant that Amanda had started drinking because she's a terrible person who has terrible secrets and she doesn't care about her baby, but she's really just smelling the booze and drinking milk because: BORING.
REVENGE
Also, is Jack growing a mustache like one of the Village People?
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The good news is that EVERYONE in this family looks FANTASTIC, including Ashley. The bad news is that they all seriously hate each other. Conrad Grayson has always been a shit, but over the summer hiatus it's like he turned into THE ACTUAL DEVIL. If I were Charlotte, I would be plotting how to kill BOTH her parents. But that would make Charlotte interesting. At least her red dress is charming.
Revenge
Yeah, Emily dumped Aidan's body into a trash compactor, but also put tickets to an Japan Air flight in his pocket. So, let's recap. In the span of like 1am-5am, she: cracked him over the gourd with a wine bottle, ran out to the airport, bought Japan Air tickets, had them placed in the Japan Air envelope you only get at the airport, came home from the airport to find him still unconscious, dragged his body out and threw it into a dumpster and then went home and relaxed and felt relieved that it just HAPPENED to be trash day. If she can do ALL that, WHY HASN'T SHE GOTTEN ANY REVENGE IN LIKE THREE WEEKS?
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Instead of going home to Japan, Aidan investigates WHM's motel. CENTRAL AIR! LET'S JUST MOVE IN HERE!!!!
Oh, actually, that just clues Aidan to look inside the unused AC wall unit, where he finds the black box recorder from Victoria's downed plane LIKE I AM SO SURE. This show has a very very dim view of the abilities of the authorities. The cops, the feds, the FAA, the FBI? None of them ever figure anything out or even show up anywhere. Can't we import FBI ARA from Ringer to look into some of this shit?
Revenge
Anyhoodle, it turns out that Jennifer Jason Leigh didn't just KNOW White Haired Man, SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM. THE PLOT ACTUALLY DOES THICKEN. (I thought that was a good development. AND it was nice to see her out of flashback mode, although I find it impressive that JJL is managing a motel right near the Hamptons and Emily is totally clueless about this. Is it me, or is Emily dumber this year?)
Also: how are we feeling about her face?
r?v?ng?
Blah blah Emily blah blah blackmail yadda yadda Jack blah blah blah. Essentially, Victoria told Emily that she's totally persona non grata at Grayson Manor, so Emily is using Amanda to get to them now, asking her to give Charlotte a doctored version of David Clarke's diary. I am starting to feel bad for Amanda, who ALSO seemed smarter last season. I also freely admit that I have no idea what is even really happening on this show all of a sudden.
Additionally, Emily's blue and white sweater is REALLY cute.
REVENGE
Nolan is still getting audited. It is still REMARKABLY snoozy. Padma here thinks he and Emily are dating; I assume it will be eventually revealed that that she is working for The Imitative, that shadowy organization I am ignoring because this shit is just too complicated already.
reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevenge
Thank god it's not a mustache. Also, Jack is obvs still in love with Emily, and I wish I could root for them to end up together but here's where we bump up against my big issue with this show lately: Emily is not particularly fun, sympathetic, or revenge-y this season, and it makes it hard to root for her, and therefore for them. Someone give that girl a B-12 shot.
REVENGE
Called it! Emily and Aidan were totally doing it during the Tri-Wizard Tournament, before he left town without her to search for his sister, kidnapped by the Initiative (??). He's just like a dreamily-accented Fox Mulder, and they're like the aliens, which is going to end badly for a LOT of people.
That being said, these two have good chemistry and I like him as a character. I just wish he and Emily and Nolan were having ADVENTURES rather than tense convos about SIM cards.
reeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvenge
Things certainly end badly for Nolan, because Aidan beats him up when he gets home. "Why does this keep happening to me?" Nolan wonders. Personally, I wonder why Nolan is only wearing one shirt and hardly has any plot at the moment. Does this show not get that Nolan is the break-out character here? Gabriel Mann is the only person having any fun. Give him something to do AND SOME CRAZY SHIT TO WEAR
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Ashley's green dress is great. And obviously a call-back to Victoria's green dress earlier, and thus a sartorial hint that Ashley wants to step into Victoria's shoes...and perhaps Conrad's pants.
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A subtle note slipped conveniently into Daniel's hands, prompting Daniel's usual measured and calm reaction, namely, "YOU BETRAYED ME, WHICHEVER MEMBER OF MY FAMILY I HAPPEN TO BE SPEAKING WITH AT THE MOMENT!!!!"
REVENGE
Hey, remember Declan? I forgot him as utterly as he forgot his ID. AT THE HOUSE HE WAS ROBBING. BECAUSE HE IS THE DUMBEST PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE. The victim says he won't press charges...but he will eventually come to them with a favor, which will obviously be of a fearsome and terrible nature and which I must admit I kind of hope might end up getting Declan killed.
reeeeeeeeeeeeevenge
Charlotte reads the diary that Amanda snuck her (on Emily's blackmail-y demands) in approximately five minutes -- speed-reading classes are the best part of rehab -- and races downstairs to announce to this journalist that her father was David Clark. Fans of Homeland will note that Victoria is wearing the same dress that Jessica Brody also wore in Sunday's episode, in which she too was unable to complete a social event in the manner she had anticipated.
REVENGE
"WE ALL HATE EACH OTHER!!!!!! FOR REASONS THAT AREN'T TOTALLY CLEAR RIGHT NOW BUT KIDNAPPING SOMETHING SOMETHING LIES PLANE CRASH OTHER PLANE CRASH SOMETHING SOMETHING CRAZY!!!!!!"
Also noteworthy: I dislike Charlotte's dress; Conrad Grayson has virtually started growling his lines; and this is the first scene in the entire series where Josh Bowman's American accent has slipped a bit. He is a bit of a mouth-breather, but his accent is remarkably smooth, in general. Plus, he is pretty cute.
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And this is why Jack breaks up with Amanda: she's palling around with the Graysons and ends us dragged on stage for a press conference with Victoria. He obviously doesn't know Emily blackmailed Amanda into staying for Victoria's press conference by threatening to tell him, Jack, that he is not the father of Amanda's baby. Although he actually is. Poor Amanda.
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This is going to end really well for everyone involved. Although I do think it is brilliant of the show to fold Amanda into the Grayson family. That is going to BLOW UP and it should be fun. Also, maybe poor Amanda will finally get a makeover.
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Emily tells Daniel that the only way to best his mother is to play her game better than she does. Which means he (rightly) begins handing out totally insincere hugs to people.
reVEnge
Meanwhile. Hot Aidan gives Emily the plane's black box, because I am sure Emily has the technology to access and decode those recordings, and the FAA is not at all on the lookout for them. Actually, now that I think about it, this MIGHT be the recording from the flight that her Dad was supposed to have blown up, NOT the one that Victoria was supposed to be on. That makes WAY more sense, right? I feel better now.
revenge
But Emily can't deal with it now, anyway. First, she has to listen to the lovey-dovey In Cahoots-y message her mother left for WHM whilst staring at her picture and wondering when Sydney Bristow is going to pop by for sandwiches. REVENGE.