A Man For All Revenge
Because when you are prepping for your wedding to the woman you hate (to protect you both from being compelled to testify against your spouse), and you live in a 60,000 square foot mansion, and you're getting married at an unidentified second location which is also enormous, you totally get fitted for the wedding at your office, and you totally do it with your son's girlfriend/family's personal assistant AND a random investor flarging around in the background.
Revenge and the Tramp
"Okay. So Mason Treadwell discovered that you don't have a scar where you are supposed to have a scar, so here's all the background on how I myself got rid of said scar, so we can all pretend that you're me some more, forever. Also, that shirt totally makes you look like you're pitting out."
Crouching Revenge, Hidden Revenge
"I just can't get enough of showing you guys this fantastic bathroom. Also of mooning over David Clarke. Also, lace."
Revenge on the Orient Express
"And I can't get enough of acting like a blank faced weirdo who is living with you against, seriously SERIOUSLY, all practical odds, spending all my time smelling things and having soap operatic flashbacks about how the White Haired Man and I were LOVAHS."
All The Revenge's Men
Meanwhile, remember how Aidan killed White Haired Man when White Haired Man was trying to kill Emily? I just assumed she had tossed the body into the ocean like a NORMAL MURDERER but of course Emily has a weird cold storage locker where she stores the bodies of everyone's she's killed just in case she needs them later.
Revenging the Stone
When Emily Thorne says she's put someone on ice, SHE MEANS IT.
The Sound of Revenge
Have you ever noticed that Daniel's sad little guest house gets the worst light? Open the shades, boo.
Anyway, Daniel is thinking (very very slowly as usual) about Grayson Global/NolCorp/His awful parents/SNOOZE while Ashley, the Girlfriend No One Wants And The Personal Assistant No One Deserves is trying on outfits for the wedding. "In the wrong light, [Victoria] will think I wore white to her wedding," she notes of this particular dress. You mean, in LIGHT AT ALL? That dress is white. OPEN THE SHADES, BOO.
All Quiet on the Revenge Front
"There we go. When your boyfriend's dad/boss remarries his mom/nemesis, it's best to look like you're going to a Halloween Salute to Disco."
Blazing Revenge
VanCamp deserves a round of applause for being able to wear this yellow without looking sickly -- this dress is quite fetching on her. And Emily Thorne deserves a round of applause for being able to have this Meaningful Conversation About How The Graysons Done Her Wrong with her mother without leaning over and fixing JJL's wonkus topknot.
Look Who's Talking: Revenge!!
Across town, Amanda and her very cute dress easily convince Mason Treadwell and his bow ties that she is, in fact, who she says she is. TOO EASILY I WAGER.
Enter the Revenge
Charlotte also decided to wear a very cute dress to tell her mother that she's going to go hang out with Declan instead of coming to her sham of a wedding. We're all so relieved that Victoria is back in a lacy peignoir to even notice that no one in this scene can really move her face.
Chasing Revenge
Speaking of not being able to move, Emily's powers of Revenge are such that she has the ability to take the FROZEN SOLID BODY of a full-sized dead man out of cold storage and then...bundle him into her Range Rover, I guess, and drive him out somewhere, and then set him up in an abandoned trailer she just happens to have sitting around, and then stage the entire scene, complete with dropping one of Conrad's cufflinks on scene to frame him, and then use a whole lot of boring yada yada to get Mason over there to find the body.
Beyond the Valley of Revenge
Obviously, Conrad gets Victoria a real fancy gun as a wedding gift. She and I both express surprise that he would get her something she could use to murder him.
The Joy Revenge Club
It DOES, however, coordinate rather fantastically with her grey Vera Wang wedding dress. For the bride who has everything, I suppose.
Revengeroads
I will say that Emily -- who came as Aidan's date to this sham of a wedding, to the delight of basically zero people -- looks great in this red dress.
Crazy, Stupid, Revenge
And she's brought the boobs out again, which must be a new network directive. Dear ABC: a good way to sex things up on a show is by casting actors who have chemistry with other actors and then writing storylines where they hook up, instead of just moving characters around into totally unearned relationships like chess pieces.
PS: Nolan, I still love you. I have big hopes that the rumor that Jason Dohring has been cast as a new love interest for you are true. You look terrific.
Cloudy With a Chance of Revenge
Especially because you're currently dating a girl who matches her eye shadow to her dress.
Revenge in Love
No one cares what is happening over at the bar, right? That's what I thought. How about Jack's haircut? Do we care about that? A little? Fair enough.
Revenge in Manhattan
So, Padma swears that she didn't mean to kick off any kind of shenanigans with Grayson Global vis a vis the origins of NolCorp, but I can't believe she and Nolan are even talking about THAT given that CONRAD JUST GOT ARRESTED FOR MURDER AT HIS OWN WEDDING.
The Talented Mr Revenge
SEE? If it's on the Hamptons Helpful News Station That's All Grayson All The Time, it really happened.
In Cold Revenge
I'm sure you can imagine how noted village crackpot Jennifer Jason Leigh took this news, not least because we learned in one of her interminable flashbacks that the whole Victoria Thing was supposed to be White Haired Man's last job. How is it that we're in 2012, and people still don't get that they should NEVER announce that it's their last day as cop/last go round as a criminal? You might as well just take poison.
Royal Revenge
Did you forget The Initiative existed again? Me too. Anyway, they get Conrad out of jail, but promise that he owes them one and he is NOT going to like what it that turns out to be, and you know Ms Initiative is telling the the truth because her hair is in a bun.
Cat on a Hot Tin Revenge
Yeah, so Charlotte and Declan are sucking face again. I can only hope this plotline culminates in them getting shot into space somehow. The show, by the way, hasn't really earned their reunion but I can't stand either one of them, so I don't care. FAST FORWARD.
She's The Revenge
Victoria, wearing her best My Husband Got Arrested For Murder At Our Wedding And I've Never Been Happier nightie, is perhaps finally regretting letting a lunatic who she sort of had committed move in with her, or at the very least, is regretting NEVER LOCKING HER BEDROOM DOOR. As you can imagine, it's been a rough night for Victoria. Mason Treadwell --who also has a REALLY EASY time getting inside Grayson Manor to threaten everyone, considering what a persona non grata he is with them -- is doing a lot of foaming at the mouth about ruining her, and now Crazyface is all worked up because Grayson "killed" her sweet baboo.
My Cousin Revenge
Oh, right: Haircut proposed to Amanda. She said yes. This will end well.
On Her Majesty's Secret Revenge
The fact that Victoria did NOT shoot Conrad when he got home from jail is a huge failure on the part of this show, which really needs more sex and shootings.
Revenge Balls
It is also a show that is firmly determined to have nearly every scene happen in complete darkness despite the fact that it's set at the beach in the summer. That being said, I actually kind of like these two together. Is that just because I am so desperate to have a power couple on this show?
Some Like It Revenge
I must say, I ALSO like that Mason Treadwell has a giant Carrie Matheson-like Wall of Conspiracy Crazy in this house. AND that I think he has FINALLY cracked Amanda/Emily. I might be Team Treadwell, you guys. His ties are so jaunty. REVENGE!