I Revenge It That Way

Victoria looks pretty great this episode. I love this dress on her.

Backstreet's Revenge

This is Nolan's Concerned Professor costume.

Bye Revenge Bye

I have no idea if these two hate or love each other, but this space is AMAZING. So at least there's that.

It's Gonna Be Revenge

Okay, can we talk about this? WHY did ABC hire Morgan Fairchild for ONE LINE? Unless she just loves Revenge and asked them for a cameo. Which I sort of love. But come on, give us more than one line from The Fairchild. Can't she throw a drink in someone's face?

Show Me The Meaning of Being Revenge

Can we talk about Margaux's necklace? It's fabulous with this dress. I want her to take her great haircut and awesome wardrobe and save herself. GET OUT OF TOWN, MARGAUX.

Quit Playing Revenge With My Heart

At least Emily VanCamp looks amazing this week; this dress is divine on her. My question is this: does Emily not think it looks suspicious to EVERYONE that she, after having been divorced with extreme prejudice and having been revealed as a person who FAKED A PREGNANCY TO GET SOMEONE TO MARRY HER, has stayed in the Hamptons and not skulked out of town? Additionally: now that Daniel knows the pregnancy was a fake and he's out of his marriage, if he is all in love with Sarah The Spineless PieMaker, why hasn't he called her and said, "Emily and I are over; I love you, let's make this work?" I mean, I don't CARE because Daniel is boring and Sarah is whatever, but in terms of plot....come on.

God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on Revenge

Nolan's new best friend from the joint, NoOne WhoCares has started making an App to... I don't even know. Find his soulmate or some shit. And of course it's Charlotte, because it's entirely possible that she is an android.

Tearing Up My Revenge

I enjoy this skirt on Victoria.

Shape of My Revenge

And I likewise love this ring on Margaux. Her accessories game is ON POINT.

Revenge I Promise You

All that being said: WTF is happening with Stevie's Baby Tie? This is hideous and crazy and weird.

Music of My Revenge

Additionally, we need to talk about THIS. Margaux, predictably, looks sleek as hell, and Daniel looks LIKE A COMPLETE DOUCHE. I kind of hate Emily, but I REALLY hate Daniel -- the show has seemed to forget that he did TRY TO MURDER HER -- and anytime he shows up places looking like a jerky sweaty jackass, I enjoy it and think it's funny.

As Long As You Revenge Me

I will also note that Emily looks stellar in this amazing red dress and Nolan's jacket is covered in (possibly painted?) flowers, and they look really kind of fabulous. The writing in this season has been SO all over the place, but the costume department killed this party scene.

Larger Than Revenge

Victoria, for example, has gone FULL American Hustle and I love it.

Revenge Call

"Hello. We're the scenes you're going to fast-forward through, nice to meet you." REVENGE!

Fug the Show: Revenge Recap, Season 3, Episode 17

Note: Do I even know what's happening in this show anymore? NOT REALLY. And that's why I'm going to keep the actual recap so very short: 1) Olivier Martinez used to date Victoria and he had something to do with Aidan's father's role in the whole David Clarke thing because every human on the face of the earth is connected to this. (PS Aidan's back because why not.) Emily does a LOT of desperate stuff to try to get on his good side -- throwing a giant party for his charity and putting it on Daniel's black AmEx (that part was kind of great), skulking around in tight dresses -- and I am not really sure why she even needs to be on his good side? Regardless, Olivier Martinez is ride or die for Victoria Grayson (aren't we all) and does not fall for any of Emily's actually really patently obvious attempts to....do whatever she thinks having him on her side will accomplish. And he and Victoria hook up, to which I say: GOOD FOR YOU, VICKY. 2) Daniel: no one cares. 3) Charlotte: NO ONE CARES. 4) Nolan: You will soon see. 5) Margaux and Jack: Margaux continues to be the best person on this show, with the best outfits and the best accessories, all of which you will see in the slideshow. She gets offered a job in Rome and is all kind of Lauren Conrad about it because she doesn't want to leave Jack and Jack is all, "don't be cray," and I am all, "SELL THAT CURSED BAR AND MOVE TO ROME WITH HER YOU IDIOT." Nolan will visit and everyone else SUCKS. Arrivederci, you beautiful fools! 6) Conrad is either still in love with Stevie, who wears something TERRIBLE that I can't wait to show you, or is in total asshat mode, but he talks her into giving back the deed to Grayson Manor, which is real dum on Stevie's part. I am also really sad that I didn't get to see poor Victoria living in an Oakwoods long-term rental situation and plotting her revenge. To the outfits!