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# Fug the Show: Revenge, episode 3-12 recap
- URL: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-revenge-season-3-episode-12/
- Published: 2014-01-16T20:00:15.000Z
- Updated: 2014-02-17T02:26:30.000Z
- Author: Jessica  
- Tags: #wp, #wp-gallery, #slideshow, #Import 2026-10-07 07:37

## The Last Revenge

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/img_4634.xml)

Nolan had to sneak into see Emily disguised as a candy striper, and this outfit is obviously extremely subtle and no one at the hospital would think, "why is the library cart being manned by a dude who's three companions short of a barbershop quartet?" This is also the scene where I noticed that Emily VanCamp's upper lip never moves and it's SO DISTRACTING. Anyway, Emily is all like, "I'M OUT OF THE REVENGE GAME" and then ABC just cut to a repeat of *Dancing With the Stars*. See you guys later! It's been fun.

## Mona Revenge

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/img_4636.xml)

Sadly, in reality, the show keeps marching on. Aidan asks This Chick From The Melrose Place Reboot - her name her is Nico -- to sneak Emily out and BLAH BLAH BLAH, let's cut to the chase: She's Takeda's daughter, she was in love with Aidan, she's not that thrilled he and Emily got engaged and he didn't tell her, she's avenging her own father's death, she has no idea Aidan killed him with a samurai sword. The end!

## The Baptism of Revenge

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/img_4638.xml)

Daniel pops over to check on Sara, who claims she didn't REALLY try to kill herself -- especially not over him -- she just got really drunk in the bath and almost drowned. Josh Bowman's accent is INSANE in this scene. He sounds like he's doing a Rocky impression. Then, awesomely, Jack shows up --- Jack, of course, being one of the few people who know that Daniel SHOT EMILY AND TRIED TO KILL HER, about which Daniel is REALLY not remorseful, like, AT ALL -- and so he decks him, real hard and tells him to get the hell out of the bar. It was great. I'd watch a show of just Jack punching people. (Also, of [Just Jack! punching people](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9J23AqxV2s&ref=go-fug-yourself.ghost.io).)

## The Adoration of the Revenge

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/img_4644.xml)

In which we learn Emily's pretending not to remember who shot her, but the doctor is sure she will. Nico talks Victoria into being her home health nurse as Vix takes Emily back to Grayson Manor to recuperate because why would anyone in the Hamptons ever check any references ever? Emily's not stoked that Victoria is basically holding her hostage -- as is Victoria's wont, given that she did this to Lydia, too -- but while she's there, Nico basically tells Emily the story of her life and Emily makes a LOT of suspicious doubtful faces.

Daniel is not thrilled that they're holding Emily "captive," but Victoria wisely points out that how else are they supposed to contain the story when she remembers HE SHOT HER. GOD DANIEL. YOU'RE SO DUMB. You're not brave enough to confess but you're not smart enough to keep this shit locked down.

## Revenge of the Rocks

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/img_4649.xml)

In which Patrick offers to go undercover at Nolan's to steal Emily's Big Box of Revenge, and then gets pretty mad that he had to give up his relationship with Nolan to protect Daniel -- then why are you trying to help? -- and he's all, "you'll choose your blood over your bastard!" and Victoria SLAPS HIM! And then she's all, "ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO PROTECT YOU AND THAT'S WHY YOU CANNOT BE INVOLVED!!!!" and then he sort of storms out and Victoria looks pained. Oh, Victoria. Can't you just steal Conrad's gold bars and run off to the Caymens and be happy?

## Revenge with an Ermine

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/img_4653.xml)

In which Patrick talks Nolan into letting him come over to steal The Big Box of Revenge by noting that he thinks his mom is a bitch and she slapped him and he's sorry and blah blah everyone here is playing both sides.

## The Revenge of the Yarnwinder

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/img_4654.xml)

In which Emily acts maternal for the first time in three seasons so that it seems like a bigger deal when we find out later that the shooting means she'll never be able to have children. I mean, of course that IS a big deal even if you never thought you wanted children but having her cuddle a baby and stroke a stuffed puppy is kinda on the nose.

## Revenge of a Woman

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/img_4658.xml)

In which Nico lurks around eavesdropping and hears as Victoria basically screams, "OH PATRICK BE CAREFUL STEALING THAT MYSTERIOUS BOX THAT BELONGS TO EMILY FROM OUT OF THAT WALL SAFE THAT NOLAN ROSS HAS IN HIS DINING ROOM AT HIS HOME AT 123 YEMEN ROAD, THE HAMPTONS."

Nico then has to go into Emily's room and literally punch her in the stomach to try to convince her not to give up on her Revenging and Emily is all, "whatever," and Nico is all "whatever, then," and storms out.

## Revenge and the Angel

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/img_4662.xml)

Emily is really upset that she can't have biological children, and I would also be upset that my doctor didn't tell me this in person before discharging me from the hospital so that I could ask questions of a medical professional rather than hearing it from VICTORIA. Also, we are totally going to get into this whole thing with Aidan where she breaks up with him because they can't have babies and that always makes me insane. It's a total soap opera move and it's frustrating. Generally, people don't say, "I CAN'T BE WITH YOU BECAUSE I CAN NEVER GIVE YOU CHILDREN!!!!!!" and storm off with no discussion, but instead they cry and then they talk about it and figure out how they're going to handle this road bump, because they're a team and they love each other and there are lots of ways to make a family. Unless you're marrying Henry VIII, I guess.

Also, ten bucks says Victoria's lying and this stupid show is going to actually make Emily pregnant.

## Portrait of a Revenge in Profile

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/img_4666.xml)

Nolan wears green pants and a Hawaiian shirt for a scene where he pretends to be drunk with Patrick and then accidentally sloshes his drink on Patrick and Patrick realizes it's actually water.

## Revenge of a Young Fiancee

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/img_4668.xml)

And so Patrick cracks him over the head with a log. This episode WAS deliciously violent.

## The Battle of Revenge

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/img_4671.xml)

So Patrick brings Victoria the box and she reads its contents and honestly I was REALLY hoping that Vicky had pulled this whole thing off. Wouldn't it be great if Victoria actually WON? But she didn't. There was a walkie talkie hidden inside the stuffed puppy Jack gave Emily and she had Nolan swap out the real Big Box of Secrets for a Fake Box of Secrets that just makes her look like a social climber who's been aiming to marry money for years. SO MANY THOUGHTS, including the fact that considering that Emily is talking in normal tones into her stuffed animal, she might as well have just called Nolan on the phone like a normal person.

## Revenge of the Carnation

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/img_4674.xml)

Daniel is really the worst. Now he's saying that he can't divorce Emily -- despite the fact that she committed fraud to marry him by lying that she was pregnant -- because it will LOOK BAD and people might WONDER if he was a murderer. NEWSFLASH DIPSHIT: Anyone who has ever watched *Dateline* is already pretty sure you did it.

## St Revenge in the Wilderness

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/img_4679.xml)

Jack brings Margaux breakfast before work because the truth is that Jack is pretty great. If I were cleaning house on this show, they BOTH could stay. He takes a look at the magazine, and sees a Daniel-prompted article about how Lydia is a murderer and he is all, "DANIEL TALKED YOU INTO THIS RIGHT? DID YOU THINK ABOUT WHY?!?!!!!" and points out that if it comes out that Daniel used *Voulez!* to cover up his attempted murder, Margaux's career is also going to be dead. And then he just flat out tells M that Daniel is the shooter, and that he knows this because Emily told him.

I just want to know why Daniel thought that a gossipy finger-pointing article in a magazine that hasn't even published one issue would, say, throw THE POLICE off the scent of him being the shooter, should they get on it. Anyway, this all gives Margaux pause. Getting into business with Daniel is not working out so well for her.

## The Conversion of Revenge

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/img_4683.xml)

Daniel, upset, to Conrad: "Margaux's pressing pause on publishing!!!"

Conrad, paraphrased: SUCKS TO BE YOU, MORON.

## The Genius of Revenge

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/img_4686.xml)

Then Emily calls a press conference and gives a Very Brave Speech saying she remembers who shot her and IT'S LYDIA and she and Daniel are offering a ten million dollar reward for her capture. Daniel's face is a study in WTF. Victoria's is a study in, "INTERESTING."

## Awakening Revenge

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/img_4689.xml)

So Emily goes over to her house with this servant who FINALLY GETS A LINE, who she sends upstairs to get her stuff.

## Rebellious Revenge

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/img_4692.xml)

...and then, WHILE A SERVANT IS INSIDE AND STANDING ON A PORCH THAT WE KNOW IS TOTALLY VISIBLE FROM GRAYSON MANOR, THESE TWO YAP IT UP AND THEN MAKE OUT. I can't even anymore. She also breaks it off with him, due to the not-being-able-to-have-babies thing, I guess, although he is totally NOT AT ALL DISTRAUGHT ABOUT IT other than in a reasonable "this is sad but we will power through it, baby, because we have each other," kind of way. But he IS upset that she's all, "WELL I GUESS THIS IS MY LIFE NOW LOVELESS MARRIAGE ETC SEE YA" but the good news is that makes it easier for him to make out with Nico in the next scene while thinking about how he stabbed her Dad with a sword. It's really all just like Hamlet.

## Standing Revenge

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/img_4695.xml)

Margaux is pissed that she missed her publishing deadline when she was right -- she thinks, per Emily's presser -- about Lydia. But not that pissed; she tells Jack that Emily must have been delirious and sends her assistant to take the magazine to print. But said assistant (I think; might be the printer) meets mysteriously with Conrad and takes money in exchange for giving him the magazine.

## Revenge of the Stairs

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/img_4698.xml)

This jumpsuit is what Nico should be getting revenge upon. Instead, she's still all worked up about her father -- which is fair enough -- and vowing revenge for him. And so Aidan makes out with her to shut her up. Do we think ABC is hoping to transition OUT of Emily and INTO Nico, in a *American Horror Story* kind of serialized way?

## The Dream of Human Revenge

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/img_4703.xml)

Regardless, this final scene was actually great. First of all, Victoria has a new wing chair. Second, Emily is all, "we all know that walking bag of cotton balls you call Daniel is the one who tried to kill me, but I am willing to cover that up because I LOVE HIM." And Daniel is like, "...YOU ARE INSANE." And Emily is like, "well, I can always retract my statement about Lydia....but I won't." She literally says to Victoria, "I love your son and I like the lifestyle." And then Daniel is all, "WHAT" and Victoria is all, "I've endured 25 years in a loveless marriage, you two will figure things out," and then she exits and BOOM, Daniel and Emily are the new Conrad and Victoria. Several things:

a) This scene was the best directed and most satisfying one on this show in a long time. Emily VanCamp was excellent in it.

b) DANIEL. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FILE FOR DIVORCE IF YOU WANT TO. THIS IS SO CONTRIVED. I get that she's holding his attempt to murder her over his head to keep him in the marriage, but they have no proof of that and you couldn't really make a case. Although Daniel HAS tried to murder people before, allegedly, so....oh, fine. REVENGE!

[Fug the Show: Revenge, episode 3-12 recapThis show is frustrating. There are moments in it which are genuinely juicy and effective, it's just that they're surrounded by OTHER moments that are so dumb they make my face hurt.![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/img_4634.xml)](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-revenge-season-3-episode-12-01-2014/)