Revenge.

You know Jack's depressed because he's wearing sweats. You know he's muscular because you have eyes.

Re!Venge.

Nothing says, "I'm thrilled my mouth-breathing son is marrying a possible gold-digger" like a dress that appears it have been bled on.

revenge????

It turns out Emily has been stalking Daniel since he was at Harvard. Isn't she a MASTER OF DISGUISE?

REVENGE

Victoria, I admire your devotion to the Body Conscious Dress, but if we can see your navel, YER DRESS IS TOO TIGHT.

Evenge-Ray

Do we think Ashley is matching her outfits to Conrad Grayson's ties as a way to make him believe, subconsciously, that she's On Their Team, despite the fact that EVERY THING SHE WORKS ON turns to total disaster, up to and including a party where everyone WAS THREATENED AT GUNPOINT?

Revanche!

Here we are at Emily and Daniel's Engagement Dinner, at which it was revealed that Boring Charlotte is actually Not A Grayson. Not to be confused with their Engagement Party, where Daniel - WHOOPSIE! - shot his psychotic bestie. It was almost impossible to get a complete shot of Emily's dress, which is gorgeous.

Venganza!

This color is divine.

REWANYEGAY

Her dress looks so tweedy and weird here. Trust me: it was like a delectable fabric basket. Huh, that still sounds terrible. Well, it was good. BELIEVE.

REVENGE.

Victoria spends A LOT of time in a negligee, drinking. She has a seemingly endless supply of Drinking Gowns. I guess when you're richer than God, there's room in the budget for EVERYTHING.

revenge!!!!

Are super hot-pants really professional when you're a social climbing press rep/personal assistant/party-planner/what the hell is Ashley's ACTUAL job?

RE: venge.

For someone whose life is plunging into Courtney Love territory, Charlotte's dress, at least, is very pretty. Too bad she's still kind of boring. I believe I requested that she get a drug addiction, though. I can't wait for the episode wherein my wish that she accidentally get trapped down a well is granted.

Revenge?

This lace top is also really pretty great.

REV.ENGE.

Nothing says "I'm about to try to murder my best friend, after telling him all about his Fiancee's Poorly Hidden Box of Revenge" like putting on dress whites in a barn.

REVENNNNGGGE.

Is calling your official Engagement Party a "Fire and Ice Ball" just asking for trouble, in the forms of people catching on fire and/or burning each other out? You know, metaphorically? At least...probably metaphorically. Regardless: Victoria looks great, again.

REVENGE!

As does Emily. I would like to high-five Nolan for that hilarious red blazer -- and his impeccable side-eye.

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEvenge.

Post-murder. Charlotte is all, "I know I just discovered my brother unconscious next to the dead body of his best friend, but can we just talk about how inspirational Gywneth's cape was at the Oscars???!!!"

<i>Revenge!</i>

And Daniel is all, "this is seriously the MOST RIDICULOUS LOOKING HEAD WOUND ON ALL OF TV."

<b>Revenge</b>

And Emily is all, "isn't this green screen TERRIBLE?"

reVENGE

"But this dress is great. It turns out the Little Black Dress DOES work for everything, including meeting my fiance's defense attorney!"

REvenGE

At least Charlotte's raging Oxy addiction hasn't yet impacted her taste in sundresses.

ReVeNgE

"NO! Don't look at me! My sensible Arraignment Pants are HIDEOUS!"

R3v3ng3

I'd like to continue showering blessings on Nolan, this time for dressing like an Easter Egg. Spring HAS sprung!

Venge-re.

Seriously. Let's talk about this. If your Personal Assistant/Party Planner has not yet thrown you a successful event, do you REALLY TRUST HER to be your family's mouthpiece when your son is on trial for MURDER? BECAUSE I WOULD NOT. She can't even insure that your beach party's music remains unmolested!

REVEEEEENGE

"HAHAHAHAHAHA OH VICTORIA. Thank GOD you invested in all those drinking peignoirs because WE ARE F'ED."

Fug the Show: Revenge

Yeah, I got REALLY behind on this, as Fashion Week, and then the Oscars ENACTED THEIR REVENGE UPON ME by making me too busy to watch Revenge for like three weeks. BUT THE FINAL REVENGE IS MINE, because I managed to get this done before the new episode on Wednesday [which it turns out doesn't exist]. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Your move, show. YOUR MOVE [you win again, you magnificent bastard!]. Oh, right, the plot: who even knows? People are getting revenge upon others. There were a series of REALLY disastrous parties. Boring Charlotte found out that she's the child of An Accused Terrorist and promptly developed a raging Oxy addiction. We learn the Graysons were laundering money for the actual terrorists. Daniel is charged with murdering Crazy Tyler -- who was really trying to murder him, whilst telling him all kinds of Damning Information about Emily, so...you know, at the least that's self-defense -- and sent to Rikers. He also may be occasionally pretending to have amnesia which is basically my favorite idea since Nathan on One Tree Hill had Situational Paralysis. (In actuality, Daniel shot Tyler, then Emily's Ninja Master come along and cracked him on the back of the head and then ACTUALLY did the real murdering.) A variety of people were dumb enough to talk to the police without lawyers. Nolan finds out that Ashley is THE WORST PR PERSON EVER, in that she's leaking negative stories about the Graysons to the press. Emily continues to leave her door unlocked despite the fact that her house is FULL of weapons/evidence that proves she's Out for Revenge. Collars were popped. Meaningful Glances were exchanged. OUTFITS WERE WORN!