> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Fug the Show: Ringer - URL: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-ringer/ - Published: 2012-03-09T18:00:31.000Z - Updated: 2012-03-09T07:05:33.000Z - Author: Heather - Tags: #wp, #wp-gallery, #slideshow, #Import 2026-10-07 07:30 ## Rich Twin ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/bf/b9/bfb99790-924d-4e41-a7e6-5e3c6e04fe57/content/images/static-gofugyourself-com/uploads/2012/03/img_0045-800x533.jpg) We begin the episode in Paris with Rich Twin, doing nefarious digging into nefarious doings and nefariously cradling her nefariously gestating belly, as Satan's butler pull nefariously tickles her bump. ## Jamie Martin ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0047-800x533.jpg) Jamie shows up with flowers, because he's a dope. Seriously, this lady slept with you like four times, got pregnant, has a husband who is your boss, uses an assumed name, and keeps asking you to do things for her without telling you why... and you're pretty sure you're going to end up together? Oh, child. The scent of those flowers must be masking the stench of Psychological Thriller that is commingled with Rich Twin's pheromones. ## Poor Twin and Ioan ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0053-800x533.jpg) Poor Twin's cardigan has seen happier days, as Ioan admits the Fonzie scheme was entirely his idea, and it came about just because they were trying to recover from investor skittishness and the market crash, but now they're in too deep. He begs forgiveness and hints that Rich Twin had already confronted him about this, and Poor Twin is all, "Aaaayyyyy," and flees on her metaphorical motorcycle of doubt. ## Rich Twin ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0059-800x533.jpg) In Paris, Rich Twin wakes up wearing a lot of blush and realizes Jamie Martin has stolen all the evidence they'd compiled against Ioan. He left a note saying "PS. YOU'RE AN IDIOT." No, okay, he said he was doing it for their family, and ran off and called his SEC source. But he really should hire Andrea Roth to ghostwrite all his correspondence, because it'd be so much more moving. ## Poor Twin and Malcolm ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0062_SMG-513x302.jpg) Poor Twin gets all uppity about how everything in the penthouse came from TAINTED MONEY shooting out of the Fonzie scheme jukebox, including the makeup she used to make the entire lower half of her face match her blouse. Malcolm wonders if Rich Twin was afraid of Ioan hurting her, and Poor Twin balks and essentially says that just because her shirt is the color of Bazooka Joe, it doesn't mean he can blow her bubble. In sum: She tells him to buzz off while Malcolm looks hotly concerned that she has lost her mind. ## FBI Agent Richard Alpert ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0067-800x533.jpg) Our man FBI ARA has been busted down to some FBI outpost that's investigating Very Bad Man, but he has to report to the kind of agent you see in an episode of *Murder, She Wrote*: inept, and determined to take the easy way out rather than believe in Jessica Fletcher's cockamamie crime-solving methods. This of course makes FBI ARA the Angela Lansbury of the scenario, and I think he would support that. ## Poor Twin ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0072-800x533.jpg) FBI ARA, in remembering how important this case was to him, flashes back to a night at the strip club. Poor Twin is wriggling around in the world's most modest attire, but lest you think we're going to see pole-dancing SMG, she is only shot from the waist up and has only three stripper flashback lines. Conclude whatever you wish. I would suggest also that Harry's Fun Room is a really dumb name for a strip club, but actually, it's brilliantly accurate in its simplicity. It probably is a fun room, whereas Spearmint Rhino surely has no minty odd-toed ungulates, Jumbo's Clown Room has no supersized circus performers, and I'm pretty sure Cheetahs is without jungle cats (although Crazy Girls may be as true as it gets). ## FBI Agent Richard "Jessica Fletcher" Alpert ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0078-800x533.jpg) Our man wears this goofy grin on this face the whole time. But he's not just ogling Poor Twin's false eyelashes; he is there to meet his informant, a lovely lady stripper who we know will end up dead, because hers is the murder Poor Twin witnessed. However, the highlight of the scene is Poor Twin's come-on to FBI AR"JF"A: "Has anyone ever told you that you have nice eyes?" He's all, "Yes, every time I agelessly move through time and space, and especially on Prime Rib night at the Cabot Cove Yacht Club, but thanks." ## Henry Drama-Sack ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0081-800x533.jpg) Malcolm, figuring Henry Sad-Sack must have known whatever Rich Twin knew, goes to HSS to ask him to intervene with "Rich Twin." He wants Henry to beg her to leave Ioan in case her life is in danger. Henry Melodramatic-Sack does a lot of flapping about how their affair is over, blah blah blah, but he manages to feign enough concern to get Malcolm out of the house. But why? He's so pretty. And it's not like his Robo Kids are any much fun. ## Olivia and Ioan ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0084-800x533.jpg) While Ioan and Olivia have a hushed conversation about how Mr. C's garage apartment is not big enough to hold all the deep shit in which their Fonzie scheme has put them, she wears a dress that's so tight it's basically like she had her skin replaced with purple satin. Perhaps if her clothes weren't cutting off her circulation, they'd have been able to sort this out. It's hard to stay on top of things when you can't GET on top of them in the first place because your legs don't move. ## Poor Twin ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0087-800x533.jpg) Poor Twin can't be feeling TOO bad about all this, seeing as she's flaunting her ill-gotten wardrobe all over town. That coat is amazing. I guess she might as well enjoy it before everything gets seized, no? Anyway, she pops by to discuss things with Ioan, but overhears Olivia telling him that Jamie Martin is the Paris mole, and Ioan's response that they need to Keep Him Quiet At All Costs. So now Poor Twin is all, "Aaaayyyyyy," again, because we are almost out of Fonzie references. ## Ioan ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0088_IOAN-420x548.jpg) I mean, really, Poor Twin. Is THIS the face of a deranged lady-murdering beast? ... Okay, fine, I see your point, but personally I think it's just the face of a man who would murder you... in a staring contest. ## Poor Twin ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0112-800x533.jpg) Anyway, Poor Twin decides to pack her bag and stuff her pants into some booties again -- I think she is allergic to the feeling of air rushing up her trouser legs, because she's always got 'em tucked into an ankle boot -- and flee. ## Ioan ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0117_IOAN-630x776.jpg) And Ioan is like, "Whaaaaat, noooooo, I didn't MEAN to, and I LOVE you, and YOU ARE IN THIS AS DEEP AS I AM, MISS BIG SPENDER," and basically milks his gruffudder like the bovine emotion factory it is. ## Rich Twin ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0129-800x533.jpg) Rich Twin finds out that Jamie Martin has been ordered back to Ioan's company HQ in New York, so she orders Henry Spy-Sack to a) steal the proof back from him, and b) keep him from running into Poor Twin. Since she hadn't planned on this twist of fate, she hadn't properly dressed for it, so we don't get to see what one wears to palm Henry's sad sack and twist it into a croissant. ## FBI AJF ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0131-800x533.jpg) Meanwhile, FBI Agent Jessica Fletcher is, of course, in love with Doomed Stripper. And he wants her to quit. And she's like, "Okay, but after ONE LAST NIGHT." I would have respected him a lot more if he'd said, "No, there is no 'one last night,' because that is when strippers become dead," but he doesn't, and so she becomes dead. ## Ioan ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0145_IOAN-630x570.jpg) So basically, by now, Ioan is pretty sure this Fonzie scheme is going to come over to his house with a vat of Brylcreem and a comb and rumble with his life. I think this is when Olivia tells him that Malcolm got a bunch of information off his computer, including the algorithm of sin, and a bunch of other boring business-related harbingers of gruff and dduff. ## Malcolm ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0153-800x533.jpg) Malcolm is busy flexing at home when he gets a phone call. Stupid phone call. DON'T INTERRUPT THE BICEPS. ## Rich Twin ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0155-800x533.jpg) In a bold move, Rich Twin calls Malcolm, pretends to be Poor Twin, and reads him the riot act for going to Henry behind her back. She so thoroughly verbally smacks him down that, clearly, she's banking on him never talking to Poor Twin again to realize that this wasn't her. And she's doing it all RIGHT before she's married off to the Prophet on some Parisian polygamist compound. So thoughtful of her. ## Poor Twin ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0162-800x533.jpg) Poor Twin figures out where Jamie Martin is staying, so she throws on her best tarp and goes to find him, presumably figuring that it will keep his bitter spittle from tainting all her clothes. Which are already tainted, since they were bought with blood money, but whatever. Poor Twin isn't very good at things. ## Henry Tongue-Sack ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0170-800x533.jpg) Henry apparently isn't very good at things, either, as his surprise smooch of Poor Twin does nothing except frighten her away from all meats and sushi for the rest of her days, or until she gets her hands on some mouthwash. Henry sweeps her into the kiss to keep her from revealing herself to Jamie, and pretends he thought she was there to rekindle their affair at one of their favorite spots. She's like, "Ew, gross, thank God I am wearing this tarp to protect me from your salivary glands," and flees. ## Poor Twin ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0176-800x533.jpg) Yep, still a tarp. But an empire waisted one, just in case, you know, anything needs concealing. Just saying. ## Olivia and Jamie ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0177-800x533.jpg) Since Henry Sad-Sack chose to intercept Poor Twin instead of Jamie, he gets into a car with Olivia and allows her to threaten him into giving up all the evidence. Well, almost all: He gazes at a flash drive in his briefcase, which is there unbeknownst to her but knownst to the rest of us, and opts against giving it to her. I am just positive that the loving closeup of this device was only illustrative and that we shall never see it again. ## FBI Agent Richica Fletchpert ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0185-800x533.jpg) FBI ARF deploys his cheekbones while trying to outfox his lame superior, then flashes back to when he learned Doomed Stripper was four weeks pregnant with his Fletchling when she died. ## FBI Agent Jessichard Alpecher ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0191-800x533.jpg) FBI AJA's cheekbones were SO UPSET. Even his eyelashes look depressed. ## Ioan ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0192-800x533.jpg) Meanwhile, Ioan has learned that Poor Twin sniffed out Jamie Martin's whereabouts, and somehow puts together that they know each other, and calls her and leaves a gruffuddly gruff message on her phone ddurffing things about DON'T YOU *EVEN*, MISSY, because these days are NOT ALL HAPPY DAYS and I will NOT BE GROOVING ALL WEEK WITH YOU. ## Jamie Martin ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0205-800x533.jpg) And across town -- or next door, for all I know -- Jamie Martin gets a surprise visitor JUST as he's waving the flash drive around his hotel room like a glow stick. Hey, the flash drive! Gosh, we DID end up seeing it again! And who is his visitor? ## Jamie Martin ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0202-800x533.jpg) His MURDERER. ## Poor Twin ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0200-800x533.jpg) Poor Twin discovers the body and is like, "Boy, it will look REALLY damning that I randomly wore a tarp here today that's big enough to hide a body." She calls Malcolm and leaves him a message that Jamie is dead and that she anonymously called the cops about it. ## Olivia ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0204-800x533.jpg) Oh, hey, Sparky! What are you doing in Olivia's lap? You don't think she wrested you from Jamie Martin through lethal means, do you?!? Or are we just meant to think she did, when in fact it'll turn out he was alive when she left him and then someone else popped by and had a skull-bashing party? P.S. You are dressed better than Poor Twin, and you're not even sentient. ## Malcolm ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0203-800x533.jpg) Malcolm, though, has already called FBI ARA and told him that he's willing to testify against the Very Bad Man, because he wants Poor Twin to feel like she can return to her old life and keep on living. As he's packing, he sees Poor Twin's message, but instead of returning it he decides to answer a knock at the door. Who is his visitor? ## Ioan ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_0207-800x533.jpg) His MURDERER. Well, probably not. We'll see. He certainly seems cranky. The *Ringer* of ten episodes ago would begin the next hour with Ioan saying, "Prepare to die... LAUGHING, over this hilarious video of Fonzie jumping over a shark!" I miss that *Ringer* sometimes. [Fug the Show: RingerThis week's episode was all about Ioan's facial repertoire, as he grapples with the reveal of his Ponzi scheme. All that blah-blah about the SEC would've been way more interesting if he'd been running a Fonzie scheme instead, so that's how I am going to think of it. Beats a Potsie scheme, anyway.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/bf/b9/bfb99790-924d-4e41-a7e6-5e3c6e04fe57/content/images/static-gofugyourself-com/uploads/2012/03/img_0045-800x533.jpg)](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-ringer-03-2012/)