Gild Old Nausea
This episode begins with a really quite wonderfully conceived/edited scene detailing what happened between Sally and Daniel Douglas. While the audio of their fight plays, the visuals jolt from her looking sickened, scared, shocked, disappointed, to actual shots of their conversation, to Daniel Douglas staring at her in disgust, and back again. It feels jarring and discordant at first and then sucks you into the tension of the moment, because it's designed so that by the time we actually SEE Sally commit murder, your head is a frenetic, whirling sea, just as hers was, and it works beautifully -- really a great stylistic choice. There is nothing snarky to say except that if "The Office" were being honest with itself, this should ALSO have been Angela's reaction to finding out that Senator Steven Carrington was sleeping with Oscar. He could've died TWICE at the hands of a ragey madwoman.
Egad! Slain Loud.
The content: Sally confronted him with the photos, railed at his homosexuality; he claimed she had to always know, says he settled for her and they rode each other's coattails to this job. And after the ugliness hits a high, Daniel Douglas announces he's going to leave her and "settle down with a nice boy somewhere," or something, and that sends her into the tailspin that has her grabbing for the letter opener and plunging it into his back MULTIPLE times. I don't know why I thought she'd whacked him with a lamp or something; I think I assumed she'd cracked him with something once rather than so aggressively hammered at him with something so unquestionably fatal. Maybe in my head, all crimes of passion should involve things one can buy at Ikea.
Dang Soul Ailed
When Cyrus arrives, Sally is in a daze and wants to own her crime and do the righteous thing, or whatever (but she totally called him because she knows he is in this up to his neck, because he brought her the photos that started it). Cyrus tells her to let him take on her sin so that she can stay the course, and then promptly goes to the bathroom and vomits, because he's pretty sure this is his fault. While he's partly right, I would like to reassure him that he cannot control the fact that Sally is such a kettle of frothing homicidal frustration. Yeah, okay, he turned on the stove, but he didn't know the kettle was going to go squat on the burner for so long.
Sound Legal Aid
I don't even know what's happening here; I just like her necklace, and basically, she looks gorgeous. But it says a lot about my feelings about "Scandal" that when we cut away from Sally and Cyrus and Daniel Douglas's exsanguinated form and landed on Olivia barking orders in that same-old same-old way of hers, I felt suddenly very itchy and discontented.
Also, I lied, I do know what happened: Abby asked David for the Marie Wallace file, and he's like, "Sure, take it," because she is so precious to him. David, you should be trying harder to hang onto your hard-won job.
Gal Is Unloaded
Rowan gets called away before Quinn can stab him with the justice needle. When she realizes the plan is bunk (or because she had second thoughts?), she runs to the bathroom, hacks out the tracking device Huck had shoved into her surely-now-infected tooth hole, and flushes it and her murder-syringe down the bog. Do syringes flush? Even so, this seems like a very irresponsible way to dispose of your sharps. THINK OF NEMO, QUINN.
Again, So DULL, Ed
Olivia, by the way, has apparently been informed by Huck that Quinn has a tracking device in a place where her tooth once lived, and that he is responsible for torturing her allegiance out of her. Olivia seems perturbed, but in that way where you've just found out that your son won't stop putting whoopee cushions on his teacher's seat. Like Huck's Torture Kit is actually just a box of vintage pranks he bought at Restoration Hardware. Also, I wish she'd have something fun to watch on one of her TVs, just once. Stick some General Hospital on there.
Dual-Ego Island
Fitz ignores a call from Olivia because he's too busy kidnapping Rowan/Eli and sticking him in a cell, because everyone on this show has some kind of chamber of horrors at his/her disposal.
Lugs A Dead Loin
As Huck frets that Quinn has gone off the grid, she and Charlie accept a call from Cyrus, who asks them to come clean up The Daniel Douglas Debacle. This photo is blurry, but at least you get to see them dragging out Steven Carrington's limp form, and then they roll up the carpet and whistle while they work, all while Quinn asks nobody for so much as a Tylenol. Which is fine. If you ask for Tylenol you might as well be asking for a Tic Tac.
A Lion Adds Glue
I also have no idea what Harrison is doing in this moment, other than a) looking dapper, b) looking typically cranky, and c) waiting, waiting, waiting for his promised moment of plot relevance to rain on him like pieces of ash from old burnt Homeland script drafts.
Ogled a Sundial
These yahoos keep saying things like, "Make sure you meet my mother's plane the SECOND it lands in Hong Kong," because if there's one thing a terrorist mastermind does, it's follow a widely known flight itinerary to its total conclusion.
Sell Odd Iguana
Olivia, in this checkered gray jacket, is having checkered gray feelings about everyone: her mother, her father, and most especially Huck, who still hasn't located Quinn. Olivia would like him to find her, probably because she's pretty sure Quinn has a workplace harrassment lawsuit she could file if she wanted, and Olivia would prefer to be the one to represent Quinn against herself and thus self-Gladiate.
I Dangled A Soul
Jake doesn't appreciate Olivia being jerky to Huck, because, after all, her father DID turn Huck into a killing machine and then stuff him in a torture hole -- the same torture hole Jake landed in, he also reminds her. So basically, Jake tells the woman he loves that BOTH of her parents are hideous monsters and so she should just relax about how one of her employees, knowingly hired without passing a psych exam, did unauthorized dental work on another one. As if it's Olivia's fault that her parents are terrible. Maybe it IS. Maybe her parents thought, "If this child listens to 'Ben' one more time on her headphones, I AM GOING TO BECOME A PSYCHOPATH." Also, the fact that Liv listened to "Ben" on that fateful day somehow feels like yet another late-game loss to his "Felicity" nemesis for poor old Noel.
A Slain Dude-Log
Right as the coroner is about to examine Daniel Douglas, Sally FINALLY jolts back to some form of consciousness and throws herself on his body, the perfect image of a traumatized widow. Cyrus, pleased, asks the doctor to just dispense with the rest of the exam because "we all know what happened here" and Sally is clearly too distraught to handle it. Instead of saying, "Well, why not have her wait in the other room with a cup of coffee or some liquor," the doctor replies, "Sure, fine," and leaves. That guy is screwed.
I Gladden A Soul
Mellie swans into Cyrus's office practically DANCING at the news of Daniel Douglas's "heart attack," because it means Sally is weaker on the ballot. She is understandably surprised when she finds out the truth, but not all that sorry. Because Mellie is the best. I've decided Mellie is the Pacey of this show. Well, actually, they're positioning Jake as the Pacey of the show -- cute boy, never intended to be the lead, but actually really popular and frequently less annoying than the central love interest -- but Mellie is somehow somebody I root for even when she's doing something really awful, like figuratively dancing on Steven Carrington's grave.
Singe Lad Aloud
Okay, so: Joe Morton is amazing in this scene, and his monologue is great, a total verbal spanking to Fitz. BUT, in order to get there, I think the writer made Fitz say some lines that I don't believe FItz would EVER say -- in essence, putting words of convenience in one character's mouth just to elicit the words they really WANTED to put in someone else's mouth. Fitz is trying to rankle Eli, see, so he starts saying, "I'm screwing her, you know," and then things like, "The things I could tell you about how she tastes..." And I DON'T THINK SO. That is super creepy, for one thing, but for another, for all Fitz's flaws, I don't think he would have spoken about Olivia that way to her father. MAYBE to Jake, just to make Jake jealous, but... the whole thing is really hella disrespectful to Olivia, in a way that HUGELY damages Fitz to viewers. I always felt like she was the person he revered too much to use her that way. Then again, some of the ways they write their sex scenes suggest that Fitz gets off on dominating someone he respects that much, so maybe this is that same trait coming through. I don't know.
BUT, Joe Morton sees the pitch and winds up and CRACKS IT with the bat of scorn that is his mouth. He tells Fitz that Fitz is just a ridiculous little boy who doesn't want any of this because he has daddy issues, and that Fitz never truly loved Olivia, but rather sees her as an exit strategy: As long as he has her, she represents his off-ramp from Highway Fitzgerald Grant. He adds, "Don't use the person that I made to make yourself into a man. You are a BOY." Well-written, and exactly the slap Fitz deserves.
Duo's Ill Agenda
James, meanwhile, thinks Cyrus killed Daniel Douglas, and Cyrus is so discombobulated that he barely defends himself. Here's a tip: DEFEND YOURSELF. Because the consequence is that James takes this to David Rosen. Fortunately for Cyrus, David is still super bitter about how the voter-fraud thing blowing up in his face and landing him a job teaching history to a bunch of awful kids, so he refuses to put credence in what James is saying, no matter how nice James's sweater is.
Sullied A Gonad
Quinn is also still discombobulated and also probably wondering when staph is going to eat her from within. Charlie says pretty things about how remarkable she is, and how her interest in all these crazy-ass things makes her fabulous, and so they have sex because he is willing to stick his tongue inside a mouth that's basically a hazmat area. And for his trouble, she vanishes; he wakes up, she's gone, and she didn't even leave any mouthwash.
Delusional Gad
Everyone here looks very nice, and Abby seems to have taken it upon herself to urge Olivia to Have Feelings -- in this case, she points out that Marie Wallace's hands don't have any actual tangible blood on them, technically, so maybe she's still not a TOTAL bad guy. This is terrible advice. Hanging out with each other has seriously jacked with their mental skeeze.
Further, these three still seem to think that Mama Pope is going to be on the plane when it lands. She isn't, you guys. She's the bad guy, and she knows that there's NO WAY y'all didn't get hot on her trail during the length of a flight from D.C. to Hong Kong. You should think to yourselves, "What would she do if she assumed that we are NOT idiots," and go from there.
Dad All Igneous
Liv gets through to Fitz, and demands to talk to Eli. She gets him to admit that the reason he's been so crazed about this is, Mama Pope tricked him too. He hauled Mama Pope off the plane, she told him there was a dirty bomb on it, he had Fitz shoot it down... and it was all a lie, and she just wanted to make him kill innocent people. Joe Morton can barely eke out the wet-eyed nod he gives. It's great. It doesn't make it okay that he throws people into torture holes, but whatever: Scandal likes it when we root for people who are awful, and dammit, I am rooting for him.
When he leaves, he musters his dignity and demands his coat and tie from Fitz, telling him that B-Reptilian is not simply a one-man organization: "Cut off the head of the snake, and it will grow another."
Adenoidal Slug
Quinn turns up at Pope and Associates and goes straight to Huck, who refuses to acknowledge her nor apologize. He tells her that if it weren't for Liv he'd have skinned her alive, which is charming. "I came back," she tells him, as if it's proof of her allegiance, and he doesn't care. He doesn't even tell her that he's really sorry for the time he licked her face like a cat lapping up milk. Huck has the worst manners.
Dialogue Lands
Cyrus, looking stooped and old and broken, swears he didn't kill Daniel Douglas, admits to being the devil, and wants James to stay with him and be his partner and raise their kid together anyway. Basically, at this point in the series, the writer fell asleep during an "Alias" marathon and woke up during "Notting Hill," because this is totally an "I am just a boy, standing in front of another boy, asking him to love him" speech. I wish Hugh Grant were here. He'd know what to do.
Undo Ideals, Gal
So, I had been assuming that OTHER jacket was her coat, but in fact, it's just a really thick, buttoned-up separate, over which she has thrown this thing. You can tell Olivia is having a tough time when her outfit looks so uncomfortable and bulky and blah. Here, she has just learned that, SURPRISE SURPRISE, her mother's plane landed someplace random and everyone on board is super dead, y'all.
A Sin, Dude? All Go!
She then, in a different outfit, has to contend with Jake telling her that he's in love with her, while also saying goodbye to her. He kisses her, and she kisses him back, because even when you're in love with Fitz, you KISS BACK when Jake Ballard plants one on your face. If Olivia is FItz's exit ramp, then Jake is Olivia's.
Alas, Did Lounge
When Quinn returns to Charlie, he says wonderingly, "You came back." It's the reaction she wanted from Huck and didn't get, and so she falls into his arms and they make out AGAIN and have sex AGAIN and somebody needs to give these idiots some shots.
Adel Said NO, Lug!
Paul Adelstein, meanwhile, wants Sally to run as a widow. He goads her until she snaps and screams that Daniel Douglas is The Sausage King of DC and deserved what he got. Paul realizes she killed him, and immediately scolds her... for not calling him instead of Cyrus.
And A Solid Luge
HARK: Who's this? An extra David Rosen had been ignoring all day, and it turns out she used to work for the NSA and has a phone-tap recording of the call Sally made to Cyrus -- the "I have committed a sin" call. We don't know what else she said, but David's earlier conversation with James in combination with this has David's justice wang at full attention.
Old Duels Again
Olivia returns to drinking wine, because she hadn't lately and it was making everyone very suspicious about what the show plans to do with her womb. Even her wine cardigan feels like this scene is kind of half-assed: Basically, it's a regurg of an older scene where she called Rowan looking for answers -- this time, it's, "Did you do all this just to protect me" -- and Rowan says she will never have the answers she seeks, but she's welcome to keep coming over for Sunday dinners. That seems very likely. "I married a terrorist! I imprisoned the terrorist for two decades! I'm Command! I tortured your friends! Pass the osso buco."
Duo Allies? Dang!
Oh, except Rowan ISN'T "Command" anymore. Fitz took him literally and managed to cut off the head of the snake -- in this case, Rowan/Eli -- and replace him with Jake. So after Jake courteously kicks Rowan/Eli out of what is now his office, he calls Fitz and says, "It's done." I am not sure why Jake would ally with Fitz, or vice versa. For Fitz, it's putting Jake in a position where he can reliably refuse to answer to the president and come off like he's the boss, as Rowan did; for Jake, it's accepting a favor and perhaps finding himself at the mercy, eventually, of a man who's INSANELY pissed that Jake slept with Olivia. Strong chance this ends with Jake being taken down for all B-Contrived's nefarious deeds while they disband it, right?
Laud Aged Loins
Speaking of uneasy bedfellows, James and Cyrus are lying down on sheets that I think the cast of Laugh-In once wore as pants. James blurts out that he needs to be press secretary (and they are missing one, since Cyrus framed the first one for sleeping with Fitz, although nobody brings THAT up). Cyrus asks if that's what it will take for James not to leave him; James says yes. Cyrus then says, pathetically, "And you'll love me?" And James says, "Don't push it." Cyrus then echoes Sally's line from earlier about how the devil came in; basically, the end of this episode is a series of little devils coming in and throwing parties in people's heads.
Lo, Gal Is Undead
The next one to appear is Maya Pope/Marie Wallace, because no one can EVER just have one identity on this show. She calls Olivia to see how she's doing, as if nothing is amiss, and then tells her they'll see each other very soon. And she chucks her burner phone into a trash can in front of a green-screen with a photo of the White House on it. So Mama Pope is on the ground in D.C., and presumably she has shenanigans on her mind.