> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Fug the Show: Scandal recap, season 3, episode 5 - URL: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-scandal-episode-3-5/ - Published: 2013-11-05T18:00:37.000Z - Updated: 2014-02-17T03:33:54.000Z - Author: Heather - Tags: #wp, #wp-gallery, #slideshow, #Import 2026-10-07 07:35 ## This week's anagram: Bellamy Young ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/bf/b9/bfb99790-924d-4e41-a7e6-5e3c6e04fe57/content/images/static-gofugyourself-com/uploads/2013/11/img_7445-1024x768.jpg) Mellie is in campaign-machinations mode, ergo her hair rises again. It's like a keratin erection. ## Bully Many Ego ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7453-1024x768.xml) Mel and Cyrus are trying to sell Paul Adelstein -- from Private Practice, and married in real life to Gilmore Girls' Paris -- on being Fitz's campaign manager. He bluntly tells them no, because people think Fitz is a womanizer with an ice-bitch for a wife, and he doesn't work for losers. That is some bracing honesty right there. You could strap that to your teeth and straighten them in two weeks. ## My Logy Nebula ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2013/11/IMG_7456-1024x768.jpg) Lisa Kudrow is back as Josie Marcus, and she hires Olivia to kill the rumors about the baby she gave away when she was fifteen. The team learns the baby was ACTUALLY kept and raised as her way-young sister, and said sister is on Josie's staff now. Olivia warns her there is no womb here for lies. ZING. ## Ban My Yule Log ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7462-1024x768.xml) I was going to suggest a scene where Olivia is at home ironing the pleats into her pants, but you know those suckers are dry-clean only, and besides, Olivia Pope doesn't do her own laundry. Olivia Pope probably dry-cleans her underwear. I kind of want an entire episode where she's only shown inside doing menial tasks. ## Guy On Mall? Bye! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7464-1024x768.xml) Abby is on the phone with David Rosen -- in front of everyone, so I guess that hang-up is gone? -- discussing going to the White House Correspondents' Dinner. On her other side, Huck is talking to Jake Ballard, who broke into Rowan's house and stole a bunch of information, including footage of his meet with Fitz, and so he hears them talk about Operation Remington and learns it's apparently a thing that not even adding a sixth razor blade can solve. ## Bulgy Yam, Noel. ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7469-1024x768.xml) I am sharing this because a) Jessica's text to me came in at a strangely apt time, and b) it was in reference to me strategizing our Diet Coke acquisition and consumption this past week, which is a thing that I wanted you to know is real. Jake, here, is realizing that Rowan is onto his scheming, as a bunch of fierce dudes sweep him into a car, which is like old hat for Jake at this point I think... ## My One Ball Guy ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7472-1024x768.xml) ... and straight to FItz, so that they can play a game of pick-up basketball set to a kicky '70s tune. The only point is so they can elbow each other to the ground and then reawaken old irritations about how both sides have slept with Olivia, and leak testosterone all over each other in the way that guys do when they don't have a ruler handy to do some real measuring. ## On Bag, Yell, "YUM." ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7475-1024x768.xml) Olivia's coat looks so much like a bathrobe in this scene. And yes, this is the moment when I realized she has a purse pedestal. OF COURSE SHE DOES. It's like the set dresser knows the show is fashion porn and figures her purse is a more interesting prop than any framed photograph or antique paperweight. That person is right. ## My Null Gob? Aye. ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7479-1024x768.xml) The team, in Montana to beat Cyrus's team to the scoop on Josie Marcus, benches Quinn because Huck told them all that she's a nutjob. Harrison looks like the Fruit Of The Loom grape after he grew up and went to law school. ## Ban My Yule Log ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7485-1024x768.xml) Clearly, Cyrus's adorable assistant loses this one, moments after Cyrus called Olivia to ask for her help in digging up the dirt. That gave her team a head start, and they managed to shut up everyone in Montana. Cyrus is enraged, but he won't fire this kid, because he's too delicious. I'm not sure why Cyrus doesn't have more people he can send than this semi-inept man-candy who squeals, in full earshot of everyone, "WE GOT POPED." Pope Francis needs to work that one into his arsenal. Every sermon he gives, he should end with, "You just got POPED," and then a mic drop. ## Aye. Bye, Gun Moll. ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7488-1024x768.xml) Is this the first we've seen of Steven Carrington being the veep's husband? I am DELIGHTED at this. I love Jack Coleman. As we learned on Dynasty, Steven "has a tenderness that transcends gender," and we learned on Heroes, Horn-Rimmed Glasses is a badass. I am excited for him and Sally to go all tender-badass on the FitzMellies. ## Balmy Noel Guy ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7492-1024x768.xml) I tried so hard to get a good, clear shot of shirtless Scott Foley, and this was the best one. I'm sorry, Fug Nation. I promise I have not forsaken you. Anyway, this scene involves him and Huck piecing together Operation Remington Micro-Blade Shaver. Much like the river court is where One Tree Hill people do their best healing, Camp Shirtless is where Jake does his best investigating. ## Yea, Nobly Glum ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7501-1024x768.xml) Harrison needs some joy in his life. I wish HE and Olivia would have a torrid affair. Failing that... NO WAIT. SLEEP WITH MELLIE, HARRISON. Also, Abby could poke her legs through her purse and wear it as a strapless bathing suit. That is weird. Is it pregnant? I hope it gives birth to its own tiny doppelganger. ## Only Lube a Gym ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7503-1024x768.xml) This is Olivia telling Josie that she Knows The Truth and that Josie needs to tell it. Her suit is as furrowed as Josie's brow. ## Ego Lay Numbly ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7507-1024x768.xml) Fitz booms to Cyrus that he wants to take down the BSBs. Cyrus panics, because when people say that out loud, they die -- the one guy who questioned that budget line item "committed suicide," ahem ahem, and Cyrus tells Fitz that this is a fast path to a lone gunman and a grassy knoll (not to be confused with [Grassy Knoll](https://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show/felicity/pilot-22/7/?ref=go-fug-yourself.ghost.io), which is Jake Ballard on weed). Then Cyrus adds, "Just ask JFK," as if we need to drag that actual assassination into this whole UB40 malarkey. ## Nobly Lame Guy ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2013/11/IMG_7509-1024x768.jpg) I wish you could see how insane these suspenders are with this outfit. It's like if you put a paisley sweater on with a gingham pinafore. Nobody with any knowledge of good pinafore sense would do that. ## Golly, Buy! AMEN! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7510-1024x768.xml) Quinn can't return her used Montana tech equipment except for store credit, and this is the lusty expression on her face when she realizes she could exchange it for a handgun. Oh, honey. You may think that gun is the Pacey to your Joey Potter, but that thing will never buy you a billboard unless that billboard has your face on it and says "WANTED FOR MURDER AND TORTURE AND GENERAL BLOODTHIRSTY IDIOCY." ## You Mangy Bell ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7513-1024x768.xml) "Welcome to ['Ya Heard? With Perd](https://parksandrecreation.wikia.com/wiki/Ya%5FHeard%3F%5FWith%5FPerd!?ref=go-fug-yourself.ghost.io). And on this episode, there is a debate where democratic candidates will be debating things, where 'things' means the stuff they are debating." ## Bully Among Ye ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7517-1024x768.xml) Tom Amandes looks at Josie the way Quinn looked at that pistol, and Olivia realizes it means they've got the bomb and they're going to drop it now. Josie, despite her nerves and initial reluctance, handles it the way Olivia tells her to -- and ends up coming across as honest and charming and real, which is Cyrus's worst nightmare. However, her sister-daughter is not terribly amused, because she did the math, and one plus one adds up to shenanigans. ## Male Bulgy, Yon. ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7519-1024x768.xml) When Fitz finds out Olivia Pope helped engineer this victory for Josie, he looks super turned-on, because he does not want to win this election, unless by "election" you mean "race to Olivia's Popemobile." ## Lug My Baloney ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7523-1024x768.xml) So Fitz calls Olivia and tells her she's awesome, while the cameras have to shoot him from the ground up so that no irrelevant reflections are caught in the mirror. It was very inconsiderate of Fitz to call her from here and not a White House broom closet. ## Agony Bum Yell ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7526-1024x768.xml) Olivia digs her Fitz Phone out of the trash -- she'd thrown it in there as a show of strength to Jake Ballard -- and looks like a drowning woman who's finally breathing air again. The two of them work through his speech for the correspondents' dinner the way they always do, and Fitz tells her he loves her, and the roller coaster pulls away from the station once more so if you were feeling queasy and wanted to get off then too bad because this bad boy is off and running. ## Lonely By A Mug ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7528-1024x768.xml) And of course Mellie overhears this, and and as her soul brushes Olivia's pump-print off it one more time, her brain-hamster gets on the wheel. ## Gal, Buy My Noel ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7533-1024x768.xml) Olivia makes Jake take her to the correspondents' dinner, and this is what she chooses. A Fug National points out that the neckline is just like Holly Hunter's from "Broadcast News," which gave me a good laugh that I very much needed. That thing is an art-deco "X Marks The Spot," which in this case is her uterus. ## Buy Gnome Ally ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7540-1024x768.xml) Veep Sally corners Paul Adelstein in the men's room while he's peeing, and asks him to work for her if she runs for president as an Independent. Sally, in many ways, the men's room is way less private than just yanking him off into a corner, because at least in a corner, you can see who's coming toward you. I wish someone had burst in at this moment and been like, "Sorry, lady, but THIS IS WASHINGTON AND WE ARE ALL OLD MEN WITH DEAD BLADDERS. I PROMISE I WON'T TWEET ABOUT YOUR PLOTTING UNTIL TOMORROW." ## Um, Bygone Ally ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7544-1024x768.xml) Machiamellie then tricks Olivia into coming to meet her, and -- in a color that reflects how much bleeding all over herself she is doing by making this request -- asks her to run Fitz's campaign. ## U MEAN, By Golly. ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7546-1024x768.xml) "Why should I listen to you, when you have the hair of a 1980s sexagenarian?" ## Blame Guy ONLY ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7548-1024x768.xml) "Because Fitz is dead inside without you and he's not going to want it, or win it, unless you're by his side, and also our campaign style consultants are really terrible about making me look hip and smart as opposed to musty and dated, so I might have them killed." ## My Guy? No Label. ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2013/11/IMG_7549-1024x768.jpg) This whole episode Abby has been leading David down the primrose path about joining him at the dinner, and he catches her in a lie about still being in Montana. So she surprises him in her gown at his apartment, and the surprise is that for someone whose head-styling is so good and personal styling off-camera has been baller, Abby looks terrible and sickly and weird in this hideous old thing and WHY ARE EVERYONE'S WOMBS BEING X'ED OUT TODAY. ## May Glue Nobly ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2013/11/IMG_7551-1024x768.jpg) David understands, and sits her down so they can talk all about her ex's yuckyness. At which point the dress crumples and billows and turns on itself like a mylar balloon slowly deflating. ## Um, Nag, Boy! YELL. ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7552-1024x768.xml) I love this shot. And this is a grand location for the day when you, while looking totally dreamy in your military uniform, tell your would-be paramour that you know she only dragged you there so she could see her true love. In other words, Jake grew some ballards. But not enough. It's like he's afraid to get so mad that he accidentally closes the door, so he's trying to be PARTIALLY mad, in a way that might yield him make-up sex. ## Be My Loyal Gun ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7554-1024x768.xml) Naturally, right after Mellie has asked Olivia to run Fitz's campaign, Josie Marcus asks Olivia for the same. (Oh, and by the way, everything's just peachy with her sister-daughter, thanks for asking.) Olivia turns her down, but Josie won't accept that, saying she'll wait until morning for an answer. It's as though Josie is like, 'I've watched this show. I know Huck trolls by night. Something will happen during this convenient window I'm giving you that might change your mind." ## O Gun, Be My Ally ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7556-1024x768.xml) So while Quinn gives a loving hand-job to her new gun... ## Ay, My Noble Lug ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7560-1024x768.xml) ... and Olivia lovingly puts on her Memories cardigan and her FITZ 4 PREZ tee and digs into all her memorabilia from the last campaign, because she can't wait to run this one, even though that idea is probably ten kinds of bad for her... ## Oy, Y'all Bug'n Me ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/img_7566-1024x768.xml) ... and then Jake and Huck lovingly show up at her door, because they've cracked the secret of Operation Remington Steele: Nothing is as it seems. Fitz was not on that mission. He was in Iceland, shooting down a commercial flight, probably on government orders, at which time 300 people were killed... including Olivia's mother. Oh, Fitz. You are going to get Poped so hard for this that she'll puree your spine in a Vitamix and drink it with Malibu rum on a beach in Tahiti. [Fug the Show: Scandal recap, season 3, episode 5The episode that taught me that I need a purse pedestal in my life.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/bf/b9/bfb99790-924d-4e41-a7e6-5e3c6e04fe57/content/images/static-gofugyourself-com/uploads/2013/11/img_7445-1024x768.jpg)](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-scandal-episode-3-5-11-2013/)