> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Fug the Show: Scandal recap, season 3, episode 13 - URL: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-scandal-recap-season-3-episode-13/ - Published: 2014-03-17T16:00:16.000Z - Updated: 2014-03-19T06:16:48.000Z - Author: Heather - Tags: #wp, #wp-gallery, #slideshow, #Import 2026-10-07 07:37 ## Add Macabre Jam, Knoll ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/bf/b9/bfb99790-924d-4e41-a7e6-5e3c6e04fe57/content/images/static-gofugyourself-com/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13-1.jpg) The episode begins with Jake Ballard delivering a monologue about how B-Jacked works: You give up everything to pledge allegiance, you do horrible things, you know horrible things, and you serve it day in and day out and let it become your only family. It's unclear to whom he's speaking -- I kept thinking it was going to be Quinn, or a job applicant, or something, but the episode never actually deals with what is on the other end of this conversation. It's just Jake talking about the darkness while bathed in green light, as if he's been sucked into "Scandal For Video Arcades." ## Jack A Marbled Almond ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13.2.jpg) Paul Adelstein has called Sally's hometown minister to counsel her during her debate prep, and it turns out his is because Sally has gone TOTALLY INSANE and is standing up there at her fake podium spitting fire and brimstone at Fake Fitz. Her minister is so freaked out that he doesn't even notice the cool staircase behind him, although it's not a stairway to Heaven so maybe he doesn't care. ## Ja! Bad Call, Demon Mark! ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13.3.jpg) Kate Burton REALLY needs an Emmy nod for this, because she throws herself into the pit of Sally's psyche with the MOST amazing zeal, whether she's spitting nails or calmly preaching her devotion to God. Here is how she has snapped during her debate prep, and it is frankly amazing: "Where the hell do you summon the audacity to accuse me of dirty politics while you’re the one slathered in mud, fornicating with whatever slithers by while dining on your own filth until you’re too fat to stand? Well, guess what? Time for the slaughter, piggy piggy! Time for the slaughter, you filthy cloven beast! I see the signs of the devil branded into your flesh! We all see them! Time to serve your master! Time to make the bacon! Judgment is upon you and on that day you will no long ruin the temple, soiling this nation’s hallowed ground, for you will be frying in the frying pan for your Satanic master to snack upon. YUM YUM, CRISPY PIGGY! YUM YUM!" The two aides playing Fitz and The Other Guy are TOTALLY starting an Overheard During Debate Prep Twitter feed. If at least three people in SCANDAL post-production don't have "YUM YUM, CRISPY PIGGY, YUM YUM," as their ringtone or text alert, then something has gone horribly awry. ## Mel: A Landmark Jab, Doc! ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13.4.jpg) Meanwhile, the Crispy Piggy is kicking ass in his mock-debate. This episode is full of cast members who only have one scene and possibly only even one LINE, including: Jon Tenney, Mellie, Joe Morton, Huck, Charlie, and Tom Amandes (as Reston, the other candidate). That is a lot of poorly dispersed cash. Mellie/Bellamy, however, is really throwing herself into her Sally Langston impression, and it's actually really funny. IF ONLY she checked her Twitter feed for inspiration, because she could've screamed, "YUM YUM CRISPY PIGGY," and Fitz would've had an aneurysm and Fritz down there on the end would've thrown her on the table and been like, "I'LL BRING THE BACON." ## Mel Drank MAJ Bad Cola ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13.5.jpg) Mellie's Sally Langston hair is SO full of mischief. ## Clambake and Jam Lord ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13-6.xml) Cyrus calls Liv to tell her how well Fitz is doing, but she doesn't answer, because she's too busy being briefed by David Rosen et al about Daniel Deadlas. Kerry Washington does a lot of her typical stilted huffing and puffing which will get her an Emmy nod because the constant melodrama on this show masks the fact that she's secretly not great on it -- it's an INCREDIBLY repetitive performance. I feel like I know all her dramatic tics now. Some of that may be that her character is in the same rut all the time, but so is, say, Cyrus, yet I find Jeff Perry to be quite hypnotic. Anyway. Liv is freaked out and horrified and doesn't know what to do: bring down Sally, and with her Mellie and Cyrus, or cover it up and be an agent of evil again. ## And Moral Balm? Jacked. ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13-7.xml) Wombouflage #16: Cyrus's office supplies. When she confronts Cyrus and he confirms it, Liv bursts into hysterical laughter because she realizes that all three presidential candidates have killed people and it's a literal murderer's row up there. Whoever on the writing staff caught that is great. I keep forgetting about Reston. She ultimately decides not to do anything about this and just let it play out without her, because it's a no-win situation and she wants to walk in the light. Except by doing nothing, she's effectively still Team Cyrus, and Team Cyrus hasn't walked in the light since Jurassic times. ## Bland Melodrama, Jack ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13-8.xml) Quinn's storyline this week is that she gets told to man the front desk and "sell" "paper" until she's paid her dues. Jake gets off a good line when he tells her to stop being rude to the clients because their fake sales are doing down, and basically Quinn is obnoxious about it until it services the plot for her to eat crow -- at which point Jake decides she's in, and assigns her to steal the Daniel Deadlas file from Liv's safe. Which she does, with ease, because she knows the office. Even though you'd think Liv would have good security in place, or at least make Huck sleep there and snarl at people. ## Lank Cabal Jammed Rod ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13-20.xml) Jake Ballard studies the Daniel Deadlas File, which includes the world's goofiest photo of James -- it must be copied off a press badge somewhere, supposedly, right? -- which someone has helpfully labeled PUBLIUS like it's his mug shot. I'm sure it's a Post-It, and it was supposedly on the OPA wall at one point, but the whole thing seems so constructed to make sure we are still following along. WE ARE. It's not *Pretty Little Liars* up in here or anything. There is also a scene I forgot to grab in which Quinn shakes Jake's faith in Olivia and essentially spits bullets through Liv's idea of bringing people into her little family. So when Jake talks to Liv later and realizes she still stands with Fitz above all else, and that means she's not crusading for justice here, he is disappointed and walks out. HOW can he be surprised? She has never NOT chosen Fitz, Jake. Shonda Rhimes is way too in love with their warped relationship to have it any other way. ## Old Jerk Cabal Madman ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13-9.xml) Paul Adelstein is concerned that Sally is out of her mind, and tells Rowan he doesn't think they can do this. Rowan essentially tells him that if he doesn't, he will be made real, real dead. I mean, he says "fired," but when Rowan says that, it usually means "fired upon by a gun." He's not a gentle sort. ## Bad Crank Jello, Madam? ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13-10.xml) Abby is worried that they're not helping David Rosen, but Liv doesn't care. So later, Abby tells David that she thinks there is a target on his head now and he needs to be careful, and he's glib about it, and they fight, and that's how you know shit's going to get bad for David Rosen in about 18 slides. Abby's cardigan is nicely folded into her look, but she was doing hipper stuff earlier in the season and now she's kind of back to looking like a Target ad or something. ## Jam Cork, Damnable Lad! ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13.11.jpg) Liv shows up at Jake's door for a fake date, with burgers, brandishing a bottle of wine and then announcing she's going to drink that one all on her own. She wants to pretend they're normal, but they self-pityingly realize they never will be, because their jobs demand that they invest in real estate on The Dark Side. Chin up, Liv. At least Darth Vader got to wear a kick-ass cape. ## Jock A Dreamland Balm ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13.12.jpg) And then this. Jake says he doesn't want to take advantage of her and then asks her to run away with him, and she says to him, "Take advantage of me," and so he does. Maybe because Liv's day job demands her to control so much that's uncontrollable, her personal life drifts toward being dominated. Because here she tells Jake to take advantage of her -- knowingly, but still; it's her phrasing -- and in almost all her scenes with Fitz, she's putty in his often alarmingly forceful hands, and she gets off on him yelling at her. I've decided that in the bedroom, Liv needs to be less of a damsel and more of a dame. ## Mr. Lambada Led On Jack ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13.13.jpg) I just thought you'd like to see that James still looks dapper, even though he's trying to get his husband thrown in the clink. Cyrus is slurring depressive things but still won't say anything concrete, and when James is gone, he calls Charlie and asks him to kill Sally. But Charlie can't freelance anymore, per B-Allard's new rules, so Cyrus has to go to the man himself. ## Mold ACE Landmark Jab! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13-14.xml) And in an INCREDIBLY SUBTLE piece of staging, Cyrus and Jake wang it out at the Washington Monument while its glowing eyes blink beadily. Cyrus unzips first, asking Jake to kill Sally. Jake responds by junking out thusly: "No, because I have to serve the Republic, not you, and not Fitz." Cyrus then whips it out to the tune of, "Little boy, if you don't kill Sally Langston, it is going to bring down the Republic you want to protect, because America will cease to trust its government and the entire house of cards will FALL," and Jake then reveals he was using a prosthetic before and brings out his REAL package and it's a full twelve inches of "Cyrus, YOU DON'T KNOW JACK," and then he walks away, content that the opening shot of this scene correctly predicted who would win this measuring contest. ## Am Calm, or Jaded Blank? ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13-15.xml) Wombouflage #17: Stuff, and also her FEELINGS. ## Damn Job! Karma Called. ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13.16.jpg) Wombouflage #18: Another purse, aided by Sally Langston's forehead. Olivia goes to see how bad Sally is, and Sally calmly tells her that -- with the aid of her preacher -- she's decided to confess, at the debate, to the killing. Because God has stopped talking to her, and she needs to hear Him again, JUST like when Jesus was on the cross feeling forsaken. There was a really large part of me that wanted this to end with Sally arriving at the debate having already nailed herself to two giant planks, but SPOILER that doesn't happen. ## Jerk Lambada Man Clod ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13-17.xml) It appears Fitz's iPhone lock screen/background is the Presidential seal. That is so boring. If I were ABC, I'd be like, "Can he be a Meredith/Derek superfan and have Patrick Dempsey up on that shit? Thanks." Liv calls him and says, "Remember Vermont?" WELL OF COURSE HE DOES, he spits angrily, because he's a douchelord. Olivia tells him that in the spirit of doing it cleanly this time, she needs to tell him that Sally killed her dead gay husband and Cyrus and Mellie helped her cover her tracks, and so she needs Fitz to throw the debate -- because if Sally sees him falter, she'll think it's a sign from God that He has forgiven her and doesn't want her to tell the world all about how she romanced Daniel Deadlas's chest with a letter opener. Also, nowhere in this moment of honesty does Olivia confess that she ran her flag up Jake's ballard. Just saying. ## Joker? Madman? Bad Call ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13-18.xml) Naturally, the events of this episode have Olivia CHUGGING her wine on two occasions. Here is when I realized it's possible nobody loves her. Because I've enjoyed wine in my time, and I've known MANY an avid wine drinker, and I've never seen any of them actively GUZZLE it like they're playing Shiraz Pong. Seriously, she is drinking a five-count here. And so I'm forced to conclude that none of her friends care about her enough to say, "Consider ice water." Or Diet Coke. ANYTHING to give her liver a tiny break. Now, if you are a wine guzzler in the manner of Olivia "Six-Gulp" Pope, I apologize. I'm not judging you; I just haven't SEEN you before in the wild, and so Actress Drinking Fake Wine, Forgetting That Most Mortals Can't Pound The Grape That Hard, is super distracting to me. ## Madam Bankcard? JELLO. ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13.19.jpg) Sally is in full prayer mode before the debate, and Paul Adelstein gets down on his knees and begs her not to lose her freaking mind out there. And the thing is, for the first little while, she is TERRIBLE. I know it's all about how you finish, but in life I think she'd have botched her chances the first several times she stammered and sputtered and looked terrified and drank water to avoid talking. ## Blond Jackal Mar Dame? ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13.21.jpg) Jake Ballard has ordered G.I. Joe to get REAL TV-14 up in this joint and blow Sally's face off if she looks like she's going to deviate from the script and confess her sin. Naturally, she does -- although Fitz TOTALLY goads her into it, which I find amusing given that his actions lead him to throw the debate -- so Ol' Joe climbs up into the rafters and assembles an ENORMOUS gun. And then Sally spends about ten seconds stammering that she's got something to CONFESS, and it is a CONFESSION, and she has to say it NOW, and it is... and seriously, in all that time, most sharpshooters would've been like, "BAM, she's done, bring in the cleanup crew." But G.I. Joe understands dramatic tension, so he waits just long enough for Fitz to jump in and save the day. ## Can Jerk Oddball Mama ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13-22.xml) Fitz's solution is to engage with Reston about personal failings and let slip that he is "proud" of his, so that Sally will have some meat on the bone that she can tear off with her teeth. And indeed, she is revitalized, and Fitz is SUPER CRABBY about it. Personally I think they should've just kept interrupting Sally before she could say anything and then before they knew it the debate would've been over and so would her candidacy. But that's not as dramatically satisfying. Also, Wombouflage #19 is kind of Reston's water pitcher. You can't really see it here, either, but Liv is sporting some of her trademark awful slacks, too. ## No, Madam! Bad Call! JERK! ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13.23.jpg) Wombouflage #20: Oval Office furniture. Here, they start with the B-Nosy camera angle and seem to be showing that Liv and Fitz know how to walk off-camera to have their discussions, and this seems to explain why they are always making out on that side of the room. So at least Jake doesn't have to watch this. Anyway, Fitz is irate that he got sucked into all this but he somehow blames Olivia, even though telling him WAS probably better than lying to him again. She tells him that Vermont is a lie because there is no perfect unblemished scenario for either of them; all they have is the here and now and they should just live in it and accept it for what it is. Super romantic! ## Bland Jock Marmalade ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13-24.xml) They seal it with a kiss right in front of a window that the show then helpfully demonstrates is not at ALL private. So that's smart. ## Re-Mold Bad Man, Jackal! ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13-25.xml) Cyrus finds the bug in his office and realizes James is Publius, but instead of being enraged, he tells James that James was right. He recoils in horror at the hole he's dug for himself, and puts himself on James's mercy because he loves James more than he loves anything else. Jeff Perry is truly great in this scene, fighting to stay in control even though he's a hair away from a total breakdown. It seems totally sincere, but it could also be a play. It could be BOTH. Who knows. But he's great. And Dan Bucatinsky is also good, wrestling with whether he's gone too far to turn back or whether he even should, or whether this is enough, etc. I love their messed-up dynamic, even if I think James is INSANELY naive and maybe that's why he's never been able to hold down a job he didn't blackmail his way into (and the jury's out on whether he will hold onto that one, either). ## Jam: Narc Balked, Lad. OM. ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13.26.jpg) David and the NSA leak and the Post reporter are waiting for James to meet up with them so they can discuss the evidence against Cyrus. Except when James shows up, he tells David he's bailing, and they all realize NONE of them called the meeting. Which means: DUCK. ## Clank! MAJOR Dead Lamb. ![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13-27.xml) Nobody ducked, so the two women get artfully applied bullet holes in their foreheads, and David Rosen gets some blood spatter on his, and James just gets some surprise lines. And we are treated to flashbacks of Jake's speech about how B-Rotten sucks you in and changes you, and we realize that's because... ## Armed Knoll A Cad! BAM, J! ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13.28.jpg) ... JAKE is the one who has caught the Murder Virus. And as David and James wet themselves with anticipation, Jake raises his gun, and we cut to black on the sound of it firing. We will soon see if Scandal is ballsy enough to kill off TWO bespectacled men in one swoop and risk alienating the Eyeglasses Lobby of America, or whether it'll be only one, or NONE, and maybe that last gunshot was to his own face or into the ground. Either way, Jake Ballard is officially One Bad Dude. Which is too bad, because he's as smokin' as the gun in his hand. [Fug the Show: Scandal recap, season 3, episode 13This show loses me all the time, and then it makes Kate Burton say, "YUM YUM, CRISPY PIGGY, YUM YUM," and I am back in again. This week's anagram: Jake Ballard Command.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/bf/b9/bfb99790-924d-4e41-a7e6-5e3c6e04fe57/content/images/static-gofugyourself-com/uploads/2014/03/scandals3ep13-1.jpg)](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-scandal-recap-season-3-episode-13-03-2014/)