Shirtlessness!
So, as you recall from the end of the last episode, Zoe felt all sad and depressed about her life/choices, and decided the only way to deal with that was to put on her Bad Idea Jeans and then take them off to have sex with Wade.
Disbelief!
Just as it unfolded the last time Zoe felt bad about her relationship or lack thereof with George and went off and nailed HNW, George pops up to talk to her/tell her about the end of his other relationship and finds them post-coital and goes all Drinky McARGH about it. I kind of like the idea that George and Zoe can just never pull their romantic timing together; it happens in real life, after all, all the time.
Headaches!
Zoe is less enthused about all of these developments, many of which are totally of her own making. How did she end up in exactly the same position in the season finale as she did the season premiere, we all wondered, doing the exact same thing to our heads.
Alligator Burgers!
Items of note: everyone is horrified that Zoe nailed Wade; apparently Burt Reynolds has gone missing; Lavon has serves Burt Reynolds cheeseburgers and crinkle cut fries in a personalized dish, and I would expect nothing less from a man with such an admirable devotion to Kitchen Pastry; all these dresses are cute; and apparently AB has moved on in.
Chanel in the kitchen!
Magnolia made a brief appearance this week, to set up a plot about Lemon trying to get the band Gloriana to play at the Rammer Jammer (spoiler: she pulls it off) and to deliver the following line when scolded about not working enough on her history paper: "I get all the history lessons I need by looking at your wardrobe." Well played, Magnolia. You can stay!
Belles!
Also humorous: the Belle that is not Cricket keeps referring to the Rammer Jammer as "a roadhouse," which is funny and mean and not totally incorrect. Yadda yadda yadda, Lemon steps down as head of the Belles TEMPORARILY as she deals with Rammer Jammer biz.
Giant cookies!
Mayor Gainey of Fillmore tries to make up his feud with Lavon, who is not having it -- in part because Mayor Gainey has KIDNAPPED BURT REYNOLDS. I am not endorsing kidnapping but you have to kind of hand it to a man who can kidnap an alligator. Lavon admits he loves a big cookie, but he's still not willing to make up and/or reconsider letting Fillmore build a mall on the Invisible and Unseen Glorious BlueBell Beach. I thought these two sort of patched this up last week with the whole AB Brokers a Peace plotline, but I guess that was merely one battle in a greater war.
Drinking!
Meanwhile, George is off drinking and reflecting on the fact that Tansy unhitched her trailer and left town (throwing his undies out the window as she left). Poor George. Maybe he needs to avoid blondes.
MAKE UP YOUR MINDS!
And Zoe of course comes wandering up in this very very cute jacket and they have a conversation that is kind of More of The Same, except this time George tells her that he can tell she has feelings for Wade that are stronger than the ones she has for him, and I am now seriously wondering if maybe Zade is the end game, because it IS true that Wade has Grown and Changed and TV loves the Bad Boy Changed By Love, in part because that basically never happens in real life.
Pajamas!
So Zoe storms into Lavon's bedroom in her very cute jammies and demands advice from AB and Lavon re: her love-life, and they're very unhelpful and she storms off. Seriously, IS AB living there now? I feel like they really fast-forwarded that romance. More importantly: MAYBE TRY BEING SINGLE, ZOE. IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD IF YOU DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND FOR A WHILE. IF THINGS AREN'T WORKING OUT WITH ONE DUDE AND THE OTHER DUDE IS A MANCHILD, TAKE A BREAK! CHOOSE YOURSELF!
Product Placement!
Speaking of taking a break, let's take a station break for product placement and also cute flowered dresses.
Blogging!
I really just included this slide because Carl Winslow interviewing George about the future prospects of "Zorge" (because "Zoe with a G was too confusing") and "Zade" was very amusing. You guys KNOW I love a portmanteau. George is just trying to get his sad break-up drinking on.
Pushing!
Meanwhile, Wade sort of wants to get Zade back up and running, at least on a sexual basis, and Zoe kicks him out and decides she's going to go to NYC for a wedding of a med school friend even if she DOES have to sit at the dreaded single's table. Like you can just randomly show up at a wedding or not. RESPECT THE RSVP, ZOE.
Planning!
Meanwhile, Lavon is running an Ocean's Eleven-esque caper to rescue Burt Reynolds from the clutches of Mayor Gainey and it goes about as well as can be expected from an ace crew that includes the weirdo who owns the Dixie Stop, ToWanda, and Meatball (who keeps suggesting plots out of Argo, which is actually really funny).
Shout-Outs!
Zoe ends up telling a chatty seatmate -- who is horrified that she, a woman with foot odor and a gambling problem, is married while Zoe is single!!!! -- all about her romantical issues. "I agree with the lawyer. It's the hot neighbor you're into. Are you still in love with him?" asks Stinky McGambler. A good question! Also, I am taking that as a shout-out.
Mustangs!
Meanwhile (in an attempt to see how many slides I can open with "meanwhile), Wade and Lemon are on the road, ostensibly to talk Gloriana into playing the Rammer Jammer, but ACTUALLY so Lemon can talk Wade into realizing that Zoe makes him a better man and he's basically in love with her. Wade points out that Zoe and George are both single now and Lemon looks thoughtful: "Now you think Zorge is inevitable?" she wonders, before getting back to giving him her kind of great pep talk. Also: that dress is cute.
ER!
Oh, right. Jonah Breeland and Zoe save this dude's life on the plane and then Jonah basically talks her into spending the summer in New York to get her head on straight. I don't dislike Jonah and I think this actor is totally fine, but now that I decided this part should have been played by Justin Hartley, all I can do during these scenes is feel all wistful and shit about What Might Have Been. (I know Hartley had another gig TEMPORARILY on the horrible Mamie Gummer Hour of Power or whatever that was called, but you feel me.)
Television!
The plane made an emergency landing and Zoe was interviewed about her in-air heroism and that's how everyone knows where she is now. Good way to write yourself out of a practical plot corner, writers. (That wasn't sarcastic. Sometimes those How Does So and So Know Where Such and Such Is questions are hard to solve.)
Singing!
Because this show never wastes an opportunity to let George sing, and because they had to set up his leaving for the summer to go on tour with Lily Anne. What about the people of BlueBell, who are now lawyer-less?!? Surely this summer will bring with it a number of frivolous twee lawsuits, and WHO WILL FIGHT THEM if George is off singing Alabama covers and harmonizing on "Run From Wade" in college bars?!
Crashing!
Right: AB Solves Everything (a lesser known companion piece to Clarissa Explains It All) and that includes rescuing the Ocean's Eleven crew AND Burt Reynolds with her giant truck and plentiful moxie. I don't know why I like AB so much as a tertiary character but find her so boring as a secondary one, but it might be due to the fact that she has no flaws.
Pie!
Apparently Jonah is ALSO kind of in love with Zoe. Lemon and I react similarly. HAAAAAARTLEEEEEY!
Love on a fencepost!
"I LOVE YOU."
"I probably love you."
"You make me want to be a better man!"
"You were a TERRIBLE boyfriend."
"You have a point."
"I'm going to New York for the summer. I CHOOSE ME."
"I BETTER BE THE DYLAN MCKAY IN THIS LOVE TRIANGLE."
High-fives!
Finally, Gloriana played the Rammer Jammer and all was well and worthy of high-fives. Lemon is officially a successful business lady and she's fine with Lavon and AB being a couple and she is looking forward to meeting her own Lobster. Can I suggest Justin Hartley? Lemon dating Wade's hated brother is actually kind of potentially really good.
Also: congrats to Jaime King, who recently announced that she is pregnant, and who told us directly on Twitter that Lemon is going to be carrying a lot of props. I for one can not wait. Lemon holding a giant purse. Lemon behind moving boxes. Lemon totting a potted plant. It's going to be fun. Mazel tov to this show's Most Improved (by FAR)!
On the nose scenery!
In case you can't read it here, the theatre next to the NYC Wedding is showing a play called THE SINGLE GIRL MASSACRE. God, BACK OFF YOU GUYS. IT'S NOT THE WORST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED.
Montages!
I do appreciate that in the End of the Season Montage -- Lavon dances happily with AB, George rides off in his truck with LA -- we get to see that Burt Reynolds is happily noshing on his burgers once more.
Weddings!
While, back in New York, Zoe is in costume as a very goth wedding guest...
Not Justin Hartley!
...who has a date. With the caveat that he remain mute the entire night. Because why talk to other people when you can sit around with a silent man! AT LEAST HE'S A WARM BODY! REVENGE! Wait, wrong show. I meant, HART OF DIXIE! See you guys next season. Give your alligators a burger fro me.