> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Fug the Show: The Royals recap, episode 7, Who Cares What It's Called JOAN COLLINS IS HERE - URL: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-the-royals-recap-episode-7-who-cares-what-its-called-joan-collins-is-here/ - Published: 2015-04-29T16:00:21.000Z - Updated: 2015-04-29T20:17:58.000Z - Author: Heather - Tags: #wp, #wp-gallery, #slideshow, #Import 2026-10-07 07:41 ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://storage.ghost.io/c/bf/b9/bfb99790-924d-4e41-a7e6-5e3c6e04fe57/content/images/static-gofugyourself-com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-2-1024x576-e1430254712890.jpg) This slide is not that important -- just Drippy McGee staring at Ophelia while she sleeps, and then her waking up and announcing a bigtime choreographer is going to be at her dance class today. I hope it;;;;;;\[\]\[;;\\ kjkj \[That was a weird mishap with my computer but it actually felt really apt somehow that I devolved into total gibberish.\] ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-1-1024x576.jpg) 1) That portrait of Eleanor is hilarious and I hope the props department had a delightful time coming up with that one. It makes no sense that anyone would have commissioned it and styled her like she was being painted a century ago, but I did at least laugh, and my backstory is that Helena had her face painted from a photograph atop a boilerplate body, just to piss off Eleanor. 2) The show loses those laugh points by having Eleanor spell his name "Jaspurr." THAT IS LONGER THAN HIS ACTUAL NAME. IT REQUIRES MORE WORK THAN JUST SPELLING IT CORRECTLY. WHAT. BRAINS. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-3-1024x576.jpg) No explanation is ever provided for why Helena's entire body is being carefully covered in gold paint. The ENTIRE scene is an overhead shot of it, and then her assistant walking up to interrupt as Helena barks, "This had better be important," or somesuch. And that is the only shot of Gilded Hurley in the whole episode. I hope she needed this for an off-set social engagement and just decided to combine work and play. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-4-1024x576.jpg) Ophelia's subtle way of checking whether the coast is clear is to peek out of her bedroom IN HER BRA and look around, before announcing they're safe. IN HER HALLWAY. I know Fire Ted is terrible at his job, but that's a bit much. (If they're hiding from HIM, that's insane, because even he would know some dude slept in his daughter's bedroom.) She is also not dressed, and thus can't act on this new intel. It was Premature Peeking. Also known as, "How can we get Ophelia to walk toward the camera in her bra?" ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-5-1024x576.jpg) It felt at the time like Ophelia's teasing Monaco flash would come back to bite her, and indeed it has: The papers are lapping it up. She is mortified, and when she and Liam leave and run into Ted, he gives Ophelia a big speech about how she should stay inside until this blows over. "It's my job to protect them from the outside world, and protect you from them," he says, admirably unaware that he is GODAWFUL at both of those things. Ted. Dear, sweet, incompetent Ted. Who then FORBIDS Ophelia from going to class and then enacts his unique brand of protection by standing there while she goes ahead and leaves anyway. Ted is really... more of a suggestion than a person. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-10-1024x576.jpg) Ophelia is, in fact, all over the papers. All over EVERY paper. And one of them has the headline, "AMERICAN SLUT." Which seems too blunt and not clever enough for the British tabs, rags though they may be. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-6-1024x576.jpg) I feel you, Helena. I don't even care why you're making this face. It is my reaction to EVERYTHING anyone does here. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-7-1024x576.jpg) This is Eleanor's new bodyguard. I give Alexandra Park some grief about her spotty accent, but she is actually very good at her part -- it's the role that's the problem, not the actress -- and she's quite funny here as she tries to make this guy crack a smile. It's futile. His feelings are all right there in his eyebrows. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-8-1024x576.jpg) Fire Ted then explains to an irritated Eleanor that her bangthang Jahhhspaaah has been reassigned to the Queen -- and given "a few days' compassionate leave." Say what? Is that considered standard for a person who visited The Royal Bits? I think Helena might be offended that sex with her makes a man cry out for a pity break. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-9-1024x576.jpg) Eleanor gives Ophelia a big hug and reminds her that at least her boobs looked GOOD on the front page. "They're always going to print something or other," she says. I am not sure WHY Eleanor is nice to Ophelia, but I do actually like it as a core friendship on the show. Eleanor probably has no other girlfriends, and I haven't seen any sniffing around Ophelia either -- and it's a nice change from Twin Sister Sabotages Brother's Chance At Love. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-11-1024x576.jpg) Cyrus here is bragging about how all his safety mechanisms are in place, and whatever Simon is blabbing about to the PM won't come to anything because he has people's wangs wrapped around his fingers. O Mighty Hubris. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-13-1024x576.jpg) AND THEN. YOU KNOW WHO arrives. LORD JOANDEMORT. And she is preceded by about ten attendants and announced by a man banging a sceptre on the ground, or whatever that is. NOBODY ELSE seems to enter the palace this way. Explain to me why Helena's mother gets more fanfare than anyone else? Wait, I know why: JOAN MOTHERF'ING COLLINS. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-14-1024x576.jpg) And in FULL Alexis mode, too. Don't get me going on "Grand Duchess of Oxford" being fallacious on about ten levels (there has never been a Duke of Oxford in the peerage, only earls, and Britain doesn't use Grand Duchess, Oxford is not a Grand Duchy...). I'm also not sure how the show will reconcile Helena's story to Dirk Beard about "the perfect storm" ruining her family's finances and forcing her into marriage with Simon, with her mother's fancy fake title and diamond-crusted lifestyle, and intimations that she did UNSPEAKABLE AND DRAMATIC THINGS in order to get Helena where she is. Maybe that involves her marrying up or something, but then... listen, I should know better than to attempt any math on this exam. One plus one is guaranteed to add up to negative suck. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-19-1024x576.jpg) Joan's first remark is about the decor: "I see you've redecorated. I want to know what possessed you to choose Vegas as your theme," she snarks, in a totally nonsensical bite, as this is basically standard palace stuff. And she has clearly never been to Vegas or else she'd have a more refined understanding of tackiness. Sorry, Joan. They underserved you on that one. ## the-royals-recap-episode-7-20 (1024x576) ![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-20-1024x576.jpg) "Well, this is a goddamn mess," she also says, before excoriating Helena for not locking her shit up tight and letting Simon go haywire, especially in light of The Things Joan Had To Do. She also fires off, "GROW UP. The most ridiculous con of the modern world is that everyone pretends not to be self-interested," and I do love that line. It's both true and VERY *Dynasty*. Joan finishes this gnarly little visit by instructing Helena to get her house in order ASAP because she is failing as a mother, a wife, a daughter, and a queen. "Having a fling on the side can keep marriage fresh, but having FEELINGS is another matter," Joan lectures. "In times of war, one must not be distracted by sentimentality. You cannot run a life or an empire that way. She who fears the thorn should never grasp the rose." I'm just going to type everything that comes out of her mouth. Even the puffs of oxygen have an imperious glee to them. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-21-1024x576.jpg) Helena and Ted then two swap King/Queen of England \*HEADDESK\* misnomers while it's made plain that a) Helena has no idea where Simon is, and b) she thinks Ophelia is a life-ruiner and refuses to give her a security detail until she's an official girlfriend. Even then, Your Maj, she'd have to be a fiance I think in order to get a protection officer. Want the people to Vote No On The Monarchy? Pay for a bunch of PPOs for Liam's girlfriends. Fire Ted should have pointed that out, but he's being self-involved here because Ophelia is his kid, and so FIRE TED. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-16-1024x576.jpg) Cyrus pops by to take Simon's temperature and gets another flowery Drama School speech for his trouble. "I am the product of a medieval hereditary sweepstake, here by chance not by divine right, as was once believed," Simon intones. I assume he memorizes these at night from the journal in which he has scribbled them painstakingly, next to little hearts with Prudence's face in them. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-17-1024x576.jpg) Cyrus argues that "destiny" and "fate" are just synonyms for God, and that everyone believes in the monarchy EXCEPT for Simon. "The people need the magic, brother," he says. "You're robbing them of the kingdom's greatest and most defining virtue." Simon grits his teeth and hisses, "O! FOUL KNAVE WHO BY BLOOD DOTH CALL HIMSELF MY BROTHER, WHY DOST THOU DENY ALL MANKIND'S VALUE AND RIGHTEOUSNESS AND INSTEAD ASSIGN IT TO JUST ONE MAN, ONE LOWLY MAN, WHOSE SHOULDERS BE STOOPED WITH WOE." And Cyrus is like, "Whatever, maybe they'll just vote YOU out instead," to which Simon's face says, "BE NOT THIS A SEASON OF CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER." ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-15-1024x576.jpg) Liam escorts Ophelia to her magical dance class, telling her to shrug off the paps while then casually chatting them up himself. His whole M.O. is to tell her to ignore them and just push forward, so why is he chatting and not MOVING. JUST GO INSIDE. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-18-1024x576.jpg) The actress who plays Ophelia is a trained dancer, but you would not know it from this choppy snippet, even though Ophelia is supposed to be wonderful -- and gets an audition for a fancy ballet company that is clearly a domino that will fall right onto Liam's heart. She is a scrunchie away from being Cressida Bonas right now. But Liam must leave her, because -- as Marcus reports -- the Dragon King of Wherever has realized that the arrow that flew at Ashok is his own, AND Greasepig is still real pissed about that whole thing. Liam has a PR crisis to manage, thanks to his dipshit entourage's habit of traveling with ceremonial weaponry that totally did NOT fit inside the Diplomatic Bag so don't even get me started on why it crossed the border without being confiscated. I'm sure I already complained about that, actually. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-22-1024x576.jpg) Liam makes Marcus stay with Ophelia, which goes just swimmingly, because Helena has called a paparazzo who owes them a favor and convinced him to yell something about Ophelia's mother. The gang picks up on it and starts repeating it at her loudly, and as she looks aghast, Marcus swings in front of her and socks a dude in the face. A dude who did not seem to be threatening her with anything other than rude words, so... look, I hate to say this, but FIRE MARCUS. This is the exact opposite of what anyone is supposed to do, especially if you are Prince Liam's Bestest Bodyguard. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-23-1024x576.jpg) "Pass the Dutchie!" squeals Eleanor, in a reference I think is entirely too dated for her. An entire exchange ensues in which Joan worries that Eleanor is too thin, as an excuse for her to say things like, "Don’t you know men like a bit of meat o the tail before they shuck the lobster?" and then, when Eleanor says she's on a caviar and coke diet, "Caviar, I approve. It's a superfood. But Coke will rot your teeth." And then they have a good laugh about how it's totally not that kind of coke. Finally: “Just think of all those poor women on the Titanic who said no to dessert.” ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-25-1024x576.jpg) And THEN Cyrus comes in and the two of them engage in some truly awful flirting that is actually a bit delightful, because both actors are clearly having a great time. "The Grandest D of all," Cyrus says by way of greeting. When she tells him to kiss the ring and he purrs, "Which one," her response is, "If I was a younger woman I would say BOTH.” And they LAUGH AND LAUGH and so many veneered teeth are flashed at each other and I'm pretty sure the Grand Duch is expecting Cyrus to pucker up and say, "I have no age maximum." Also worth noting: This is happening in front of Liam and Eleanor, who have no reaction to this. Not even to barf. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-24-1024x576.jpg) Even Helena can't resist a flinch. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-26-1024x576.jpg) But, no one gets time to do much else because Simon has been located: He's on TV. Calling for abolition of the monarchy. And SPEECHIFYING, in a way that finally seems appropriate because it's a national address. He calls the monarchy "ceremonial window dressing" and says his family has turned into "a pack of zoo animals" because they've taken advantage of their privilege and used it only for self-serving means. "O 'TIS MINE UNHOLY BRETHREN WHO HAVE SQUANDERED WHAT THEY DID NOT EARN. O FAILURE, THOU HATH LICKED ME WITH THY SPIKED TONGUE, FOR I BE-ETH THE WORST AT THIS SHIZ. WOULD THAT YOU ALL MIGHT FUCKETH OVER MINE FAMILY AND VOTE FOR THEIR RUIN, THAT YOU MIGHT RULETH OVER THINE OWN SOULS AND DAMN THEIRS TO SQUALLID UNREST. PEACE-ETH OUT." ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-27-1024x576.jpg) We are treated to Pistol Prudence looking very proud of him, but not speaking. Guess that near-literal smoking gun is not going off anytime soon, as we find out later she has been fired by Helena and Cyrus so that Simon doesn't crawl into bed with her. Which makes NO SENSE, because if Jahhhhspaaah can get the benefit of the doubt by claiming Eleanor offended him, surely Pistol Prudence could keep her job by complaining about Cyrus's misdeeds. Even though she did try to poison him. Whatever. She is a total effing mess of a character. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-28-1024x576.jpg) Sad royals have sads. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-30-1024x576.jpg) Simon is ENRAGED when he finds out Pistol Prudence's trigger has been pulled, so he charges up to Helena and Cyrus and lets them have it. "O WICKED SUCKMAGGOTS, SQUELCHERS OF VIRTUE, THOU HAST CAST OUT THE SOLE LIGHT OF DIGNITY AND NOBILITY IN MINE CASTLE, EVEN THOUGH WE ONLY TALKED LIKE TWICE AND SHE WASN'T THAT INTERESTING BUT WE DID BOW HEADS OVER THY MIGHTY AND UNDESERVED TEA SANDWICHES THAT ONE TIME AND SHE BROUGHTETH MINE HOB NOBS. WOE BETIDE THEE, TWIN HARPIES, AND MAY GONORRHEA LAY THEE WASTE." I'm paraphrasing. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-31-1024x576.jpg) Then Simon gets real. "To hell with both of you," he spits, saying that for all his professed desires to his people that becoming a civilian will make him a better husband, he has no intention of being HELENA'S husband any longer. He also then calls her a bitch, which... was maybe supposed to be cathartic, but I thought Simon was bigger than that. At LEAST he could have said, "O WOEFUL SUCCUBUS, SLITHER FROM THY CHAMBER AS YOU HATH SLITHERED FROM MINE HEART, MINE LOINS, MINE BED." He'll be kicking himself tomorrow for not planning this out better. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-32-1024x576.jpg) Liam is taking all this really personally, as if anything that happened in Monaco was ANY WORSE than anything Eleanor has done FOREVER. She insists there is a piece missing none of them knows about, and goes to talk to Simon, but all she gets out of him is that he's hella disappointed in her. "TIME HATH TICKETH LO THESE MANY DAYS AND NIGHTS AS I WAITED FOR YOU TO LADY UP. I AM INDEED MONDO HELLA DISAPPOINTED IN YOU," he says. Then he feels bad about it, because Eleanor knows how to leave a room, and she does so whimpering that he is RIGHT and she is SO TERRIBLE. Which, she is. She never shows any remorse except for when she's caught. So, good for Simon. Finally parenting! Better late than never. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-33-1024x576.jpg) I mostly showed you this so that you know FIRE TED neither bowed to Liam as he left, nor acknowledged his presence in any way. You know what that means. FIRE TED. Liam martyrs himself and says Simon rubbing out the monarchy is all HIS lousy doing, which Simon insists is not the case. He asks Liam to meet him in the tunnels for more Happy Fun Walk Time. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-34-1024x576.jpg) Helena, upon hearing Joan's voice, dives into the first room she finds and mumbles, "I hate my mother," before realizing she is of course in Eleanor's. Then she asks Eleanor for drugs, and Eleanor is like, "Naw, dad's mad at me today." Which... is that really all it takes? He's probably mad at you every day for something, kid. You should be sober as a lamp. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-36-1024x576.jpg) When Prince Tree Sap sees the video of Marcus decking the photographer, he does nothing to Marcus, even though FIRE MARCUS (sorry, M, but you whiffed). Instead, he runs to Ophelia's, where she is quietly sitting and reading when the elevator just OPENS and in walks Liam. So you're telling me Fire Ted, Head of Security, can't even keep his OWN HOUSE safe from unannounced visitors? His HOME is open to pop-ins that surprise anyone on the couch in the middle of whatever they might be doing? GO FIRE YOURSELF, TED. Anyway, there's some blah-blah about the nobility of Ophelia's mother, and then they make out a bunch on the couch because Liam can't think of a way to support her other than with his tongue. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-38-1024x576.jpg) All of which means Poor Simon Shakespeare is stood up in the tunnels, and has to go on walkabout alone. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-39-1024x576.jpg) Look. All that nice Photoshop work, ruined. Eleanor, having trashed her room in a pointless and selfish and vicious snit, suddenly turns all introspective and pensive as she delivers some pills to Helena's bedside table. One of Jahssspaaah's Jack of Diamonds cufflinks falls from the bed onto the floor but I'm unclear whether she sees it or is just in another wobbly funk. I seriously hate the way this character is written. I just can't. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-40-1024x576.jpg) Ted sits on his couch playing the video over and over, of which you can hear the snippet, "What would your mother think of you now? Is she an American slut too?" or something. Ophelia doesn't appreciate this, and stomps out to tell FIRE TED that her mother would be happy that Ophelia found love with someone who is nice, and would not bait her with unkind video snippets that imply she is trashy. Fire Ted really is just terrible at everything. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-41-1024x576.jpg) And, Cyrus's safety measures are no longer in place, which we likely all guessed given how confidently he was trumpeting them earlier. He says there is one more thing he could do, and as he leaves, Helena calls someone and says, "It's almost over." ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-42-1024x576.jpg) Ophelia sees Cyrus skulking around the castle, because OF COURSE he can't just walk with purpose. He has to stop, look around, and then tiptoe away. ## The Royals recap, episode 7 ![The Royals recap, episode 7](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-44-1024x576.jpg) And then LOOK WHO TURNS UP BLEEDING on the steps of Someplace (it might actually be the castle, but I can't tell). Simon has been stabbed, or shot, and is leaking O MORTAL ELIXIR THAT FILLETH MINE VEINS WITH VIM all over the pavement. Is he dead? We'll find out. I MIGHT guess that Cyrus had him stabbed to wound, not to kill, because he figured that an attack on Simon would swing the referendum pro-monarchy out of loyalty and pity and concern. But Cyrus is also super predictable as the culprit, so who knows. Either way: NOT SIMON! The only nice person here! This, by the way, is totally how it should have felt when Robert died, and is exactly why that would've been better saved for during the season after we knew him a bit. Imagine if Liam actually HAD been a gross party boy who kinda hit on Ophelia, OR if Robert and Ophelia had been a thing and Liam kinda liked her but was a trashy hot mess and THEN Robert was killed and Liam and Ophelia plumbed each other's hidden depths. Or, or, or. Also: PUT TED IN A REVOLVER CHAMBER AND FIRE HIM INTO A DUNG PILE. How do you not have security cameras in the tunnels that YOU KNOW FULL WELL are there and people use? How do you not have someone WATCHING MONITORS AT ALL TIMES, to prevent things like King Simon sneaking off into the night without a protection officer quietly tailing him? Ted has all the benefits of modern technology and NONE OF THE GEARS IN HIS OWN BRAIN. [Fug the Show: The Royals recap, episode 7, Who Cares What It's Called JOAN COLLINS IS HEREJOAN HAS ARRIVED. I wish SHE had fired Ted. She would have done it SO WELL.![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/bf/b9/bfb99790-924d-4e41-a7e6-5e3c6e04fe57/content/images/static-gofugyourself-com/uploads/2015/04/the-royals-recap-episode-7-2-1024x576-e1430254712890.jpg)](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-show-the-royals-recap-episode-7-who-cares-what-its-called-joan-collins-is-here-04-2015/)