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# Fug the Show(s): New Year's Eve Countdowns
- URL: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-shows-new-years-eve-countdowns/
- Published: 2013-01-02T16:00:45.000Z
- Updated: 2013-01-02T07:10:00.000Z
- Author: Heather
- Tags: #wp, #wp-gallery, #slideshow, #Import 2026-10-07 07:31

## Fergie

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/bf/b9/bfb99790-924d-4e41-a7e6-5e3c6e04fe57/content/images/static-gofugyourself-com/uploads/2013/01/img_7174.jpg)

One of the beans just walked up to me, looked at this photo, and said, "Just like you, Mommy." Indeed. If I don't live my life in puckered corsetry, a topknot you could punch while screaming, "NO WHAMMIES," and a dress that gives me sausage boob, then I am not truly ME.

Fergie was on Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve Starring Ryan Seacrest Coming To You On His Fourth Network, If You Don't Include Any Other Station That Featured Him During The Olympics (the count: NBC, FOX, E!, and now ABC). She hosted the Los Angeles portion of the festivities, which always looks almost as awful as Times Square -- almost, because I assume it's at least easier to get to a bathroom at this one, but I suspect the prospect of cocktails is just as grim unless you're packing a hip flask.

## Psy

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/spl476543_008.xml)

This dude. I can't with him, really. But I am beginning to wonder if he is the CeeLo Green of his nation.

Also, I need to discuss CeeLo's name. Almost everwhere on the Internet says it's "Cee Lo," except The Voice spelled it CeeLo and so does his official Twitter account. Someone else had it as "Cee-Lo." Can we please get a consensus, Internet? I'm going with his employer and his self, so CeeLo it is, until further notice.

## Psy and Hammer

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/spl476543_030.xml)

Anyway, at some point while Gangnam Style was happening, Hammer came out -- just going by Hammer; apparently he has retired the M.C. cred -- IN A RHINESTONE BANDANNA. The strains of "2 Legit 2 Quit" were briefly heard, seriously, and then he proceeded to dance with Psy in a way that was less inspiring than when he wore parachute pants and told us we couldn't touch this.

## Taylor Swift

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2013/01/spl475553_001.jpg)

Swifty looked perfectly cute in a shiny red coat and leather pants. She really didn't sound good -- the cold air is not great for vocal cords even when they're excellent -- and I don't think I get why "I Knew You Were Trouble" is getting so much love, because it's nowhere near as catchy for me as "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together."

## Carly Rae Jepsen

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2013/01/spl476540_006.jpg)

So, the funny thing here is, Carly Rae Jepsen was there for the countdown, but if you were watching either of the ABC telecasts -- the 10-11 or the 11:30 until whenever -- she never actually appeared (unless my FF button is freaky opposed to her and just sort of made her vanish). But Splash has pictures of her performing, so maybe they just... cut her out? Regardless, there is something nifty about the skirt, and she looks TALL for once, but I don't love the crop top with it. Then again, y'all know I am not partial to the crop top.

## BEYONCE

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2013/01/IMG_7171.jpg)

This was my favorite -- this billboard that's right behind the ball is REALLY annoying and obnoxious and distracting, but I LOVED this solemn, cranky Beyonce face that was on it during this moment. Like, "It's 2013, bitches. CONSTANT VIGILENCE."

## Jenny McCarthy

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2013/01/IMG_7181.jpg)

I cannot stress enough to you how awful and embarrassing Jenny McCarthy was. Here, she spent 30 seconds -- which is a TV eternity -- bending over and trying to wiggle her ass in front of a bunch of cops. I am sure Dick Clark was just DELIGHTED, watching this up inside the pearly gates with a martini.

## Jenny McCarthy

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/img_7189.xml)

She then lay down next to a cutout of Justin Bieber, pretended to talk to him, and then rolled on top of him and faked that they were making out. I would urge her to have a little dignity, but... it's Jenny McCarthy.

## Jenny McCarthy and Seacrest

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/img_7202.xml)

And THEN, when Seacrest got teary during one of his Dick Clark tributes (he seemed choked up whenever he mentioned Dick Clark, which was touching), Jenny just hung off him wearing her crazy-ass hat and braying, "UH-HUH," all over his emotion. It was just so wretched, the whole thing. Seacrest AND Dick Clark deserved better.

## Graphic

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2013/01/IMG_7209.jpg)

Thank you, Facebook. Without your sponsorship, we might NEVER have been able to figure out this INCREDIBLY SURPRISING AND COMPLEX list. And thank you, 1994, for designing this graphic.

## Bieber

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2013/01/IMG_7219.jpg)

I'm sorry I couldn't really get a picture of The Pants in motion. They are not camera-friendly when they start flapping around. So instead, I bring you this photographic treasure of Justin Bieber magically NOT grabbing his crotch and seemingly uninvested in reminding you that he is a DEEPLY SEXUAL BEING. I appreciate that.

## Brandy

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2013/01/IMG_7206.jpg)

Hey, it's Brandy. Apparently she's still out there being Brandy. She performed twice, and both performances were exactly the same: She and her minions strutted out, paused, posed, strutted somewhere else, paused, posed, and then occasionally REALLY shook things up...

## Brandy

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2013/01/IMG_7208.jpg)

... by TURNING AROUND. They all look terrible. Brandy specifically looks like she stapled her dress together backstage with some of the rented linens.

## Amy from Karmin

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/img_7195.xml)

I guess these guys are still happening, too. I almost didn't recognize Amy from Karmin -- maybe that's because she's missing her signature hair poof, or it's because she's essentially dressed as one of Fergie's stunt doubles from like three years ago. It's Stale Fergie.

## Amy from Karmin

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/img_7205.xml)

Amy from Karmin also apparently wants you to see her Karmin.

## Christina Aguilera

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/img_7240.xml)

Over on NBC, things were totally pathetic. In two one-hour specials, this is what they featured: One cold open pre-taped from *The Voice*, where the judges pretended to describe their NYE parties to lure Carson there. Christina has abandoned all hope of real hair and is just stealing wigs from *Pretty Woman* re-enactors.

## Train

![](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/content/files/www-gofugyourself-com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/img_7239.xml)

Then they featured not one but TWO musical acts from Train. The ONLY LIVE MUSICAL ACT THEY SHOWED. I guess ABC is contractually allotted all the action? I can't believe the self-important dude from Train is the best NBC could manage. TWICE. I just don't need this much middle-distance-gazing in my life.

## Carson

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2013/01/IMG_7234.jpg)

AND they HARNESSED CARSON DALY TO THE TOP OF A BUILDING. He is OUTSIDE, above Manhattan. THAT IS INSANE. Is death the only loophole in his contract? He's not THAT bad on *The Voice*, guys. Actually he's sort of fine. Christina Milian is your problem.

## Carson

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2013/01/IMG_7237.jpg)

And then when Carson lived, they stuck him in this ridiculous hat. Maybe he SHOULD Dunkleman that show, if this is how NBC shows its appreciation.

[Fug the Show(s): New Year's Eve CountdownsI was going to say, "I don't know why I bother to watch these things," but that would be a lie: I DVR them SPECIFICALLY so that we can all have a laugh at whatever hopeless shenanigans are passing for Exciting. New Year's Eve. Entertainment. It's like the universe wants to remind us all that the calendar may change, but fug is forever. \[Photos: Splash, my phone\]![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/bf/b9/bfb99790-924d-4e41-a7e6-5e3c6e04fe57/content/images/static-gofugyourself-com/uploads/2013/01/img_7174.jpg)](https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/fug-the-shows-new-years-eve-countdowns-01-2013/)