Miley Cyrus: MTV Unplugged
Given all the Olympic uniform shenanigans, there is a strong chance Miley is also wearing this because she's representing The Republic of Gingham in Sochi's luge competition.
Miley Cyrus: MTV Unplugged
Naturally, the performance involved a giant stuffed horse, with which she twerked. She also allowed its nose to nuzzle her in the anal nethers and then straddled it and rode it, writhing, while singing a song about having sex, which she often addressed TO the horse. As one does. When I heard tell of all this, I was INCREDIBLY concerned she had dragged an ACTUAL horse into things. But thankfully, it was just a horse costume, and yes, Miley Cyrus has created a world in which I am giving thanks that her bestiality is only IMAGINED and loosely simulated.
Miley Cyrus: MTV Unplugged
I can't even.
I am sure that person put on the jumpsuit voluntarily and/or for what I hope is a large sum of money, but looking like a cross between a picnic and Madonna's cone-boobs is unfortunate no matter what riches come your way. Also, there were other performers on the stage during this segment dressed in totally regular jean skirts and cowboy boots, and one lady in the back wearing a gingham dress with a big red cummerbund, but she remained in the back and was hardly ever shown on TV except in passing (I had to look twice for her to make sure she was there at all). And yet it was the little person whom she put in the weirdest outfit of all and brought front-and-center, like a country court jester, or a mascot. I obviously have no idea how Miley ACTUALLY feels; all I can speak to is how it comes across, and this didn't translate favorably, to me. I think her obsession with buzzy theatrics obscures her better judgment. And as such, her increasingly better talents.
Miley Cyrus: MTV Unplugged
Then Miley changed costumes. Her head, at least, looked very cute, and she seemed to be having fun; she sang some really so-so songs off "Bangerz" and a cover of Dolly Parton's "Jolene," and it was all fine. She's clearly been taking voice lessons since the Hannah Montana days -- her live singing has improved TREMENDOUSLY, which i ascribe to the need to sing "Wrecking Ball" live time after time and nail it, and also, because she knew she needed to have her technical science pretty tight in order to back up the other shenanigans (a page she is trying to rip out of Gaga's book, I think). But she sounded sort of shaky across the airwaves, sliding sharp and flat at times. Which is fine. It happens. I am assuming this was a bit of a practice/warm-up for the vocal rigors of going on tour, and one Fug National tweeted to say she was in the audience and that Miley sounded pretty good there.
Miley Cyrus: MTV Unplugged
This outfit, though, is of course ridiculous. It's a bikini top, baggy jeans -- you'll see -- and this shredded Derelicte jacket, like some kind of carefully composed pseudo-Vaudeville hobo.
Miley Cyrus: MTV Unplugged
And naturally, she got her Bieber on, briefly.
Miley Cyrus: MTV Unplugged, with Madonna
And then she went into a mash-up of Madonna's "Don't Tell Me" with "We Can't Stop," which was a good idea that actually didn't sound tremendous, although I'm biased because I've never thought "We Can't Stop" was as fun as it thinks it is. And so of course Madonna came out to boot-scoot and boogie and whatnot, and she sounded REALLY flat and shaky, and the whole thing was both mesmerizing and depressing, and Miley's pants look like a costume from a Vegas male strip revue that pretends to be about a rodeo.
Miley Cyrus: MTV Unplugged, with Madonna
And so Madonna grinded on Miley, and then let Miley spank her. Between that and having Madonna be seated in the crowd before coming up to join her, Miley created the effect of the legend being a fan first and a vocal guest second, which was very smart. It's a similar spirit to how Stephen Colbert stages his show so that the guests are already seated and Colbert walks to them during the guest's welcome applause, effectively making it his ovation. I wish Stephen Colbert would do that in those pants, though. Come on, Stephen.
Miley Cyrus: MTV Unplugged
And it all ended with dueling tongues. Just the way nature intended. I believe her claim was that she staged this show this way because she wanted to break off a piece of her Nashville roots and plant them in L.A., but I strongly suspect Nashville right now is writing a letter to the world distancing itself from the existence of at least 75 percent of what happened (while also possibly asking for that white hat someday for a museum, because it's actually kind of groovy). I will give Miley this: I think she works extremely hard, and seems to care a lot about it. I just often wish all that effort was going toward something that involved actual clothes.