Vanessa Hudgens

This totally disproves the lyric, "It's what you wear from ear to ear, and not from head to toe... that maaaa-aaa-aaa-tters...."

Vanessa Hudgens

Sorry, Little Orphans Pepper and Molly and Company. Your smile theory is nice, but we are not disembodied heads. Our toes deserve good treatment also. Anyone walking around smiling in these suckers is going to have people wondering whether her bathtub gin is 200 proof.

Also, YEOW, what happened to her leg? Guess shimmying down the drainpipe in search of Daddy Warbucks' house is grueling work.

Vanessa Hudgens

I... really hate these. If only she'd been wearing jeans, or black pants, or ANYTHING other than what looks like something she bought at an Italian street market from some vendor that told her they're based on Michelangelo's early draft of the Sistene Chapel ceiling -- you know, the one he sketched during his stork fetish.

Vanessa Hudgens

This, I might actually not mind. Maybe I even like it. Am I crazy? Or have the Pants of Shame cleansed everything that comes after them?

Vanessa Hudgens

I can't decide which color it is -- here, it all looks white and silver, and in the other, there's a bluish tinge -- but the open back is a sexy touch without screaming for attention (like that white lace-up thing Gwyneth wore to the Country Strong premiere, which was basically like one giant high-top sneaker). I might actually REALLY like this, then.

Vanessa Hudgens

Is it just me, or does Vanessa look like Rachael Ray in this photo?

Seriously, though, that's not a good dress. It does nothing for her, and it looks kind of cheap, like a costume nightie someone made for a show that still shoots in grainy standard definition.

Vanessa Hudgens

I mean, right? Look at the lumpy seams down the side. That can't be art; it's just bad tailoring. Sometimes I think it's not a stylist these people need -- it's a decent seamstress.

Fugger Punch (With One Well Played)

Vanessa Hudgens is a very cute girl -- and very friendly, based on the time we talked to her at Fashion Week -- and she seems to be trying very hard to be taken seriously: First she did the dark Beastly and then the crackfest Sucker Punch, all accompanied by the kind of fashion choices that seem designed to get a girl noticed no matter what the actual text is. All press is good press, and the like. But I beg to differ. Because, look, sure, some of the orphans in Annie were super sassy. And Miss Hannigan is a misunderstood hero. But at the end of the day, or the press junket, you never want anyone to look at you and say, "Huh, guess she's never fully dressed without a trouser sock." And what of the actual trousers? Oh, they're mere clicks away. Just you wait.