Ciara in Roberto Cavalli
I just now noticed that there appears to be a lion's face in the print of the skirt. So basically, this is what would happen if Fraulein Maria had been on safari when she realized the Von Trapps needed clothing.
Ciara
"How do you solve a problem like Ciaraaaaaaa..."
Heidi Klum in Versace
Look at that head. And then look at that frayed moldy pizza she's rolling around in, and feel woebegone.
Dakota Johnson in Christian Dior
It's comforting to know Dior can still do things right. Even if it's the simple things.
Pixie Lott
That's so Klum.
Alessandra Ambrosio in DSquared
Is this truly not bad, or is it just acceptable because of what's on the next slide?
Alessandra Ambrosio in Givenchy
Not only is she wearing one of the most oozing eye sores that's ever been drizzled in salt, but she's wearing khaki shoes with it. I don't think we need a third strike, but just in case, she also may have used an old wedding garter as a choker.
Miranda Kerr
The last two slides are from a wedding catalog called Mail Order Matrimony.
Miranda Kerr
This is fantastic on her, though, so thank you Miranda. You brought things back up again...
Karlie Kloss
... just in time for Karlie Kloss to drag them down again. The shoes are fine, but that is a monstrous woe-sack.
Dakota Johnson and Karen Elson in Gucci
Both these outfits are cool enough for me, but I CANNOT with those shoes. They look heinously geriatric.
Charlotte Casiraghi
I love this as a skirt, but the top look like a man's pajama shirt.
Salma Hayek
This looks like a spring-themed Ugly Christmas Sweater.
Alexa Chung
And those slide-on versions of the Gucci loafer look too much like she borrowed her boyfriend's slippers. The rest of it is fine -- very Alexa -- but apparently all the Gucci footwear is leaving me frosty cold.
Heidi Klum in Versace
So, we saw this outfit in last season's show -- it's a black sleeve and the rest is green, and there's also a cutout. And it's creating some unfortunate optical illusions with her chest. Like it's sinking in quicksand.
Naomi Campbell
I don't even care what she's wearing, because I accidentally picked THE BEST photo of Riccardo Tisci (Givenchy), shown on the left. That is the look on my face every freaking time I see a Givenchy outfit these days.
Cara Delevingne and Kate Moss
is this a passing of the torch?
Cara Delevingne
There is something that irritates me about celebs taking red-carpet selfies in the middle of the press line. Or at least, selfies as utterly pointless as this one, where all you'll see is the face she's making and MAYBE one or two letters of the word MANGO. She'd be better off posing with an actual mango. Or Mango.