Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik
Zayn's facial expressions always remind me of Andrew Keegan in 10 Things I Hate About You, where he slips into his pretentious Middle Distance stare to demonstrate his many different (read: totally unvaried) modeling expressions. But with a touch of Derek Zealander thrown into the mix. Gigi, meanwhile, has on boots that make her look as if she just stepped in a very deep puddle. And the coat tied around her waist is so... either panty-line paranoid, or something worse.
They ALSO still seem totally wooden to me, but I know they're also both working a persona, so for all I know they're giggly and warm off the red carpet. I know body language here doesn't have to mean anything.
Nicola and Will Peltz
These two ALSO don't seem like they speak very often, but at least they're brother and sister, so... you know, they'll pass the gravy at Thanksgiving and everything will be fine. Anyway, I'm WAY more interested in the fact that her jacket is basically... JUST sleeves. She's like a Pink Lady still waiting to fully develop.
Irina Shayk
Givenchy is clearly all in on tiny skirts and super long boots.
Lily Aldridge
And jeans that look like they've got built-in waders. I can't WAIT for that. When will wading season arrive?!?
Frances Bean Cobain and Courtney Love
Frances looks like the head referee for the Lingerie Bowl, and Courtney seems to be in the act of realizing everything was all a big mistake.
Kim Kardashian
So basically now Riccardo Tisci has built a whole OUTFIT around their desire to have coats falling off their shoulders. And her plastic shoes have a zipper on the toe now. Oh, KIMBERLY, you always find a new way to plumb the depths of what I thought was capable. Although even SHE looks a bit like she's thinking, "I can't believe Kanye totally made me come to this without him, like, without our matching facial expressions I don't think I totally make sense as a person?"
(Important note: Right after I wrote this I found out Kim was HELD AT GUNPOINT IN HER HOTEL ROOM by dudes pretending to be cops, or something? How does this HAPPEN. Between this and that gross assaulter of celebrities... her security team is one big breach right now. This is terrifying, and she's lucky she's okay. I'm glad nothing happened to her or the kids.)
Kourtney, Kim, Kris
And so making a joke about this photo feels weird now. Let's just focus on how terrible that shirt looks on Kourtney.
Ulyana Sergeenko
Ulyana is a designer herself, and her outfit so amused me that I thought we should end with it, for a merry laugh. This is Fraulein Maria coming back to the Abbey after finding a Salzburg biker bar.