Miss Connecticut USA Erin Brady
This reminds me of Hilary Swank's pink tulle shed. Except shorter, And brighter. And holy crap, how much deadlifting are you DOING to get those quads?
Miss Arkansas USA Hannah Billingsley
Dearest Arkansas, say no to formal rompers. Also YOU ARE SO TAN. It has blown my mind to burnished smithereens.
Miss North Dakota USA Stephanie Erickson
It's always awkward for a woman when she has to appear in public while going through The Change -- that being, the time in her life when she morphs into a rhythmic gymnast.
Miss Ohio USA Kristin Smith
WHY did this outfit exist in black, as well, and WHY IS SHE WEARING IT. BOTH of them should have said no, regardless, but ESPECIALLY because Ohio and North Dakota are RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER in the alphabetical order and nothing is going to make you write them off simultaneously like the vision of an EPIDEMIC of hatching ribbon-twirlers.
Miss Georgia USA Brittany Sharp
I am so intrigued by whether this is actually as textured as it looks.
Miss Louisiana USA Kristen Girault
And the top of this is the same thing again, right? Was that necessary? Is the budget THAT tight?
Miss Montana USA Kacie West
Two words: brothel tablecloth.
Miss Maryland USA Kasey Marie Staniszewski Frith
And somehow we needed a version of that dress in Midriff, too. I seriously don't understand why any of these girls allowed themselves to wear the same fabric as anyone else. THERE ARE MORE THAN 50 CHOICES IN THE WORLD.
Miss Colorado USA Amanda Wiley
May I borrow from Tim Gunn? That is a LOT of look right there.
Miss Virginia Shannon McAnally
As a girl whose last name is Cocks, I'm going to let the spelling of her surname slide with just a sympathetic noise (high school boys are the worst, after all). And no comment whatsoever on the beads.
Miss Nevada USA Chelsea Caswell
Do you think all her gown options were based on casino carpets? Because I am fairly sure I have staggered around atop this exact print somewhere in Las Vegas.
Miss Idaho USA Marissa Wickland
This girl reminds me of Kristin Cavallari, right down to the fact that I think Kristin Cavallari is the only other person who would wear that dress.
Miss Delaware USA Rachel Baiocco
"Hi. I'm from Delaware. Does Delaware ever win any of these things? Whatever, I'm just here to meet the Jonai."
Miss Pennsylvania USA Jessica Billings
I REALLY wish she had worn a red wicker basket on her head, in honor of the US Open golf tournament that happened in Merion, PA, and the stupid "signature" flagsticks they had. Sigh. Instead she looks like a wolf mauled her in 1986.
Miss New York USA Joanna Nosuchinsky
That is as short as the Empire State Building is tall. Her lady liberty is going to pop out.
Miss South Dakota USA Jessica Albers
Is she a carhop?
Miss Oklahoma Makenzie Muse
NONE of this fits her. Oklahoma deserves better.
Miss Wyoming USA Courtney Gifford
Well, it's better than most of them, and isn't requiring me to bust out the horrific "WHYoming" joke I had in my sad brain. So.
Miss Vermont USA Sarah Westbrook
Well, it DOES get cold in Vermont, so she WOULD go as Mother Nature's winter assistant.
Miss New Hampshire USA Amber Faucher
Girl, you're Miss New Hampshire, not Miss Rose Parade.
Miss Rhode Island Brittany Stenovitch
Rhode Island: Small state, big skirt.
Miss Kansas USA Staci Klinginsmith
Well, that skirt IS klinginsmithing to her.
2013 Miss USA Competition - Show
This also just feels like a combination of stuff that's already happened. It may NOT be, but it feels like it, and that's what counts.
Miss Universe 2012 Olivia Culpo, who was Miss USA in that contest
She just looks sad, stained, and squished.
Eveningwear: Miss Connecticut USA Erin Brady (eventual winner)
This is fine. That skirt looks like it has a thread count, though.
Eveningwear: Miss Louisiana USA Kristen Girault
This seems... serviceable?
Miss Illinois USA Stacie Juris
That is actually really gorgeous.
Eveningwear: Miss Texas USA Alexandria Nichole Nugent
Oh, sweet lord, it's murder-by-disco-ball.
Eveningwear: Miss Nevada USA Chelsea Caswell
Okay, those shoes are a massive NO with this dress. Also, it looks like it's falling off. Also, it's lopsided-mangling her, just like we said was a bad idea. ALSO, she looks terribly bored. ALSO, all of Nevada right now is like, "Honey, that's not even asexciting as our Saturday morning beer-and-cornflakes caftans. GET FUN."
Eveningwear: Miss South Carolina USA Megan Tyler Pinckney
I just think you can't pick something that will render the girls lopsided.
Eveningwear: Miss South Carolina USA Megan Tyler Pinckney
You also need to know that the caption claimed PAULY D was performing. THEY HAVE SOMEONE FROM JERSEY SHORE HERE PRETENDING TO BE AN ACTUAL ARTIST-TYPE PERSON. WHAT.
Eveningwear: Miss Alabama USA Mary Margaret McCord
Fine. Sure.
Eveningwear: Miss North Carolina USA Ashley Love-Mills
Believe it or not, this wasn't for the swimsuit competition.
Eveningwear: Miss North Carolina USA Ashley Love-Mills
Nope, not helping, Ashley.
Miss North Carolina USA Ashley Love-Mills
Man, she REALLY was not going to leave this party without wrangling EVERY filmy skirt she could find.
Eveningwear: Miss Utah USA Marissa Powell
Even WITHOUT Flubgate 2013, she would have stood out for the wrong reasons. For Bed, Bath, & Beyond reasons.
Q&A: Miss Utah and Giuliana Rancic
This photo says it all. Poor old Miss Utah got a question about how 40 percent of American families have a female breadwinner, yet women still don't get paid as much as men, and what that means about our society. It's one of those questions that, as Linda Holmes of NPR said, has two different issues rolled into one and just wants to see what kind of b.s. you can shovel on the fly -- but it's also, to my mind, not a HARD shoveling gig. And instead, she said something about how we should "create education better," and... that fragment in and of itself is probably an argument for better education, but it's also not the answer. And Giuliana can barely contain herself, which, as Linda also pointed out, is also hilarious given that she is able to treat the E! red-carpet mani-cam like it's a Ken Burns documentary.
Giuliana and a Jonas
Giuliana seemed skeptical of the whole thing, in fact. Including possibly her gown, which looks at the bottom like it's falling apart. Maybe Jonas III stepped on it, or something. Wow. That is some awesome I Am Not Amused face.