Melania in Roksanda Ilincic
People reported eagerly on the $2100 price tag of this dress, which is not fair, given that Michelle Obama also wears high-end designers. People wear expensive clothing, and when they can afford it and it's a big night on a big stage, you do whatever you need to do. I'm sure Melania was nervous as hell, as she's not the kind of public persona who is accustomed to making speeches. Hell, I was even nervous for her.
That said, this dress is also available in pink -- and I know that because Ellie Hall of Buzzfeed spotted that Melania wore that version back on March 10 at the GOP debates. At least there, she's plagiarizing from herself? (Har. I kid, sort of. I don't know that I think Melania was actually that involved in the plagiarism itself; I think her big mistake was telling people ON CAMERA that she wrote even any portion of it. Because that came back to bite her, and if one of her plagiarists ENCOURAGED her to say that, well, that's a douche move indeed.)
Melania
Also when she waves, it looks like she's wearing elbow scrunchies. Somewhere Cressida Bonas felt a tremor in the Force.
Donald Trump Jr.
Well, his tie is good? I have to say, as I am currently watching the Andrea Gets Pregnant episodes of 90210 in their morning reruns, that Donnie J here suddenly reminds me of Young Mark Damon Espinoza.
Eric Trump
Eric anagrams to rice, and I think that's about right; rice is fairly bland, and he kind of was too. But bland is better than scary? Anyhoo, the partially buttoned coat here makes it look like a tongue is poking out at us.
Tiffany Trump
I feel for her; she is the Trump child NOBODY remembered existed, and so the pressure on her was probably much higher than on her more visible siblings. She comported herself really well. I know she resembles her mother Marla Maples, but here, I also got a Lindsay Lohan's Blonde Era vibe.
Tiffany Trump
This is her full outfit. It's a great color. Her shoe game needs work, but pretty much EVERYONE other than Mobama went neutral, it feels.
Ivanka
I cannot tell a lie: Ivanka almost always looks immaculate. What's really smart about this styling is that, yes, she's wearing earrings and a bracelet, but neither of them look preposterously expensive. You look at that and think, "Oh, i could replicate that for peanuts. SHE'S JUST LIKE US."
Ivanka
I hope Ivanka is evicting a seat-stealer here.
Ivanka
You know, she looked nice here, too, but the lavender dress wore better. This bunches when she walks. (In the interests of full disclosure, this outfit got a lot of criticism because it is her own line and yet manufactured in China... which can be viewed as an issue when her fathers speeches are so critical of US companies sending those jobs outside the country. The complaint has not really stuck, but it was made.)
Ivanka
"Oops. Well... you know. It's... hang on is that the time?"
Scott Baio
Does Chachi not know how to operate a necktie?
Willie Robertson
The RNC lineup was so, so random. We didn't have any photos of Antonio Sabato Jr., or else I'd have shared that one too.
Rick Perry
Also, I mean... I have to think even Republicans were like, "Rick Perry? IS THAT ALL THERE IS?"
Sean & Rachel
Sean from one of the early "Real World" seasons is now a congressman, so he and Rachel came by to speak. Rachel looks really rather great.
Natalie Gulbis
Natalie is a pro-golfer who was on Celebrity Apprentice. I tend to think Donald Trump maybe should have avoided any direct reminders to that show. I don't know... why is there a button over there? This doesn't SEEM to be a double-breasted suit.
Sen. Shelley Moore (WV)
She looks great, and does not NAB. Well played.
Ben Carson
"NAB.... NAB.. I know this one. It will come to me."
Kimberlin Brown
I remember Kimberlin from her stint on The Bold & The Beautiful and The Young & The Restless, where she played Crazy Sheila. She's now an avocado grower. (Not necessarily a statement on the health of daytime, as both those soaps actually still exist.) She was stuck with a post-primetime slot on one of the early days, when the convention hall cleared OUT, and of course got made fun of by the commentators who were like, "What's her name? Kimber... whatever, I don't watch soaps." (YOU'RE MISSING OUT. She made Lauren Fenmore's life hell.) But I actually thought Kimberlin gave a pretty good speech, whether or not I agreed with any of it. She was calm, and she touched on her farming and the careers of TV and film crews who struggle to make ends meet when projects are filmed overseas, knotting both those things neatly back to why she thinks Trump is her guy. At a convention where I was never entirely sure why some of those people were there -- ANTONIO SABATO JR -- and at which many of them resorted to shouting, I have to commend Brown for making cogent arguments. I can understand why she was there, in the end, and I actually think they'd have benefited from giving her Chachi's slot.
Donald Trump
Let's take a break for a shot of Trump staring down Trump. Do you think he got a chill running down his own spine?
Heavenly Joy
Well. You cannot but melt at this little moppet. (Unfortunately for Trump, he is now being sued by ANOTHER group of young kids who performed at a rally and whom he has not paid.)
Laura Ingraham
The color is pretty here.
Gov. Nikki Haley (SC)
And then Nikki Haley was in a prom dress? She'd better hope Kelly Taylor and Brenda Walsh didn't buy one also.
Lynne Patton
I like her blazer.
The Pence Family
Audrey Pence looks REALLY cute over there, although I might have removed the belt. It doesn't seem to need it.
Rep. Marsha Blackburn (TN)
I was about to compliment the gunmetal, and then realized that's a loaded statement given that the NRA tends to donate to Republicans.
Sen. Joni Ernst (IA)
Joni was another speaker who had to play to a half-empty house, thanks to scheduling issues that had the night building to a crescendo too early. Which is a shame, because is that gold lame piping? We love a metallic.
Chris Christie
He is having cuff issues. They're escaping.
Peter Thiel
My autocorrect keeps insisting his name is Peter Thief. INTERESTING. I like his tie. Thiel seemed to be aimed squarely at insisting gay people are Republicans too -- he essentially came out up on stage, even though it was common knowledge beforehand. It's great for him that this made him happy and proud, but this is a guy who once said that the country went downhill once women got the right to vote, so.
RNC
That is a jazzy brooch.
Ted Cruz
Ted, Ted, Ted. He had to be feeling queasy, knowing what he was going to say and NOT say, and that he'd likely get booed out of Ohio for it. In a weird way you have to admire that he stuck to his convictions anyway, although the diplomatic thing to do was probably not to come at all. He was trying to twist the knife. I'm not sure, in the end, how well it worked.
The Donald
"Do NOT validate that man's parking."