Leona Lewis
This is a great event, supporting AIDS LIFE, and people generally get very dolled up for it. And this is COMPLETELY a return to form for Leona Lewis. She is this really weird mix of frumpy and INSANE, and, like, this dress is her soul rendered in cloth form. Not that her soul is hideous -- which the dress is -- but more that it fuses a boxy blazer with INSANELY BAD DECISIONS and that just feels right for her somehow.
Marcia Cross, Life Ball 2014
Dr. Kimberly Shaw will always be my everything. But she really should have worn a wig and then ripped it off, because I guarantee you that would have been welcomed.
Billy Zane and Marcia Cross
Oh, I see you, BILLY ZANE. You warn Derek Zoolander off a runway battle and then you stomp down it with Marcia Cross? ARE YOU A HYPOCRITE, BILLY ZANE?
Conchita Wurst
Oh, Eurovision Winner Conchita Wurst, line your dresses please. I mean, whatever, it's the Life Ball, but I generally think every dress is improved with lining, and that shell is so nice.
Conchita Wurst
But the SHOES. NO. Listen, you guys all know -- maybe -- that I think flip-flops are ruiners of outfits. And I REALLY can't deal with HEELED flip-flops. I think they display feet at their most unflattering (kind of like plastic shoes, except with SPREAD). We all have our things. Mine are flip-flops of every sort. I will pull myself together.
Conchita Wurst
I love how delighted John-Paul Gaultier is, though. And that dress is arresting.
Courtney Love
Okay, I can work with this. It's rather lovely. Her bra just needs to dial down the attention-seeking.
Courtney Love
I mean, I would bet you my life savings that's Vivienne Westwood, but I don't think anyone should take that bet. I didn't realize Courtney Love and Christina Hendricks had so much in common. Wowza.
Anna Netrebko
She is a Russian opera singer, and this dress looks like she was squatting in a field in camouflage and then just stood up to see if she's safe.
Candice Glover
She won an American Idol season I didn't watch. I feel like I can see the crotch of her tights. She looks like Madame Thenardier if she came into some money.
Ricky Martin
Somehow this looks like all Ricky Martin's dancers are falling over.
Life Ball 2014
And now is the time on Sprockets when we dance.
Life Ball 2014
Picture it: Vienna, 2014. Your seat is RIGHT BEHIND HER.
Life Ball 2014
And you are wearing this. Solution: You stand.
Life Ball 2014
How come Kate Middleton didn't wear this to Royal Ascot?
Life Ball 2014
Right now Anne Geddes is having NIGHTMARES.
Life Ball 2014
Sigh. You can't hold a DRINK in those. MISCALCULATION.
Life Ball 2014
This was Albus Dumbledore's Halloween costume one year. He really did love that phoenix.