Nadia!
Perfect 10, Nadia. Always.
Opening Ceremony Rio 2016
I am a sucker for spelling things in lights from above. I DO often secretly wish the people doing the spelling would abuse their privilege and spell stuff like... I don't know. BRIE. Or YUM.
Opening Ceremony Rio 2016
... Did they turn that place into a live-action PokeStop?
Opening Ceremony Rio 2016
The boys jumped up at this part and screamed, "IT'S ALEXANDER HAMILTON!"
Opening Ceremony Rio 2016
I'm not going to lie to you: I would buy a dress in this pattern.
Gisele Bündchen in Alexandre Herchkovitch
Not a fan of the dress (he is a Brazilian designer), but you knew that; I am never going to sign off on a front slit that high. I'm too old for it. As for her walk... I understand keenly that she is a mega-rich mega-famous mega-model who made herself independently wealthy doing exactly this, and I respect that. This being supposedly the last walk of her career (except for what I imagine will be numerous other guest appearances in the next 30 years) makes it more meaningful, and yes, the London games did ALL KINDS of silly stuff, like Bond and the Spice Girls and whatnot. So I need to be fair about how hard I eyeball this.
But for me, honestly, momentum stopped dead when this part came. I need to admit bias, though: Everyone has their models they love, and their models they don't respond to, and for me Gisele is the latter. I just... she was never transportive for me. She and Kate Moss, I couldn't connect to, and so I was never awed, and I am SURE that colors my reaction to this. But I'm trying to step back and consider the whole, and honestly, the combination of song, walk, and the sheer LENGTH of it -- the thing went on and on and on -- was kind of interminable. Frankly, it felt like she was being presented as The Ultimate Lady of Brazil, in a way that instead kind of feeds into the most boring stereotype of Brazilian women (like, at this point, go ahead and have someone come out and get waxed as well). The rest of the opening ceremony was colorful and interesting and full of flavor, and if you'd excised this, it would've been none the worse. It might even have been addition by subtraction. What do you think? I get it -- she is star power, and Pele was reportedly too unwell to participate, and also there were budget constraints -- but I didn't think she was very interestingly, nor inspirationally, used
Opening Ceremony Rio 2016
Tom Jobim's grandson Daniel may look back and wish he had not okayed having granddad's picture spread out over multiple structures.
Opening Ceremony Rio 2016
They used this set at first in black and white with red-clad parkour acrobats, and it was super cool; I picked this photo because of all the colors, and then realized it might not have been the same part of the ceremony. I was only able to watch with half an eye and ear, sadly.
Opening Ceremony Rio 2016
This is DEFINITELY out of sequence; I think this was from the "Beginning of Life" segment at the start of the ceremony. When you consider the budget was seriously reportedly cut in half, and ended up allegedly twelve times LESS than that of Beijing and London, it's quite amazing what they were able to pull off and that it didn't look cut-rate. In fact, the times where the stage arguably looked spare, it ended up really effective.
Opening Ceremony Rio 2016
That is so striking.
Opening Ceremony Rio 2016
I thought the samba dancers were gorgeous.
Opening Ceremony Rio 2016
All the colors!
Opening Ceremony Rio 2016
There were so, so many vulva jokes on Twitter that night. I guess THERE is your waxing allusion.
Gustavo Kuerten
Gustavo's hair is a fulsome and delightful time capsule. It looks exactly as I remember from watching him play tennis years ago.
Guga
I accidentally downloaded two photos of Guga, but I don't regret it. He looked SO HAPPY and emotional, and also, I forgot to get the person who eventually lit the torch. Not to take anything away from that person, but I assume that was intended to be Pele and that he was sadly too ill? I don't know. But wondering that, at least, just made me feel maudlin.
The Torch
This was a gorgeous sight. Nothing will beat the Barcelona archer, but that torch is truly stunning.
Opening Ceremony Rio 2016
I got a huge kick out of all the volunteers wearing shirts with hot pink arrows, to direct the athletes. It was even better later, when they were done and got to dance around and get jiggy with it, because then it was just all arrows akimbo.
The Refugee Team
Let's begin with these people. Their stories have been well-reported, although if you haven't, please Google them and marvel at the 18-year old swimmer who once pushed a boat with 20 people in it for THREE HOURS and stayed chipper because she wanted to keep the six-year old boy aboard feeling safe. TEARS. I obviously hope one of these people medals, but that's so not the point. They are the Olympic spirit, to me, or at least what it should be.
Tonga
I assume they workshopped EXACTLY how much body oil to use on this man. What grueling rehearsals those must have been. Such agony. In related news, I'm going to apply for the job of Oil Wrangler.
But let's also get informative with his caption: He's a taekwondo athlete, and Yahoo did a post on him: "The inspiration for Taufatofua’s outfit was his desire to bring attention to Tonga and to honor his father. Everything Taufatofua wore came from his island home of Ha’apai, from his traditional tupenu wrap, to his shark tooth necklace, to the thick layer of coconut oil coating his chiseled torso." The whole profile is lovely and you will be endeared to him afterward for more than just his lovely abs. Please do read it.
Indonesia
I think they look magnificent, but apparently there was controversy in Indonesia about it. The person who created this is not only not one of Indonesia's premier designers, but in fact not a designer AT ALL but rather someone who -- per that article -- calls herself a "culture and batik enthusiast," which DOES sound sketchy. It'd be like hiring me to make shirts because I enjoy looking at and buying them.
Australia
This looks like the world's largest country club tennis team. Apparently Australia's jackets had the names of every Olympic medalist sewn inside, with the gold winners done in gold thread, and that's great and very special and personal... and also sadly not something we could SEE.
Mozambique
On TV this seriously looked like your USC grandfather's dream football weekend blazer.
Norway
I thoroughly enjoyed these. I know some people did not, but I found them indelible, and they reminded me a little of fireworks.
Belarus
I enjoy the t-shirts under the clay-colored suits. They're kicky.
South Korea
Lids! These looked awesomely jaunty. I love it all. Somewhere, Kate Middleton is wondering if she can pull off that hat, while also ordering one of the blazers.
Canada
These were disappointing to me. Those are gigantic white t-shirts under the blazers, and they poked out way too much underneath -- like, it isn't just that the athletes in the front are currently waving. Even when their arms were down, they had those unsightly tails. It looked like a fit accident. Canada is usually so polished.
Canada
Party in the back.
Spain
They could have turned out the lights and been led by the glow of Rafa's tan.
Andy Murray
These looked terrible. Stella designed them, and I just think they look... sigh. Really uninspired. I see zero panache.
Sweden
In which it's revealed that Stella McCartney bribed Sweden to eject something from the bowels of its design hive that would distract from her offering.
U.S.
We covered these already when they were announced, but I couldn't resist showing them again. I have to confess that as conceptually cute as I think the red, white, and blue boating shoes are, that style is not my personal brand of jam, so sometimes I think they look a little doofy. But he at least downsized the damn horses -- they're still big, but not as unsightly as they have been in the past either here or at Wimbledon; Ralph Lauren is usually SO MUCH MORE up in his own grill than this. And the shirts look great. Michael Phelps's jacket lights up, as we noted in the original post -- an homage to wearable tech -- but it didn't show up on TV. I don't think it needed shenanigans anyway.
Opening Ceremony Rio 2016 Olympic Games
Someone pointed out that the colors in that order, from the neckline down, make it look like they're wearing the Russian flag. That made me laugh. Still, at least there's some flair, SIGH, BRITAIN.
China
This motif looked a bit too Ketchup & Mustard & Relish to me. Although now I want a hot dog, so I guess thank you for that. I am always delighted to eat a hot dog.
Austria
These are apparently "goat-suede lederhosen,' but honestly on TV they just looked like soiled camping shorts.
Cook Islands
I love that green pattern. I'm IN.
Germany
Germany, as a nation, has had a REALLY ROUGH GO lately. Is it wrong that I wish they'd had something more joyful and less frumpy? You're in Rio; you don't need to wear every kind of spandex that American Apparel can make, you know?
Croatia
This plays off the flag, but still, my first Twitter comment is the one that sticks in my head: They look sponsored by Purina pet foods and Five Guys Burgers & Fries.
Italy
I have to tell you: I'm sad they didn't all wear the clown wigs.
Japan
Simple and effective, if also like they manage a very important golf course.
Puerto Rico
"Wait... is this not the Calgary Stampede? Guys.... what are we going to do with the bull riders we brought?"
Czech Republic
Hipster barbershop music is HAPPENING.
Russia
There is a lot going on here. Is that a red and white purse, or a weird drawstring bag of a skirt?
Jamaica
I THINK I like the bright jackets, but when you pair them with the running tights it's a LOT to process. Like a very very athletic bumblebee.
Soloman Islands
Wait... do the dudes in masks belong to them, or are they General Ambiance? I am so hella on board with this as a national costume. It's Batman meets the Smurfs, which incidentally I hope is something Ben Affleck stars in soon.
Mexico
The woman carrying the flag looks FABULOUS. The other women look a tiny bit like they are in the hospitality industry at a Westin, and then the dudes are like, "Oh, were their national team uniforms? We just bought blazers together."
Israel
Those jackets are super. What a cool way to render the Star of David.
North Korea
Not sure about the pinkish tie. Or is that a trick of the light?
Uruguay
That flag-bearer looks like she's dancing out there.
Burundi
Those lead gowns are gorgeous.
Turkmenistan
Alexis Carrington Colby would have loved that hat. And of course I love the dark green but also worry that they're all sweltering. It's safe to assume that, in a muggy summer climate, I am worried 100 percent of the time about people's armpits.
Hungary
Those dresses are terribly cute, but my FAVORITE part of it from the promo picture was those wedges. Were they not part of it? WHAT HAPPENED TO THOSE WEDGES? Those might be Official Wedge of Fug Nation.
Poland
I wish I had a better picture of the pants everyone appears to be wearing back there. Or are they skirts? I need to know more, Poland. They look like they MIGHT be something Bella Thorne will buy for Coachella next year,
Portugal
I think Portugal is just wearing derelicte jeans from Fred Segal.
Estonia
It is killing me that better pictures here were not in our sub, because it was navy and white stripes, and it WORKED.
Cayman Islands
They almost look like a family that just got off the plane for a two-week reunion IN the Cayman islands.
Samoa
Another striking use of pattern. Three cheers.
Tonga
Oh, come on, y'all knew I would get him back in here somewhere.
Venezuela
PARTY.
Moldova
That one guy in the back right, turned around, looks like he's getting a friend to help check his fly.
Kazakhstan
I basically assume every Olympics year that the people of Kazakhstan mostly just want to dress as differently from Borat as possible.
Romania
More here that's rather Convention-Chic. Also, I didn't hear the entire commentary of this part, but I did catch them talking about Romania as it relates to Martha Karolyi having turned US gymnastics into a powerhouse. Is that really the only thing they had to say about Romania? NADIA WAS RIGHT THERE YOU GUYS.
Madagascar
I used to have curtains that looked like this. They were from Pottery Barn, and I loved them, but we repainted and they didn't work anymore. Madagascar took me on a lovely trot down decorative memory lane. (It's more khaki than I generally go for in a curtain, or an outfit, but it worked well in context with both.)
Brazil
The host nation looked perfect and perfectly appropriate. Well played, y'all.
The Torch
Hideous, obviously. I don't AT ALL wish I could buy this as a light fixture for my dining room.