Swag in The Netherlands
You guys know I LOVE random royal swag. I do NOT, however, think it's a good idea to cover your entire bed in random royal swag. Although I dig those pillows.
General Scenes Around The Netherlands
There you go -- themed ceramic boxes. That's more like it. (I have a LOT of mugs celebrating a variety of English things. I LOVE a commemorative mug so much.)
Crown Prince Willem Alexander
Call me crazy, but this seems like a kind of morbid and vaguely threatening poster on the eve of a coronation/investiture/whatever they're calling this entire event as a whole. The ???? seems sort of like...."WE'LL JUST SEE, WON'T WE!!!"
Princess Maxima of the Netherlands, Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands and Crown Prince Willem-Alexander
I feel like the subtext of this whole photo is like, "WE ARE ALL SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS." Apparently, everyone loves the Queen in the Netherlands -- tell me if that's incorrect, Fug Nation Netherlands -- and it's also apparently sort of traditional for the ruling monarch there to step down rather than....you know. Wait to die. She looks charming, and he looks very classic in his tux.
Apparently, Princess Maxima is going to be the first Queen Consort since Emma of Waldeck and Pyrmont around the turn of the 20th century, whose husband -- per that great history textbook Wikipedia -- was an "aging, licentious king, once described as 'the greatest debauchee of the age,'" who had already been turned down by her sister. So things are already going better for Maxima. Her tiara seems subtle. I hope she wears an ENORMOUS one for the big event.
Prince Charles and Camilla
"TA-DAH! WE'RE HERE! I'M NOT ABDICATING EVER SO DON'T EVEN ASK ME ABOUT IT!""
I feel like Camilla has worn more flattering cuts, but that black and white is kind of modern on her. I also like that she whipped out a real tiara for this event. (If you are into this stuff, you should read The Royal Order of Sartorial Splendor, which has LOTS of interesting info about the history of royal jewels. Camila's tiara used to belong to the Queen Mum and apparently she wears it ALL THE TIME.)
Princess Letizia of Spain and Prince Felipe of Spain
They are always so elegant and chic-looking.
Crown Prince Al-Muhtadee Billah and Princess Sarah of Brunei
This is a very glam tiara as well, and I think the pattern on her outfit is pretty. Wiki informs me she is an accomplished net-ball player. I continue to not know what net-ball is. Is that what we Americans called basketball?
They got married in a ceremony involving a gold-topped Rolls Royce when he was 30 and she was 17 and you can imagine the side-eye I am making about that.
Princess Lalla Salma of Morocco
This is also quite pretty, while also feeling appropriately Moroccan, as far as I know Morocco, which is mostly based on the time they visited on Ab Fab.
Princess Mabel of Orange-Nassau, Prince Constantijn of the Netherlands and Princess Laurentien of the Netherlands
Princess Mabel's husband Friso is the one who's been in a coma after getting caught in an avalanche. She's ALSO the one who almost wasn't allowed to marry Prince Friso because she was secret friends with a drug lord! But they did get married, and he had to give up his place in the line of succession! And then they moved to London and now he's in a coma! That is like a Judith Krantz novel! And a red fringed dress is worth of such a plot.
The other two are married, and seem to NEVER go to anything, but they look nice here.
Prince El Hassan bin Talal of Jordan and Princess Sarvath El Hassan of Jordan
These two met when they were 11, and got married 10 years later! Per my Wikipedian research, he seems like someone who does a lot of good works, and she, scandalously, is apparently in a bitter feud with Queen Noor who ALLEGEDLY kept redecorating the palace when it hadn't even been decided who was going to inherit the throne. I love passive-aggressive redecoration.
Prince Daniel of Sweden, Princess Victoria of Sweden and Crown Prince Naruhito of Japan
Everyone here looks fine. I love it when Royals arrive places together. Like, are Princess Victoria and Prince Naruhito old buddies from....being royalty together? Or did their limos just get to the valet at the same time? It seems like the Naruhito's wife, Masako, isn't at this event, which isn't a huge surprise given that apparently she basically hasn't really made an appearance since 2002, citing "emotional disorders," some of which -- it is rumored -- have to do with pressure to produce a male heir to the throne (she's only had one child, a daughter), and because she basically can't deal with being the stress and intense scrutiny of being Crown Princess, in a very serious way. Poor Masako. That is ALSO like a Judith Krantz novel, except if it were a book, some hot doctor would cure her miraculously and they'd run off to Bora Bora together. She is IN the Netherlands, since she was snapped getting off the plane with him, so maybe she's conserving her strength for the next set of events. Obviously, you have to root for her to be well.
Princess Mette-Marit of Norway and Crown Prince Haakon of Norway
Oh, Mette-Marit. NO. NO.
Princess Margriet of the Netherlands and Pieter van Vollenhoven
Margriet is Queen Beatrix's younger sister and she was born in Canada because of THE NAZIS. (They had taken over the Netherlands when she was born. The Nazis are the worst.) She was, per Wikipedia, "named after the marguerite, the flower worn during the war as a symbol of the resistance to Nazi Germany." She also seems like someone who would take a carburetor out of a Nazi's car to thwart them and hide it in her sassy pink-lined wrap, and therefore I like her.
I love Wikipedia for telling me such interesting information as the following, about Pieter: "He almost lost the tip of his right index finger during a [scuba] dive in 2005, when he got caught between the boat and the dock steps. Doctors were able to reattach the tip." Thank god they saved the tip.
Crown Prince Maha Vajiralongkorn and his sister Maha Chakri Sirindhorn
These two are representing the Thai royal family, and I actually really love her bag. THAT BEING SAID, the rumors about him in Thailand are not great. It's apparently against the law to speak out against the royal family in Thailand, but the Economist -- of all things -- keeps running stories about how he is "widely loathed and feared" and "unpredictable to the point of eccentricity" AND maybe has a wicked gambling problem? I believe we talked, the last time we talked about random royals, about how Wikileaks allegedly had a video of him and his TOPLESS BRIDE (an actress for whom he left his original wife) CELEBRATING THEIR POODLE'S BIRTHDAY. That IS eccentric.
His sister's big secret is that she plays the xylophone. I did not make that up.
Princess Sophie of Liechtenstein and Hereditary Prince Alois of Liechtenstein
Prince Alois is kinda hot. Am I wrong? Princess Sophie is only 45, but she looks somewhat older than that -- and he looks younger than his 44 years, which is why I briefly thought he was a younger relative of hers, which is NOT what a lady wants to hear. I want someone to give Sophie a movie-makeover. Nothing SCANDALOUS, just a little sassing up.
Crown Princess Mary of Denmark and Crown Prince Frederik of Denmark
She looks quite lovely -- her dress looks related to Princess Letizia's. THESE are the two who met at the Sydney Olympics -- she is Australian -- and he told her his name was "Fred" and didn't even reveal that he is a prince until they'd been dating for a while. Say it with me: !!!!!!
Princess Mathilde of Belgium and Prince Philippe of Belgium
Mathilde looks like Candace Bergen to me; she is very pretty. Per Professor Wikipedia, "With the divorce and untimely death of Diana, Princess of Wales, Princess Mathilde is currently one of Europe's three crown princesses who belong to the hereditary nobility, the others being Sophie, Hereditary Princess of Liechtenstein, née Duchess in Bavaria and Princess of Bavaria, and Stéphanie, Hereditary Grand Duchess of Luxembourg, née Countess of Lannoy." In other words, she was an actual duchess in her own right when they got married, not some CHILD OF A PARTY PLANNER. Wiki gets so snooty sometimes.
Princess Christina of Netherlands and Princess Irene of the Netherlands
These are Beatrix's sisters, and they kind of look as I would imagine one's fairy godmothers would look -- one smaller and kind and huggable-looking, the other tall and fond of patterns and sassy-looking. HOWEVER! Strap in for quite a tale:
Waaaay back in the day, Princess Irene SECRETLY CONVERTED TO CATHOLICISM SO SHE COULD MARRY A PRETENDER TO THE SPANISH THRONE! Which is very dramatic and I wonder if it gets awkward with the Spanish royals at these things. APPARENTLY, this led to a bomb threat on the royal plane! And then she gave up her right to the throne and said she was marrying the dude in the name of tolerance! But the Dutch were NOT impressed -- Wikipedia says EVERY DUTCH CITIZEN DECIDED TO HATE HER! Which seems like a sweeping generalization -- but she got married anyway, and NO ONE from her family came! THEN apparently she got tired of being a right-wing extremist (in the words of Wikipedia), as one does, and decided to be a jet-setter, in part because Spain kicked her out! Then she got a divorce, and THEN she wrote a book where she said she talks to trees and dolphins!
The other one was born blind, but can see now, and she renounced HER right to the throne when she decided to marry a Cuban teacher she met in Harlem. And this time everyone was happy for her and then she moved back to New York and minded her own business and didn't get kicked out of any country for being an extremist. Myself, I am extremely sorry I didn't get to lurk around the bar at this wedding and eavesdrop on these people, because these women have LIVED.
Prince Albert II; Crown Princess Stephanie of Luxembourg and Prince Guillaume
Hey, we were just talking about Stephanie of Luxembourg! Where, I ask you, is poor Charlene? (ALLEGEDLY, she is traveling for some reason with her foundation, but I've decided they're in a rage-y fight.) Stephanie looks quite pretty, and Prince Guillaume also looks handsome. Hey, remember when they got married? I made the same judgement about how snooty Wikipedia was then, too! Can't wait to see what everyone wears to the main event!