SWINTON

This is fabulously elegant on her. Only Swinton could inspire me to say, "this is fabulously elegant" about what is essentially flesh monochrome on her. But it works.

Scarlett Johansson

I'm not sure if Scarlett's makeup is doing her any favors. Perhaps she thought, "I have a new baby at home and I'm exhausted. LET'S GO WITH IT."

Julianne Moore

This dress looked so much better to me when the photo was tiny. Is that a form of Monet-ism?

Uma Thurman

I think she needs a more red lip -- right? -- but there is something appealingly EVIL about this dress.

Tessa Thompson

Tessa Thompson here is apparently great in Dear White People, and I appreciate a woman who goes full Mullet Dress right out of the gate.

Heather Graham

This particular jumpsuit illustrates all the issues I have with jumpsuits globally, which is that they almost all invite the viewer to say, "what's happening with her crotch?" And maybe that's what you want, I don't know. I DON'T KNOW YOUR LIFE.

Amy Ryan

I have an unexpected style crush on Amy Ryan.

Jake Gyllenhaal

Jake, handsome in the beard, kind of looks like he just woke up.

Jenny Slate

I should not like this -- it's half of a cigarette girl's wardrobe pinned to a pencil skirt -- but in fact I think it's adorable on her.

Gugu Mbatha-Raw

I am still unmoved by the length of this, but she's pretty flawless.

Famke Janssen

I remain convinced that this might be made out of wrapping paper. And that this could be CUTE wrapping paper, but as a dress, it's harder to pull off.

C. C. H. Pounder and Lorraine Toussaint

I love these two together. I want them to be in a Cagney and Lacey for the new millennium. They're in winter white, and they will not stand for your shenanigans.

Patricia Arquette

She's in Boyhood and therefore I think we may see a lot of her this awards season, which could be entertaining. This is not bad, especially grading on the Patricia Arquette scale.

Renee Russo

Full marks for Renee, I think.

Miles Teller

Someone needs to tell Miles Teller that Movemeber is over, right? Someone's going to do that, AREN'T THEY?

Marisa Tomei

Tomei forgot to do her entire head.

Ruth Wilson

Oh, God, Ruth. It's like Liberty turned on you.

Jon Hamm and Jennifer Westfeldt

Let's end on a high note.

Fugs and Fabs: The Gotham Film Awards

All hail SWINTON. (And you should probably read this GQ profile of her, anointing her their Woman of the Year. First off, it's extremely SWINTON-y and wonderful, and second, the fact that GQ has named TS and not, say, Kate Upton as their Woman of the Year pleases me. [No offense to Kate Upton.]) Beyond SWINTON, I've also got some Hamm for you here, so Gyllenhaal, some Tomei, a bit of Moore...a VARIETY of celebs. Join me in judgement. [Photos: Splash]