Lee Lin Chin
This woman is apparently a journalist who also hosts a bunch of comedy segments online (?), one of which is called "The Real Newsreaders of Sydney." And I cannot stand any of those Bravo people but judging by this outfit I would watch the HELL out of that Australian show. Whatever it is. She looks like Madonna plus Martha Stewart plus the crazy widow next door who MIGHT be running an escort service for the post-menopausal set.
Cheyenne Tozzi
Cheyenne is a model who enjoys standing, spinning, and hexing her enemies with the most brutal of pagan spells.
Sonia Kruger
I HOPE you remember Sonia as Tina Sparkle in "Strictly Ballroom." A story came out recently in which she said she has struggled to lose her baby weight. She gave birth three months ago. This makes her NORMAL. You SHOULD struggle to lose the baby weight in three months! You shouldn't even be WORRIED about losing it in three months! LIVE, DAMMIT. Also, you look super dramatic in your cape, so if anyone dares breathe a word of sass at you, Sonia, you just turn on your heel so fast that your cape slices through them like butter.
Meghan Trainor
She may be all about that bass, but she is NOT all about that stylist. ZING. Ugh, that was terrible.
Natalie Hunter
What a dramatic nightgown.
Dannii Minogue
She looks like a million bucks. Which is only 789,000 U.S., really, but that's still a pretty high compliment.
Shelley Craft
Whereas this looks like seven dollars and change.
Rebecca Judd
If this had only been closed, or even closed LOWER. As is, it's the most lovely gynecological smock in existence.
Conchita Wurst
This is weirdly dry and boring from someone who knows better how to bring it. And at an event where so much It is Brought -- of all flavors -- that I'm almost not sure she even knew where she was.
Jessica Rowe
That shirt makes this pretty shapeless. She needs take two.
Olympia Valance
She's apparently on Neighbours (and the sister of Holly, who TOO was on Neighbours and also had a pop career, if you care). Her name is glorious, and in this outfit, she looks like the character in a murder mystery: ENTER OLMYPIA VALANCE, LADY OF THE HOUSE, WHO LIKES HER COCKTAILS STRAIGHT UP AND DIRTY -- JUST LIKE HER MEN.
Zoe Foster and Hamish Blake
Whereas I think this woman is dressed AS a valance.
Philippa Northeast
And then ENTER PHILIPPA NORTHEAST, RAISED IN AN RV PARK BUT ABOUT TO MARRY THE RICHEST BOY IN TOWN UNTIL HE IS FOUND DEAD IN HIS CONVERTIBLE WITH HIS SEVERED HEAD IN A TOP HAT. I can't wait to watch this play, when it's made.
Sophie Hensser
It's good... and then it's bad. Like a Shonda Rhimes show.
Samantha Jade
A singer/songwriter with a Vegas complex.
Julia Morris
I mean... it could be worse, but I want to cut off the sleeves and just made it strapless and patterned. Am I wrong about this?
Ricky Martin
A quick break to remind ourselves that Ricky Martin still exists.
Jesinta Campbell
Hooray, someone who looks great. AND has on good earrings.
Lisa Wilkinson
Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today...
Ada Nicodemou
I think her bodice needs more fertilizer.
Demi Harman
Simple but pretty, particularly in comparison to SO many of these.
Anna Bamford
Sideboob, and very nearly sidecrotch.
Michala Banas
This is from Ann Taylor's Day To Night collection, where you just snap the cape to your back and call it a gala.
Caitlin Stasey
"Shit, was this not the LOGY Awards, as in, show up real tired and like you kinda don't know where you are supposed to be so you just borrowed something from your mother? Damn. I should have Googled."
Susie Elelman
She looks like a total balloonatic.
Richard Roxburgh
It's the Duke, from Moulin Rouge! Hello, Duke. How about a chorus of "Like A Virgin"?
Gracie Gilbert
Also a nightie, but with some built-in scaffolding, it seems.
Erika Haynatz
This looks kind of like someone got her with some paintbrush vandalism.
Silvia Colloco
This looks delightfully like it was made of tissue paper. I might love it, secretly.
Harriet Dyer
That top is undercooked, right? They might also have forgotten some ingredients.
Carissa Walford
This is ALSO weird but something about the structure is entertaining. Like, what if Michelle Dockery wore this? Would we be frightened? I think not, right? She could sell it.
Carrie Bickmore
I mean, whatever. Boring, boring, boring, seen it, zzz.
Carrie Bickmore
But we need to discuss what her Logie is wearing. None of the other ones had clothes on. Is that... some kind of Logie cozy for safe transport? Enlighten me, Fug Nation. Please help me understand.
AND HERE IT IS: It's a beanie she used to help promote cancer awareness, because her husband died of brain cancer four years ago. Aw. Her Logie is well-dressed with LOVE. I got a little misty.