Coco Rocha
I believe the technical term for this is "BAM!"
Geri Halliwell
Geri Halliwell is the prettiest girl in fourth grade. Also, as we said many times during the Royal Wedding: A HEADBAND IS NOT A HAT.
Brynne Edelsten
You see, when a Michael's Crafts and a Joann's Fabrics love each other very very much, sometimes they go to wine country together and then when they get back, nine months later, they have a Brynne Edelsten.
Dita Von Teese
Let's cleanse your palate with Dita, whose hat is truly spectacular and fabulous.
Dita Von Teese
It's the experience of arriving at a five star Hawaiian resort, but on her head. And that is a huge compliment. I wish I lived at a five star Hawaiian resort.
Bec Hewitt; Lleyton Hewitt
I don't know much about Hewitt, really, beyond the fact that he's a decent tennis player. However, a quick Google informs me that he and his wife here got married after only dating six weeks, he seems to have a habit of mouthing off and saying potentially offensive things, and -- this was like the first thing on Google's "Lleyton Hewitt" suggestions -- he's sporting an enormous package. I feel like I didn't need to know ANY OF THAT. Additionally, she could have done so much more, hat-wise, to work in congress with that dress.
Rebecca Judd
This pose is sincerely Try Hard, but I stand by thinking the idea of this dress is pretty groovy.
Emma Freedman
Emma is a weather reporter and looking at her, I'd expect it to be quite chilly. Until I get to her feet.
Allen Leech
Branson!
Kate Upton
Kate could probably use a bracelet, no? This thing feels like it's missing something (although she herself looks quite pretty).
Danielle Spencer
The colors of this dress remind me of Sandra Bullock's fabulous Venice dress, but whether it's a knock-off or it's simply been ham-handedly deployed, this falls far short of Sandy. Yes, it's hard to live up to being accessorized by Clooney, but in what universe does that hat work with that dress?
Laura Dundovic
Laura is a former Miss Australia, a model, the host of Dating the Dark: Australia, and the Australian face of double-sided boob tape and THAT IS NOT A JOKE. Wisely, she chose a dress that required it -- and actually, although I believe she may also be wearing a crown of tape on her head, she looks really very pretty.
Jennifer Hawkins
That hat is like what old timey nurses in hell would wear at a hospital I think of as Blood General.
Lauren Phillips
This dress is actually very cute, but I feel like her hat doesn't really match -- it kind of just looks like some old ribbon fell out of the closet and got stuck in her bangs.
Rachael Finch
Rachael is also a beauty queen who has appeared on Celebrity MasterChef, and Aussie Dancing With the Stars, where she was partnered with a man she has since married. She's pretty sure she's at a golf event.
Around Melbourne Cup Day
And now, the random ladies in AMAZING HEADWEAR. Prepare to enjoy the women who really brought it. This is amazing.
Around Melbourne Cup Day
Awesome.
Around Melbourne Cup Day
Charming!
Around Melbourne Cup Day
A TURBAN! (Bonus points for finding the perfect orange lip for her skin tone; I want that lipstick so bad.)
Around Melbourne Cup Day
HATS! These are tremendous. These are what we need to see at all Royal Weddings henceforth. I decree it!
Around Melbourne Cup Day
And, finally, these spectacular broads (one of whose head you've already seen), all of whom I want to have some champagne with.