Kermit and Miss Piggy
This bitch. She is working it. She never ages. I hate her.*
I love her.
Tina Fey
I love Tina, and she looks fine, but girlfriend is also phoning this in. She's not even wearing a bracelet. FOR SHAME.
Ty Burrell
Ty Burrell looks dapper as hell, and yes, I just wrote a poem about him. I love Ty Burrell. I stopped watching Modern Family in part because I thought Claire was too mean to Phil. Phil is awesome! Phil is cute and funny and he really loves his kids and he has a job and he's nice to your crazy family, Claire. If you have a Phil, BE NICE TO HIM. I also think Cam and Mitchell are too mean to each other, FWIW. Additionally, I enjoy Ty Burrell's work with citrus in the Tropicana commercials. In short, I kind of have a crush on Ty Burrell.
Josh Groban
I respectfully request that Josh Groban turn the copy in the previous slide into a beautiful love song to Ty Burrell.
Julie Bowen
As Claire may be mean to Phil, so is Julie Bowen seemingly very nice to Ty. And I have to admit that I love this -- as, you know, an outfit to wear to work. And probably because I literally HAVE worn this out, including the glasses.
Catherine Bell
This also falls into the category of, "I just came from the office," but its subcategory is, "IN MY NIGHTMARES, where everyone, including that creepy dude in Widgets, can see my bra."
Constance Zimmer
This is the obligatory jumpsuit of this slideshow, because it's not a movie premiere slideshow if I'm not complaining about some dumbass jumpsuit. And yes, this is a dumbass jumpsuit.
Tia Mowry
This could be worse, considering that it's just scraps of fabric hot-glue-gunned together.
Peyton List
We have at least one person every day find us here at GFY because they're looking for pictures of Peyton List's feet. If you are that one person: DUDE, SHE'S FIFTEEN. YOU BETTER BE UNDERAGE, TOO. Or I will be really grossed out, instead of just philosophical, the way I am about the people who find us from searching, "Katy Perry Boobs."
That taken care of, I have notes for the stylist that Mama List hired: This dress is at least two inches too short, and you all know it. Additionally, she is better served in a color. Look to the Shipka for guidance, in this as in all things.
Angie Everhart
DUDE. I appreciate the thematic tee but the rest of this is like something you'd see on the sassiest octogenarian down at assisted living. And, yes, I want to go play bridge and have a gin with that old lady, but you're not there, yet, Angie! NOT YET.