Clare Bowen

First, this is exactly how the beans look when they go digging in my shoe closet and emerge staggering around in a pair of my boots. Actually, we just lifted them into a pair of lace-up wellies that Jessica owns, and it looks about this proportionate. Which is to say, disproportionate. The rest of her is kind of... Scarlett (her character, for the non-viewers), but with mousse, and no cardigan.

Clare Bowen

I'm pretty sure this is secretly the cover of a 1981 album by a rejected Mandrell sister called Lurleen Mandrell: Go Fourth and Conquer.

Clare Bowen

I am nervous about saying anything about her hair, because I don't know if it's what nature gave her or what nurture did. But I can say this, I think: If it's what nature gave her, she's not nurturing it very well. There are some... styling issues, for sure, and also I think the dye job is crispy. There are problems, is what I'm saying, in a way that suggests she has detrimentally intervened in whatever nature has given her and would do well to hit the reset button.

Clare Bowen

This happened the next night in Nashville, and I'm including it because WHOA. There was no solo picture of it, so you get to say hi to Vince Gill, Lisa Vultaggio (former GH actress who is married to Lucky Spencer), Lucky Spencer, and then Amy Grant, who is Vince Gill's wife. ANYWAY: Clare wore that nightmare to perform with Elvis Costello, and I swear, if you told Scarlett they were going to make her into a Disney princess this is what she'd have made for herself.

Jonathan Jackson

Back at Paley Fest, Lucky Spencer just sort of... Lucky Spencers it up.

Sam Palladio

And Gunnar basically... Gunnars it up. Although, wait, I'm not sure Gunnar would ever own that hat. But he would not shun a vest.

Charles Esten

And Deacon is kind of like... Semi-Formal Deacon.

Connie Britton

Rayna Jaymes wouldn't wear this, I don't think, but she should think about it. Connie Britton is so casually cool.

Hayden Panettiere

This is not very Juliette Barnes, either. Maybe on a casual day when she's sitting around her sterile living room trying to sing acoustic angst. MAYBE.

Hayden Panettiere

I can't tell if these are too clunky, or if they RULE. I do think Elvis would approve of the blue suede hooves. Too bad the show isn't Memphis.

Fugs and Fabs: The Nashville Cast

In which almost everyone looks... kind of like they look on Nashville, frankly. But let's spend a little extra time on Clare Bowen here, who plays Scarlett, because if she keeps up at this rate she might be a nice dark horse for Fug Madness 2014. [Photos: Getty, Fame/Flynet, WENN]