Alessandra Ambrosio
I tried to vaguely group these looks by...genre, I guess? Like, I tried to put all the Carnival Showgirl Extreme looks in one section and then...well, you'll see. At a certain point, I found myself frowning into my cup of tea and saying, "is this more Snow Bunny, or more Salute To Britney's Toxic Video?" and that's when it all fell apart.
Joan Smalls
I am not entirely sure, for example, how to classify the manner of aquatic life living on Joan here. Although this is as good a point as any to note that while this show is PURE LUNACY in terms of, you know, PURCHASABLE KNICKERS, you have to give big points for creativity.
Adriana Lima
This is also as good a place as any for me to confess once again that I have a phobia of Adriana Lima, due to how INTENSE she was in the "Tell me you love me" holiday ads for Victoria's Secret several years ago. It was not the whispered request of a lover, it was the demand of a sociopath. Here, that sociopath is molting.
Maria Borges
Maria is (a) adorable, (b) technically wearing actual undies that a normal person might actually wear, and (b) a tragic victim of I'm Wearing a Garter Belt With No Stockings-itis.
Cindy Bruna
This is also a little bit Britney-inspired. Were the designers mainlining The Greatest Hits of Lady Spears for the last six months?
Barbara Fialho
Some of these are both beautiful and seem like they're an artistic reflection on avian flu.
Lily Aldridge
I assume this is a salute to the mighty, the beautiful, the sea anemone.
Behati Prinsloo
While Behati is VS's Salute to the London Eye! Or maybe to the glory that is Swiss Watch Craftsmanship? OR BOTH?
Sara Sampio
She is LITERALLY a firecracker. Shouldn't Katy Perry be narrating this?
Behati Prinsloo
Welcome to the fringe-y, boot-y section of the evening, where we learn that one's fringe is very likely to get caught on one's wings, should one stomp too aggressively.
Jasmine Tookes
Somewhere, deep inside here, is a robe people might want to wear for mornings when they feel like swanning about dramatically.
Candice Swanepoel
"Those boots are cute," I just muttered to myself before remembering that I own a similar pair already and need to get a grip. (Mine are only to the knee and have wooden soles, so it's basically like a complete workout every time I wear them.)
Romee Strijd
THIS is just bits left over from other looks, tossed together with the hope that they will somehow magically coalesce.
Alessandra Ambrosio
I don't know if this actually is her last Victoria's Secret show, but Alessandra's face sure looks like she's checked out here. It may be because they've asked her to make it work in random pieces of glitter foam.
Kendall Jenner
Kendall gets the honor of modeling Panties on the Bottom, Bed Jacket From Dangerous Liasions On the Top.
Lily Aldridge
"I cannot BELIEVE they've put me in something so small that you can actually tell I don't spray tan naked. SOMEONE WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS. As soon as I give the Vicomte de Valmont his jacket back."
Sanne Vloet
"I practiced detachment. I learned how to look cheerful while, under the table, I stuck a fork into the back of my hand. I became a virtuoso of deceit. It wasn't pleasure I was after, it was knowledge. I consulted the strictest moralists to learn how to appear, philosophers to find out what to think, and novelists to see what I could get away with. And in the end, I distilled everything to one wonderfully simple principle: win or die. "
Flavia Lucini
She actually parachuted in, using only her cuffs.
Valery Kaufman
I kinda want to wear that glittery cape with jeans.
Stella Maxwell
For those of you who were in the market for quilted, high-waisted panties.
Candice Swanepoel
From afar, I honestly thought she was wearing ice skates. I WAS SO EXCITED. And now I am sad.
Elsa Hosk
Elsa gets the fur turban points for the evening.
Jaquelyn Jablonski
If you removed her wings, she could seriously wear this to the VMAs.
Constance Jablonski
I feel like The Weeknd back there must have been in constant fear for the sanctity of his eyes. I don't mean in a "MY VIRGIN EYES!" kind of way. I mean in an "OW! MY EYE" kind of way.
Martha Hunt
This is the 4th of July/Christmas/Hunger Games mash-up none of us knew we needed.
Yumi Lambert
Those little shorts are legitimately cute and I would sleep in them if I hadn't already told myself I wasn't allowed to buy any more pajamas.
Gigi Hadid
That is at least a top you could conceivably, like, sleep in, depending on how much lady-support you need/want.
Taylor Hill
"What? This ISN'T Miss Universe's Parade of Nations? DAMMIT."
Megan Puleri
"Wait. This isn't the audition for the Skinmax version of The Martian? DAMMIT."
Devon Windsor
"Wait. This ISN'T Vegas? DAMMIT."
Jac Jagaciak
"Wait. This ISN'T the Scarf Emporium's Annual Scarfeteria Jamboree? DAMMIT."
Martha Hunt
"WAIT. This ISN'T the Woodstock shoot they're doing at Vogue for the June swimsuit spread? DAMMIT."
Maria Borges
You don't get this much fringe in a DVD boxed set of the complete series run of Fringe.
Elsa Hosk
Sometimes Victoria's Secret trips and falls into something that ALMOST looks like real clothes. Real CRAZY clothes, but still.
Joan Smalls
CAPE TIME.
Gigi Hadid
Not that this is the main focal point of this look, but those shoes are CUTE.
Kendall Jenner
I feel like she didn't use the Just Fab accessories wall wisely here.
The Finale
The end!