Diane Kruger
... is she WEARING the loop that's supposed to yoke that skirt to the hanger?
Julianne Hough
Oh, girl. I was JUST getting excited about your potential punk vibe, and so of course you turn around and wear those PANTS OF SHAME. It burns, Julianne. It burns.
Alessandra Ambrosio
That thing looks like a lousy Prom decoration.
Jessica Capshaw
Holy hellfire, this is unflattering. Worse, it's unflattering with the wrong shoes. You're on notice, Capshaw.
Ali Larter
She held herself this way in every photo, as if she was somehow afraid to move too vigorously and cause any unfortunate northbound inching.
Willa Holland
If they had cast Willa Holland as Jenny Humphrey, I wonder if that character would've stuck. She looks lovely in this. I feel like this is the dress Jennie Garth thought she was wearing.
Jessica Szohr
That shirt is actually groovy. If only she were wearing it with, say, a leather pencil skirt. But hey! Her head doesn't look like an animal died on it! Maybe that period WAS entirely Gossip Girl's fault.
Rashida Jones
THE BANGS ARE GONE. I REPEAT: THE FOREHEAD-PANTS BANGS ARE NOT IN PLAY. However: WRINKLED SATIN CULOTTES. One capsy step forward, two capsy steps back.
Cassie Ventura
Well, I am glad the right half of this dress didn't win. I KIND of wish the left half had put up a stronger fight for dominance. But overall this indecision is stressing me out. We can't choose Column A AND Column B. That's just crazy talk. Unless the columns are made of different kinds of cake. In that scenario it's just being sensible.
Jenna Ushkowitz
Even this jumpsuit regrets itself.
Erin Heatherton
Erin reminds me of the model hybrid of Jennifer Westfeldt and Kate Bosworth. Like either of those ladies really needs to participate in a model-hybridizing program. Anyway, Erin looks great. Big surprise.
Jaime King
I love a fancy spider web as much as the next person (read: not at all, because all spider webs are inherently creepy and once you accidentally walk into one, it takes about two hours to be totally sure parts of it are not still clinging like gossamer sneezes to your body), but I would've liked to see what the bottom half of this looked like without such an aggressive top. And with different lipstick.
Lizzy Caplan
Everything about this seems a little half-hearted, no?
Sarah Silverman
I can't.
Kate Walsh
Holy crapballs. Okay. First, those shoes are not fun enough for a leather dress. Second, that leather dress is not fun enough to be a leather dress. Third, that leather dress is committing unspeakable crimes against Kate Walsh's body, and fourth, if Hollywood's redheads find it too expensive and annoying to keep up with their awesome hair color (which fades easily even when it's natural), then I have NO HOPE of it at all. Sniffle.
Kathleen Robertson
No. NO. What is happening to people? Why doesn't anything fit anymore? And why is it always black and lacy and hideous? Dearest Clare Arnold, I dislike this almost as much as your haircut in the first two seasons of 90210.
Jessica Pare
Hmm. Cool, or a wearable version of the old Family Feud scoreboard? You know, the one where each number was made of lit-up dots?
Retta
Retta, I love you and your TV alter-ego so very much. But the proportions here of boot and dress -- with the potential of leggings in there holding your hostage as well -- are all wrong for you. However, if we can marathon all four Death Canoe movies together someday, I will call it even.
Ashley Madekwe, Christa B. Allen
There as much zigging and zagging going on for these two as there is on an episode of their show Revenge. Ashley's dress is pretty cute; Christa's is menacing, like it's just WAITING for her to make a wrong move so that it decapitates her and bathes itself in platelets that no amount of OxyClean can erase.
Krysten Ritter, Emily VanCamp
I know we've already covered Krysten, but this was the only photo of Emily VanCamp that we had available. And maybe it's that juxtaposition with Krysten's outfit, which looks like a horror movie set in Versailles, but I rather love what Emily chose. It's so sparkly and swirly. It's what a box of Neapolitan THINKS it looks like when it melts on the counter, but of course, the poor clown is so deluded (also, that's not fair, because we all know a box of Neapolitan is never really on anyone's counter, because it's never in anyone's house).
Anna Camp
We've wandered through the looking glass here, people... straight into the Macy's juniors department.
Jennie Garth
You know, this isn't half bad -- the color is great on her -- but BOY are zip-front dresses tough to wear. Those suckers always bubble up on you. And not in a cute way, like a giggle. More like... a ragey chortle.
Jenna Dewan Tatum
Remember when Jenna Dewan was Justin Timberlake's backup dancer/alleged girlfriend, and they got into a dance-off at a club with Britney? Now she's married to People's sexiest man alive. UPGRADE. I also just learned that her father was a running back at Notre Dame in 1972, so clearly she and I are sports soulmates. Maybe she and Channing could come over this weekend to help me cope emotionally with our game because it is getting VERY CHALLENGING.
Brittany Snow
Bright. Bland. Forgettable.
Katie Cassidy
Well, the orange is nice on her, but the shoes are a snore, and the whole enterprise seems very... involved. Would it have been better if it were JUST an elaborate top, or JUST an elaborate skirt, but not both?
Rihanna
This is sexy and all, but the first thing that floated into my head was a scene from Clueless: "It's a dress." "Says WHO?" "Calvin Klein!" And GUESS WHO DESIGNED THIS. Bingo. Clueless wins forever.